Adhd daughter breaking all her toys...

[chan7]

I'm literally at my wits end, I've just my daughter barbie set she got for Xmas with the hair being chopped off, right from the head.. its got bald spots! She's 6 and this in a continuous thing... She cannot keep toys, everything gets destroyed, she leaves everything lying around, she breaks, rips, cuts, snaps everything that she owns, I honestly don't know what else I can do. She's drew on everything, I've banned pens, paints, make up because everything gets put all over the walls, the floors, units, you name it it gets destroyed. I've told her I'm binning everything, maybe isn't the same method as other parents but I'm honestly at my boiling point. This has went on for as long as I can remember and it isn't getting any easier. When she can't break her own things she'll break her brothers, my things, she's got co.puters, nintendo switches, everything and nothing gets looked after. What do I do?

How is DD managing to cut so many things? You need to remove her access to scissors.

Why is DD breaking toys? Is it she is harder on toys than she realises, or is it during meltdowns, is it fulfilling a sensory need or is it on purpose? Have you tried harder wearing toys and ones you can break and put back together e.g. Lego?

I have, she's 6 and uses scissors correctly she doesn't when being supervised, she's obviously got hold of them to open a toy and ended up giving her barbie a hair cut before I've realised the scissors are away. She never told me it was her brother that told me, she'd cut her hair but she eventually admitted it, she didn't. It's absolutely on purpose, it's been like this for years now, she eventually leaves her self with no toys and I replace them because I feel bad. I've tried buying less barbies, dolls, lol dolls, she takes the body parts off them one by one, I'm just stuck to bigger things like bike scooters, things like that, she's got an ipad switch and playstation which haven't been broken yet but she does have tendencies to sneak pens and things and they've been drew on, and thrown about.

You need to lock scissors away so DD can’t access them unless you are physically with her.

Are you sure it is on purpose and not fulfilling a need or due to a lack of impulse control?

Ultimately, the only way to prevent it is to supervise DD more closely so you can jump in and redirect her.

Is DD taking medication for her ADHD?

Hi, my son is 9, he hasnt got a diagnosis yet his MMA is in May, Camhs are telling me they think it will be an autism diagnosis.

Reading your post though, i fully sympathise this is my life on a daily basis.

My son breaks everything, he started prob when he was about 3yrs old, I don't think it is on purpose though. I'm not very good at putting things into words it is like sensory overload with everything, he can be fine and i leave the room within seconds i can hear him screaming and literally smashing everything. Anything can set him off, he has so many triggers i couldnt even lost them. He rips doors off the hinges, wardrobe doors, drawers, blinds, anything he can pick up he throws, smashes toys, tablets, his switch. If it is my eldest son who is 11 who aggravates him then he will smash his stuff. I have to keep all knives scissors even potatoe peelers in a box ontop of the kitchen cupboards.

As he has got older the damage he does has just got worse, he is very often violent to me and his brother, i know he cant help it and it is his way of letting his frustration out but it is horrible for me and his brother, i have asked camhs and the doctors for medication and they have said they cant give him anything. When he has a full on meltdown i cannot physically restrain him anymore he is about 7 stone and tall but wow when he goes it is like trying to move a brick wall i just have to try and protect my eldest and try to stop him hurting himself as much as i can until he calms down, can be anything from 5 mins up to an hour where he will be so exhausted he will hardly move for the rest of the day.

I love him obvs he is my baby but god it's hard work, i cannot leave him on his own, no one else can cope, my mom always rings me crying she cant cope on the occasional times she has him to give me a break, he has zero empathy for anyone or anything. I cannot change his routines, food anything. I think he has OCD he is really particular with things washing hands, dropping things on the floor, his toothbrushes have to be stored in a plastic box (he has 11) he will.not use a cup anyone else has drank out of even if it has been washed he has his own cutlery, plates, bowls and cups/bottles, his anxiety is through the roof, if i want to go anywhere with him i have to tell him a few days in advance, where we're going how long for what we will be doing and i cannot change it when we are out. He cannot occupy himself at all i have to constantly be doing something with him, strangely he loves cooking, gardening and his latest obsession is making candles we have an abundance of various shapes sizes and colours lol.

We have guinea pigs which are in our living room, he is so gentle and calm with them he will sit with them holding them stroking them for as long as they let him, i make him sound like a monster but he can also be so loving and gentle and funny but can switch and go from zero to 1000 in a second.

Any advice would be a god send, I'm willing to try anything to try and give us all a calmer less stressful life, me and his brother are constantly walking on egg shells, i feel like we don't really have a life we just exist at the moment and get through day to day

Mommy2boy does DS receive OT, SALT and MH therapies? Animal assisted therapy might work if he likes your guinea pigs. Does he have an EHCP? If so, you need to ask for an early review. If not, you need to apply for an EHCNA.

Medication can be given. For example, melatonin and other medication to help with sleep, antidepressants (that often also help with anxiety) and as a last resort antipsychotics (which are also used to help with challenging behaviour).

