How often is severe non-verbal autism common in 1 family?

[Mum0i754437]

Hi,

I am just looking for a general idea on how often people see families with more than 1 child that has severe autism?
Im 32 with a NT 11yr old daughter and my son is 6 with severe autism + apraxia (so not talking properly yet) + learning difficulties + likely a few other things.

I am in that position where I'm confused whether or not to have another baby. My husbands mental health took a big toll when our son regressed after age 1. So i dont want to add any negatively to our life and geopordise my husbands mental health. Men struggle with mental health a lot and are quiet about it. I would never even think to pressure him for another child.
However, I have seen people with a child like our son do go on to have babies with no problems....and that almost heals their hearts.
I know having a NT son will give my husband the healing he needs. The typical-father son relationship he craves. We will always love and protect our son, but he will likely not do alevels, go college, work, marry or leave home.

Does anyone know what the real stats are on severe non verbal autism repeating?
Genetically i dont know anyone on either side thats autistic. I have 1 brother (out of 6) who i would guess MIGHT be aspie since he doesnt love socialising....still socialises and never had any development delays. Non of my neices/nefus are asd....nor those of my husband.

If you have a non verbal high needs asd child....did you go on to have more kids. If so...were they also asd?

Some people will and some people won't. You'll be more likely to have another child with ASD than someone who hasn't had a child previously with ASD (though it may not be as severe). The actual chance of the next child having ASD seems to vary quite a lot from study to study - but they all tend to look at general ASD rather than just severe/classic autism it seems.

No one can give you any guarantees, I know someone who had a child with severe ASD who went on to have another child with ADHD and ASD but much higher functioning. I also know someone with a child with ASD whose younger sibling has dyslexia and dyspraxia. ASD, ADHD, dyspraxia, dyslexia etc are all linked so your next child could be ND in a different way.

I have one with Aspergers, I didn't have any more though. He is very glad to be an only because he would find a crying baby/a toddler touching his things/a younger sibling following him around extremely difficult. Personally I would stop where you are and concentrate on the children you have. Having another child to try and heal your husband is a really bad idea and a very unfair thing to put on any child. He needs to deal with his issues himself, not look to another child to heal him.

Ok thank you. I agree. I really needed to hear that actually. A child shouldn't come into this world with a job. And the risk of another with asd or any diagnosis would be too much on my husbands mental health.
I will have to come to terms with not having the idea of family I grew up wanting. I am thankful for what I have though.

In a similar boat so totally understand your emotions and feelings around having another but when I read that an NT son would 'heal your hearts' that made me really sad. It's probably easier to be objective when reading about your situ than applying it to my own - so I dont meant to sound critical but yes agree with PP.

Hopefully some therapy can help you both. I also found DC's regression just unbelievably tough, and also so hard to move on from. But at the same time I think I know deep down that another DC would not be a good idea for so many reasons.

Yes it is sad to put it that way. I understand if it sounds bad. We are making life as comfortable for my son as possible and we are providing him with all the therapies he needs. We are happy he is here. However, the regression killed me. I no longer see in color or have a spring in my step. I always say to my husband...when we were at the scans + delivery room....I was mentally prepared for the worst. But to have a great pregancy, very nice smooth delivery, no concerns by any doctors, being told hes healthy, a happy baby who was developing incredibly. So strong and smart. Breastfeeding him for a year and him talking and imitating and coloring. To a sudden 4 week period after his birthday where he suddenly goes quiet and stops looking at us. And then the next 3 months he loses all skills and no longer talks, imitates, communicates, not interested in anything and then regressing to what appears to be high needs support, autism, pica, severe sensory processing disorder, likely adhd and learning difficulties.....I am gobsmacked til today even tho hes now 6. I cant talk about it out loud. I feel like hes in the upside down world and i need to go in and take him out. He has come a long way since then and we enjoy him very much so now. Hes happy for the most part and I would always chose him over any child. But we grieve daily. Daily. It is not a grieving of old people. Or someone with disease. Its a grieving of what i at least thought my child was...now there in body but no longer really there. Its almost a sickening feeling when i actually think about it. I feel another boy will help him and help us. Its just the truth. I want to raise a son to get married, I want grandkids, family is the most important thing to me. We are very family orientated and motherhood has fulfilled me more than anything. I dont want to give another baby a job... so i am careful about this decision. I just know im still young and fertile now and dont want to look back and regret my decision when im older.

I recognise a lot of what you describe about the recession, it really was an awful time. And yes , someone mentioned a book called 'living grief' or something which is also what you describe.

I know what you mean about no spring in step too.

But you hear a lot about big progress even for non speaking kids at a later stage - things could improve a lot and I hope they will for you

Good luck x

There’s no guarantee that you’re going to have a boy, surely, and you’ve had a NT parental experience with your dd. If you do go ahead you need to ask yourself if you are prepared to cope if you have another ND child as the odds are going to be higher for you