Walking into school issues and general pity party

[Namechange828492]

Hi all

I've had a really awful morning, DS had a melt down walking 5 mins from car - school today, crying, wanting to pull willy out, sitting down (he is 5) . Normally he uses a scooter or pushchair buggy board but I didn't have that for various reasons today.

I feel like a horrible mum as he's generally easy going but I just can't cope with any even a small amount of ASD behaviour. He goes to MS school which he loves and does well in, he behaves perfectly for childminder and grandparents when they take him to school/teachers at school - I know why but I just find it soul destroying that going into school is such a massive issue.

I also feel bad as I have to literally drag him out of the car and feel like I shouldn't be rough with him but I can't help it sometimes as I wouldn't have got him into school any other way. I worry that he will grow up thinking I'm always annoyed at him because it's kind of true :( I know other mums of kids with SN and they are all so much better at dealing with it all and never seem in the angry flap that I am always in. I feel that the school mums of Nt Kids are probably judging me too, at DS2's preschool I always chat to all the other mums but at DS1's school I just want to hide (and I'm generally very outgoing)

It doesn't help that I have a younger DS who is really advanced and extremely well behaved, because I keep worrying that ds2 will die and I won't have any NT children left. I know I shouldn't see DS2 as a golden child and they will both end up hating me if I let ds1 think he's a burden.

I feel bad for not coping as ds1 is really generally OK but I just can't cope with anything beyond NT child level behaviour, DS1 doesn't really have many melt downs but it's always around going into school (or the barber). He actually loves school but I just wish I could have an easy morning one day.

Anyway that's my pity party, attempting to WFH whilst crying so very glad it's Friday! I always see posts from mums with NT kids saying "I don't know how you cope" but the truth is I'm not coping at all.

No advice other than I had to drag my DD in today as well. Maybe ask school to review the support, as it sounds like he may not be as happy as he seems there. When my DD is like this the ELSA will normally take her in and find her a quiet area until she's calmer.

Have you spoken to school about adjustments to make mornings easier for DS? For example, arriving 5-10 mins early or late via a quieter entrance. Being met by someone specific. Being allowed to park on site if there’s somewhere for you to park. Would a SN buggy work for days like today where you don’t have the scooter or buggy board?

What support are the school currently providing? If school itself was easier for DS morning would improve.

For the barber, have you tried someone (barber or hairdresser) coming to the house? If you have one near you there’s a few that specialise in DC with additional needs.

Thank you both

I've emailed the senco and will see if his ta can collect him from me, I think it's just the saying goodbye and knowing he won't see me he struggles with.

The school generally are amazing (I tried a SS For nursery and was really unhappy with the academic expectation but MS has brought him on so much) and provide loads of support. I was just trying so hard to not need "extras" as I just want him to be like everyone else.

Also will look into thr SN barber thanks

Without the support DS is different to others anyway, as this morning showed. DS is more likely to be able to function well in school and less likely to be at an even greater disadvantage if he receives the support he needs.

This sounds like every morning i had with my youngest, virtually every day from nursery throughout to year 4. He eventually got to the point where he wasn't settling down during the day, several times a week i was being called out to collect him. He got suspended in year 3 😭, sent to a pru school for 6 weeks a few months later in year 4 suspended again and sent back to pru school for about 6-7 months. He now in year 5 and has an EHCP has started a focus provision school and has taxi's to school and back, I'm so proud of him he has his struggles at home and in different environments but school is not an issue now , i think a big part is the taxis, me not being at the gates and him being with a few other kids from our door had really helped him 😁