Another day ruined by autism

[lollipoprainbow]

Really struggling to cope at moment. Dd 10 doesn't want to do anything but stay at home and play on her iPad. She has no friends to interact with. I booked a magic show for me and her to go to today and said we could go and get lunch and shop for some new clothes for her afterwards. She had a major meltdown before we left and we missed the show, thought everyone was staring at her in McDonald's and hated all the clothes I showed her. She only wanted to buy pyjamas as this is all she is happy in. I could cry. Bloody bloody autism ruins our lives so much

Why don’t you plan days that you can both enjoy?

I agree with itisbetter, today’s plan would be a sensory nightmare for many with ASD, especially so close to Christmas.

@Itisbetter - how is that remark helpful?
Totally understand OP - caring for an autistic child is really stressful.

@Womanofthe80s yes it is stressful but if you cater for the child you have rather than the one you want it is less stressful.. @lollipoprainbow is not talking about necessary outings and activities. She chose this day for a child who doesn’t like going out or strange clothes. Her daughter isn’t like that. Her daughter doesn't want to do anything but stay at home and play on her iPad. and only wanted to buy pyjamas as this is all she is happy in. It isn’t the autism that’s the problem it’s trying to make your autistic child enjoy things their disability makes hard for them. It’s no different than being upset your blind child would rather go home than go to an art gallery.
Do a different day together OP.

Womanofthe80s Planning an unrealistic day is setting both OP and her DD to fail. Planning a day they can both manage will help all round.

@Itisbetter

If I only did want my DC wanted, I would have ended up with children who all they wanted to do is spend all day at home, watching TV for the rest of their lives and never venture outside.

@OP, it's shit. Do not beat yourself up. Tomorrow is another day. I planned for things that do not always go to plan. Even things that I knew DC's will enjoy, something happens along the way. Just try try try again. Go out shopping first then McDonald's as an incentive.

There is a vast difference between only doing what DC want and planning an unrealistic, extremely overwhelming day at an overwhelming, busy time of year. There is middle ground.

Like your DC, given the choice DS1 would never leave the house and that’s not in his best interest or feasible. But we wouldn’t plan a day out consisting of a show, meal out and shopping at Christmas as it is setting him up to fail which is harmful.

It can be shit at times, OP. But I have found it's hellish trying to get autistic DS to bend to our idea of what a 'fun day' looks like. Like trying to push against the tide...

The best advice I can give is lean into their interests. Is there a particular game they like and how can you incorporate that? Would they enjoy a Comic-Con style event for gamers? Maybe you can do other activities that are themed around a favourite game - baking a Minecraft themed cake (or whatever game they love) Roblox fancy dress or art?

If that doesn't work and they simply won't leave their console. Then working on their idea social understanding so they understand that other family members want/need time out at times and making arrangements so you can take siblings etc out for the day and arrange care for DD...

I do feel for you. Best of luck x

I understand - DD is 9 and we have missed days out as during planning them she has been completely up for it, even when we discuss the elements of the day which she may find challenging. We get to the day itself and the build up (in her head) has been too much, or she is in a place where she just can't face the world and we have to not go. She then is really sad that she hasn't been able to do it. It's awful, for all concerned.

There are some NT kids who may have struggled with some of that day. My niece isn’t coming to family parties at the moment as she’s become really image conscious. My other niece missed a day out at soft play with her cousins because she wanted to finish her massive Lego set.

My ASD son would probably have loved the magic show- he may have shouted out in the middle of the show as he has no social control, McDonald’s and shopping.