Child in hospital trying to escape

[serenghetti2011]

My son 11 yo asd adhd, is asthmatic and not very well but alert enough to be upset about hospital environment and denying he’s unwell and trying to escape, hitting me swearing etc - behaviour he does when overwhelmed. However is not well enough for home and making himself worse in process. im at a loss he can’t go home and staff are struggling to do what is best etc

he hates me right now feel like the worst mother ever

Has advice been sought from the learning disability liaison nurse (they often also see patients with ASD who don’t have a LD) and/or liaison psychiatry? Has DS seen a play therapist?

Are the hospital making reasonable adjustments to help?

Nothing practical to suggest, but definitely wanted to tell you there is zero chance you are the worst mother ever.

Hospital did very little except give him plenty space, I think they really struggled with how to deal with things and I did too as he was so distressed and upset and just wanted to leave and kept running off. I was exhausted which didn’t help, but thinking now of ways to help him for any further admissions he may have - he is a bad asthmatic so could happen any time.

thank you @JustKeepBuilding for your advice I can mention to camhs to see what I could access to help in future - we got home as he basically was sitting at the doors crying to go home and making himself worse. I feel like I should’ve or could’ve helped him understand however he just kept saying he wanted to leave it was very distressing - he gets quite sweary too which isn’t great in a kids ward. Was a bit embarrassed too which didn’t help.

Support from the learning disability liaison team, liaison psychiatry and play therapy doesn’t need to be via CAMHS. The hospital team will be able to refer. As there is a good chance of future admissions it is worth pursuing this for input now rather than waiting for another admission.

Other reasonable adjustments that could help are things like a hospital passport, cubicle where possible, catering to DS’s food and drink needs if the menu isn’t suitable/stressing DS further, looking at other sensory issues (lighting/noise/movement), tapping in to DS’s special interests, communicating plans more clearly, if needles are an issue using a buzzy…

I understand how you feel, but you don’t need to feel embarrassed. And I don’t know about you and DS but if my DS1 knows I am stressed it makes his anxiety and meltdowns worse.

Hi @JustKeepBuilding I really appreciate your message, some really good information there which I will take forward with staff and plan for any future admissions.

after his morning escape bid and making himself much worse he slept for a good while and managed to get some nebs on board, still hadn’t eaten and woke at tea time upset and angry he wanted to go home and escaped again I think staff just let us go to get us out of their hair and no one came to speak to me about helping him or updating us it was poor. I stupidly apologised to the nurse - I mean he was struggling it wasn’t his fault and she said oh I’ve had worse.
so today after a sleep and a good think I’ve been really upset, re hashing it all over and over and just struggling with how little staff did to try and help/support us and basically stayed away hoping we’d go away.

I understand that there isn’t the training there for paeds nurses and additional needs like my sons but I don’t think it’s an excuse and I feel for the next child who comes along and gets similar. I’m not sure if I should complain to attempt to highlight my experience or not. I’ll add that I’m a paeds nurse but not on that unit or trust. I just felt invisible. Even when my sons dad came they didn’t attempt to speak to me or discuss anything. I should’ve been more proactive.

Personally, I would (and have in the past) raised the matter. Not as a formal complaint but as an opportunity to improve understanding and adjustments. I needed the same mistakes not to be repeated during future admissions and nothing changes if people don’t highlight the issues.