Have you been on a NVR course or similar? Yvonne Newbold’s resources are good and Ross Greene’s The Explosive Child book. Have you had social care assessments? If DS will consider it a SN buggy or wheelchair might help make leaving the house easier.

You could also look at a Safe Space.

No he doesn't have any therapy of any kind, he has EHCP which was reviewed about 3 months ago, he has started a focus provison school 5 weeks ago, he was in a pru school for about 6months ish, he has adjusted to the taxis now took about 3 weeks and he is coping fantastic at school, well he bottles everything up until he comes home so because he hasn't kicked off actually at school yet they say he is doing fantastic, he won't even use the toilet at school

I have done helping hands, not sure if that is similar, the doctors and camhs have told me twice until he gets a diagnosis they won't prescribe him any medication

Our Social worker has closed our case, everyone just seems to say that I'm doing everything that they would suggest and until he gets a diagnosis there is nothing else they can do help me, i went camhs again a few weeks ago, showed them the bruises on my arms and legs and neck where he was throwing toys down the stairs at me and a dvd rack from out of my bedroom full of dvds and all i got told was until his MMA in may there is nothing that can be done, i even said so basically ive just got to keep us alive until May, the doctor gave me a crisis help line to call if i thought our lives were in danger. I feel like he is being let down massively and i don't see why they keep saying about a diagnosis

I will get that book and have a read, i dont think he would like a buggy tbh

As for a safe space, he loves small enclosed spaces, dont laugh he goes under the stairs and calls himself Harry Potter he has blankets and torches and a star projector in there, the hours we have spent crammed in there is unreal, saying that it is catching him before he explodes to give him the idea of going in there, sometimes he will just go in there on his own and scream at me to close the door

Mommy2boy DS needs therapies in his EHCP. You should either ask for another early review or appeal if you are still within the appeals window following the review.

CAMHS can prescribe before diagnosis so it’s worth pushing them to. Helping hands isn’t like NVR so you could ask about that.

You should ask for formal social care assessments again with a view to getting respite. Social care support has nothing to do with diagnosis, it is based on needs, so they are fobbing you off.

DS may find a Safe Space helpful. There are various charities that can help fund them e.g. NewLife, who also do emergency equipment loans.

Sorry I've just got round to this, I haven't received a diagnosis for my little girl either yet, I'm still waiting on her assessment from camhs, she's been accepted and has been on the waiting list for 4 years, she's been through triple p since she was 2... Her pediatrician appointment was about May last year and she was accepted but they've said it may take another 2 years because of the back log, thankfully she's having support in school and her teachers are quite helpful as she's struggling to stay focused and do her work, so she's behind. She's had her cahms report and it states they will be testing her for adhd there's not a mention of anything else so I'm assuming that's what it is, I'm absolutely sure she's got it, it runs in my family and this has been going on for years now I've been pushing since she's been in nursery. I'm glad I'm not alone in this, it's fine for people to say aw she's just a kid she'll grow out of it.... When but? When does it stop? Igs just frustrating sometimes.

Thank you so much for the info, i will get back onto camhs and look into all the otheer stuff you have mentioned as well, thank you

I get your frustration, believe me i get it!!

We have no friends because people always say things like he needs a good hiding, if he had a dad he wouldnt be like that, he will grow out of it blah blah blah, i can't be listening to people who are negative anymore it's hard enough as it is

The worst is when other moms at his old school used to give me the sympathy look and say i know how you feel..... hello no you dont, does your house get smashed up regularly i have that many filler patches on my walls it's unreal, in the last year ive had to replace 6 doors and a window, i can't even think of the stuff ive had to replace because it will start me having a mini pity party 🤣

He is a runner as well, ive got extra locks on the windows on the front door and the gate, he defo goes into fight or flight mode and since I've locked the house down so he can't run up the road, usualy in his pj's or butt naked he smashes even more

Luckily our neighbours both sides have known him for a few years now and know that the screaming and shouting and banging is his way of release but flip me sometimes it can get bad, whatever he can fit through the gaps in the windows he will throw it on the lawn

I can honestly say, i hate weekends, i hate bank holidays, i hate half terms and dont even make me think of six weeks holidays. I love him with all my heart but it is so bloody hard stopping the fighting and the smashing and shouting which is constant if I'm not keeping him occupied, i cant even have a shower if he's awake because i know what will happen something will get broke or he will be fighting with his brother

Even when my mom and dad come to visit they cant wait to get out the house, it is constant!!

The only plus side i have is he is like a whirlwind from the minute he opens his eyes which is normally between half 3 and 5 on a good day that by half 8, 9 the latest he is asleep, then i can get the ironing done and have a shower wash my hair and a cheeky glass of wine lol

I want to tell you that it gets better but for us it hasn't yet, its been like this for 6 years now, i have to believe there is light at the end of the tunnel and when he gets some help he will start to enjoy life rather than not being able to cope with his emotions and exploding over everything and his brother will be able to happily have a sing and a dance round the house or tell jokes or even talk whenever he wants to rather than having to gauge his brothers reactions to everything