My "ATTENTION SEEKING" (?) son : Lines things up...hates loud music...clapping....takes batteries out of everything....shows no remorse.....cannot sit still...is a 'bright boy'.......has short attention span....and teacher says that "unless he behave...

[MrsFROSTgetful]

Actually the teacher did say that she realised after that to 'punish' him that way probably would be seen as a good thing to him!!!

Anyhow...about 6wks ago he was put on School Action on the code of practice- he's 5- with two AS brothers.

I was reassured by his teachers (he has 2) that he was 'Just' attention seeking....and that due to his disrupting the class he needed to be on School Action. But at my suggestion that there was 'more' to this...they were insistant that he was NOT AUTISTIC.

I beg to differ.

However i am tryiny to 'bite my lip' at the moment- as this week he has had to go the the Head every day.He has been took aside in assembly when there was a puppet show...he hated the loud noises and the shouting that the kids were asked to do....he is 'resisting' being in the nativity as a mouse- he will not wear a mask...today he was told to stop scooping mud onto the playground (using his hands)...he puts his hands on other kids ears during circle time- but freaks out if anyone touches him.....he walked up to a boy the other day and simply ripped in half the postcard this lad was holding....

his teacher said today that he just seems to have no idea of the consequence of his actions- despite repeatably being told not to do these things etc....and that she feels he must know it's wrong (!!!?!!!) as he is " such a bright little lad".

Well.....I am 100% certain that there is no way he will 'just know it's wrong' as i cannot leave him alone at home without him 'doing something wrong'...i have to supervise him constantly.
Most of his actions are trivial' unimportant' pranks,.....like the other day he put every sincle wet wipe out of a packet from one end of the room to the other...in a straight line.....and then latere that day he had every video out and had them arranged very orderly in a kind of rectangular spiral. Talking of spirals...he loves snails...but picks them up follows the spiral on their shell with his finger- then stamps on them.

So...When they started the 'strategies' to do with the School Action stuff- they said they would review this if he didn't respond....Methinks that THAT TIME IS NEAR!!!

p.s....he is just like tom (11 today!!!) was at age 5...he used to lick people and alex keeps blowing in people's faces.

Oh blimey, Mrs F. What a nightmare. You know your son inside out plus you have a deep understanding of AS. Why aren't they listening to you?

Arghhhhhh - doesn't it get you sooooo mad, angry and frustrated!!!!!

We know our kids better than any professional out there. We live with them 24/7 and know more about what makes our kids "tick" than any of the teachers in school.

Because of the ignorance our kids face everyday they get labelled as being "naughty", "disruptive", "attention seeking", etc etc.

It got me so wound up when J's head master told J that if he didn't stop being silly and stupid in class then his LSA would be removed......that was the final straw and we removed J from school because my son is NOT stupid or silly, however the Head Teacher IS because anyone who knew anything about ASD would know that a child with ASD had the problems in school that J was experiencing.

Good Luck Mrs F - if anyone can battle this I know you can.

Oh Mrs F - have just replied to your other thread. What a rotten time you're going through atm!

You're doing the right thing posting on here though .

Hi there,

Has your son been checked for ADHD, just a suggestion as what you describe sounds very much like it. The short attention span (despite being bright), the dislike of loud noises etc.
Might be worth asking if there is a local psychologist who can test him for it.
Reassure the school that you will work with them, however, it needs to be a two way thing and they need to work with your son to reward the "good" behaviour. Also to look at other reasons why he might be struggling with his attention span.

Mandy

Hi again Mrs

Just listening to you describe Ds sounds like classic autistic spectrum to me! And I know nothing at all about it other than what I read on SN boards like this. Why are they not listening to you??! It's mad...

I have an online friend who moderates on an SN board and she has been through a situation like this with her. She has 4 children and at least two of them are on the autistic spectrum. She has fought - and won - many battles and she is a mine of information. I don't know if I am allowed to link to other similar sites on here (I also don't know how to make links on here actually.. I'm new.. ) but if you would like I could put you in touch with her. Just say the word.

I hope you get this sorted out quickly.

Lots of love

Jess xx

Mrs Frostgetful,

I can sympathise; infact I know someone who is going through a not dissimilar hard time of it to yours at present. This reception school teacher in question thinks she can "cure" his what she terms his behaviour. Yeah right. This child is also on School Action (not School action plus which I understand is the next level up from School Action).

I don't feel that School Action is going to be enough either. I think school needs to start listening to you as the parents. However, you cannot go in there all guns blazing, you need to present a calm and rational argument to get him more assistance. Is SENCO at this school helpful?.

Do schools just put such children on this particular program to try and save money?. I wonder at their logic or lack of in such cases.

Does your son have an Ed Pysch who goes into school?. It may be helpful if you could get such a person on your side. IPSEA may also be helpful to you, their website address is www.ipsea.org.uk. Infact I'd call them up asap and speak with them.

