Help for a nearly 11 year old

[ASDChild]

Apologies for duplicate, but not sure whether to post here or the teen section so trying both

Daughter in y6, no diagnosis yet, we have been waiting... and waiting... last christmas had a zoom 'pre-assessment' and were told yes, she is being referred to full assessment, but waiting list is about 18 months from what we were told, so we wait...

She is queen masker at school and a lot of time is ok but comes home and meltdowns or shuts down with her switch to decompress. If there are issues (sports day, concerts) the school lets her wear her ear defenders and she is better with it.

Main issue nowadays is with her dad. He is someone who is nearly always right and doesn't say sorry. latest thing is saying the children are 'hypnotised' by me and influenced and follow me and just do what I say. Daughter is the least influenceable person I know to be honest and is very much her own person... now when her dad says these things she screams and reacts very strongly (to the point where he says she is overreacting - I avoid this language)

Latest issue last night meant he criticised me about something (and I think she is becoming overprotective of me) and I was saying 'fine, ignore it, it's ok' but she started shouting and screaming and wouldn't go near him. to the point she didn't want his usual bedtime hug and this morning was ignoring him and pretending he wasn't there (making like difficult for the sibling)

We have talked and maybe a child psychologist could be beneficial. but how do i go about looking for one? do i contact the GP?

I am so full of doubts, hanging on thinking this is the best thing for the children, as at least I am HERE seven days a week and not 50/50 which would be hell for the routine.

I am lost and I am being assessed for ADHD myself but suspect the whole family (dad included) is neurodivergent.

I guess just wanted to write it somewhere... but not ready to do it in my usual name. thanks for reading

Ask at your dd's school, if you can get some support from their EP (Educational Psychologist).

It might be they have very limited access, or they might be able to arrange something.
Or, in some areas, there might be a way of accessing an outreach appointment with the EP Service.

In our area, CAMHS (Child and Adolescent Mental Health Service) have a Hub that children, young people and their families can access wit get bought in to do family supporthout referral. Ask your school - or if they don't know you could try your GP surgery, or even your Children's Centre, who might be able to signpost, even though your dd is over 5 - if there is some service like that in your area.

The issue is, most of these services are local, and different areas don't have the same services. Then a lot of funding is temporary, but all sorts of big charities get bought in to do specific projects around family support. Organisations like Barnardos, and KIDS.

Another place that might offer support or signposting is NAS (National Autistic Society. They are aware the waiting lists for assessment are so very long and support families on that journey.

What support is the school providing? The coke bottle effect isn’t unusual unfortunately. If school life was easier home life would be too.


If you want to look for a private psychologist BPS have a search tool here and ACHIPPP have one here.

Scope have a mentoring service for those undergoing assessment.

Thanks everyone. I'll do some research tomorrow.
School has someone from a charity called Unlocking Potential coming a few days a week and I might see if I direct them to my child and they can talk too