HTH, good luck and do not give up!!

certainly sounds like asd to me, my sons the same and i cant believe that he hasnt been referred to be assessed yet or are they thinking hes copying his older brothers behaviour which could be possible but by the sounds of it ,he IS doing things that sound VERY familiar to me and probably to you too..i fully sympathise with you as i know how much hell your going through and i only have one with asd. i must admit ive had great success with visuals and social stories as my son who has exc language wasnt understanding what was expected of him but COULD understand the pictures,keep it really simple with matchstick people in the different situations and lots of pictures around the home depicting things(i thought this action was only for severe children but it works well with my son, so much so hes using it himself now to create a secure place for himself as he then knows what s happening) hope all this isnt too long and winded abut i would try anything and it may be a case of you yourself getting him referred ,it was the only way for me .i badgered them for a year at least and refused to give up.i knew there was something wrong from about 18 mths but it took us till about 2 1/2 maybe more for people to have it on paper to prove it, fight on is all i can say!!much love to you and ill chat anytime if you want..

hi MRSF while reading your thread ive just had a real feeling of coming home since september my sd2 has been having difficulty at school hes just gone into p4.He does not realise the consequences of his actions either, i have to suppervise him constantly and he also does the video thing.
Up until this year his previous teachers have been very understanding about his behaviours the one he has now is not quite so tolerant.S he doesnt seem to know how to manage his behaviour at all in the past she has shouted at him and used negative words and body language and i am finding it hard to cope with.
We got a phone call this week to say he was being openly defiant not doing what he was asked i had meeting with senco and told her how he has gone from a little boy who loved school to really hating it.He is being given mixed messages he is being told to raise his hand if he needs help instead of shouting outyet when he does and his class assistant goes over she is being told to back off many times all he needs is reassurance and hes not getting it.
T hen we got another phone call same day to say that he had taken baloons from a box in her room and they were taken off him and put in teachers bag of course he had gone into her bag to get them back she was furious to put it mildly!!!!!
I tried to explain to senco that he was attracted to bright colours and did not think it was wrong he did not think of the consequenses of his actions when he went to her bag he had no idea that this was wrong.When i picked him up from school he wasnt angry as he usually is he was very sad when i asked him why he had gone into her bag he said to get my baloons and really itto him it was that simple .when i asked if anyone had explained why it was wrong he said no they just shouted at me for 20 mins (no sense of time) so it was left to me to explain to him why they reacted the way they did.
What he said next was heartbreaking "nobody spoke to me all afernoon mrsX told me she did not want to communicate with me .What does communicate mean mummy"IWAS AND STILL AM VERY ANGRY.
Because these kids can be very bright it is assumed that they should know better when intelligence has absolutely nothing to do with it,its to do with their ability to reason and problem solve consequenses and actions ...
Sorry to rant and rave but i feel a bit better now

[blush[sorry for the long rant
i really must try to control myself
i really must not hijack other threads xxxx

MrsFROSTgetful (another most excellent name) - I am gobsmacked to hear that the school are not listening to you, when you are so obviously the expert on your son AND the condition. If anyone knows, it's you - i think you need to remind them of this - PLEASE don't feel you have to "bite your lip" anymore, enough is enough. It is an absolutely absurd situation!

I have just been called to school again this morning to discuss ds's behaviour at lunchtime. It appears that his disruptive behaviour is the worst in the school and they don't know how to deal with it any longer. Derrr - lunchtime/classroom support would be a good place to start and perhaps start the statementing process? (I also got to vent about the disasterous meeting with the SENCo which I posted about on here, so that was helpful).

Ladyhawk - this sounds familiar! I would be tempted to request a meeting with SENCo, the head, his teacher and PiP like I did (minus the head) and thrash this out so that there is a clear way forward. They sound like many schools that just do not know what they are doing. Until today, I was at a total loss as to what I could do regarding my ds - and because of an impromptu meeting with the deputy head who was actually very reasonable - a great weight seems to have lifted from my shoulders. I feel that for the first time, I may actually get some help in supporting my ds in the future (I could be wrong but really want to enjoy the feeling of euphoria whilst it lasts!)

Maybe it's time to start making a bit of a scene - in a very respectable way of course. Does this make sense? - If not, tell me to shut up. ((((hugs))). xx

MrsF - You must feel like screaming! You would think that knowing you have 2 boys with AS the teacher might credit you with actually knowing something about ASD, wouldn't you? I know that teachers can't be expected to know everything about SN but if a parent with knowledge and experience of SN expressed concern that their child might have SN you would think that they would at least look into the possibility. Grrrr!

Ladyhawk - Rant away! I would be angry too. If your ds doesn't know the 'rule' (ie not to go into the teacher's bag) then how is he to know that he is doing wrong? It would have been far more helpful for someone to have explained why it was wrong rather than to just shoyt and leave him feeling even more confused.

PS. I love your Christmas name, Jaysmum.

All I want for Christmas is a school where we could all be listened to, and all our kids could be understood...

MrsF, I have to say there is lots about your description of DS3 that sounds like my DS1 (also five). And ladyhawk, yes that is heartbreaking

But Chocol8, excellent news that you feel you made some progress today

We've just got to the end of a week where DS1 has not had any "accidents" at school (although compensating with an absurd number of wet beds at home )

thanks you all, just to update i feel that a meeting with his teacher would not be a good idea tried that before and it didnt work and if she said one more negative thing to me about ds it wouldnt remain civilised iykwim..
talked to ASD Support worker at ed board today she was very supportive agrees ds2 needs not being met and is going to have a metting with his teacher,senco to discuss all issues ,negative language,how he is being punished she agrees that he does not understand his crimes(for want of a better word)and is focusing on these harsh punishments,his teacher thinks that she can cure him (stupid woman)anyway meeting on the 10 th so hopefullythis will change things for the betterthanks for all your support evryone i really mean that...your all great

Hi Ladyhawk,

My friend is also in the same position re her son in reception - this teacher thinks she can "cure" him as well. Of course this is impossible. Infact this particular teacher turned around to my friend and said words to the effect that when she has got the degree and has taught for as long as she has then she can come and see her!. Nice huh - NOT!!.

What is it with some of these schools eh?.

Thanks meerkatsunite
its great to know that i am not alone as that was how i felt many times!!!!
Iwas told same thing by ds2 teacher that she had been teaching for 22yrs and this was just her personality(some personality huh..)
Anyway fingers and toes and everything else crossed forwednesday's meeting

Just checked meetings on Friday....WHAT AN IDIOT.