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SN children

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Original poster

Have been called by school to discuss dh's behaviour...!

22 replies

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 13:09

This was a totally out of the blue! They said they wanted to disucss his behaviour at lunchtimes. He has always been very slow at mealtimes and more lately has been taken into the hall earlier than his class to give him a headstart. Sometimes he doesn't get any playground time and is late back to class in the afternoon.

The man I am seeing is the same one I spoke to some time ago about bullying, but he didn't come across as a compassionate person and is very monosyllabic.

I just wanted your thoughts as to why they feel they have to drag me into school yet again for something that has been happening since he started the school (mainstream). I feel that he should have been statemented long ago as he has problems interacting socially. He is constantly wound up by his peers as they know that he will get the blame and they can get a rise out of him.

Do you think I have good grounds to suggest yet again that they start the statementing process? I am unable to get a friend or any support at the meeting as it is at short notice (tomorrow a.m.) so will need to write some notes from your comments. All suggestions welcome, thank you.

OP posts:

zippy539 · 02/12/2004 13:22

Sorry - can't give any advice but just bumping this up.

Fran1 · 02/12/2004 13:26

He sounds very young to be your husband

Original poster

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 13:28

Oh blimey!!!! What a muppet I am! Brain whirring into action (ha!) before my fingers catch up. Thanks Fran!

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coppertop · 02/12/2004 13:29

Do they allow ds to go ino the hall first to eat? If he starts earlier he may finish sooner or at least have a chance of getting some playtime.

What methods (if any) have they tried to get him to eat faster? Have they considered the possibility that he may be eating slower so that hedoesn't have to go out to the playground and face more bullying?

I would definitely bring up statementing again. If they feel he's coping well then they shouldn't be calling you in like this. If they're not coping well then it's obvious that he needs more support.

P.S. After reading the thread title I was expecting a story about someone's dh making a big fuss at school!

jakbrown · 02/12/2004 13:35

LOL at DH not going into the playground!

Chocol, have no direct experience of this but a very good friend is in a similarish situation. Her little girl has AS and was diagnosed around a year ago but the school still call her in to discuss 'behaviour'. I know that her DD has Action Plus, a system for children without a statement to get extra help which provides more support at school (she gets taken out of class to work on social stories etc). I think they're meant to provide 5 hours a week. But ideally, I think my friend would like her DD statemented. They won't 'offer' it, always a fight, from what I've heard. Like CT says, I would definitely say, 'well the fact you've called me in indicates to me he needs extra support'. Bless him, at the end of the day it sounds like it's all quite stressful for him...

Original poster

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 13:37

Heh heh! Silly me. Thanks Coppertop - yes, he now goes in earlier than his class but is still taking aaages to eat. It is the same in the evening - he has to be constantly reminded to eat and I am forever telling him to chew as he holds the food in his mouth and pulls a very long face, going in to a trance....this is also with food he loves like pasta.

I have tried to give him "easy to eat" food in the past but what I give him has to be healthy. He is 7 but only weighs 3stone 6lbs. He generally has a wholemeal bread sandwich with ham or cheese and watercress, raw carrots or tomatoes, a chocolate biscuit and a drink. I have began giving him a small packet of raisins to eat at break time as he has been getting hungry late morning and then not concentrating.

The strange thing is that the school have said that the pupils have fruit (or half a fruit) everyday, but the only time they can do this is just before lunch. If he is eating something then, then of course he is not going to want to eat his lunch cos he's not hungry!

Your comment about them not coping is completely right Coppertop and one I shall bring up tomorrow, thank you.

OP posts:

Original poster

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 13:39

Jak, my ds is on Action Plus and has been for a while, although he doesn't appear to get any help with social stories or individual work. I will speak to them about social stories tomorrow, it's a good idea.

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jakbrown · 02/12/2004 13:57

Sorry, Chocol, commenting without being in full possession of the facts!
Good luck with the meeting. I think my friend is going to push for a statement so I will let you know how she gets on

Original poster

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 14:03

Ooh yes please Jakbrown, I would be very interested in how your friend gets on. Will mention statementing as a matter of course tomorrow and let you know how I do.

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blossomgoodwill · 02/12/2004 14:21

Hi Chocol8. You poor thing! I would really push for the statement as without it legally you don't have anywhere to stand. I feel with the dx that you have that is the least the lea can do. If the school are nor prepared to do anything you are well within your rights to ask for ds to be assessed yourself.
Good luck BHx

coppertop · 02/12/2004 14:40

Ds1 is on Action Plus and gets help with Social Stories. His next one is about an issue that is relevant to the whole class so they will all be reading this particular one together. Ds1 will also be getting his own copy to keep and use at home.

DingDongDinosaurOnHigh · 02/12/2004 17:23

my ds1 is exactly the same about eating...

Original poster

Chocol8 · 02/12/2004 22:29

Heheheheheh at DingDongDinosaurOnHigh - love it! x

OP posts:

JaysMum · 02/12/2004 23:55

My J did the same thing when he was at school - it was an avoidance tactic not to go into the playground to interact with the other kids!!!!

You do know that you can request a statutory assessment of his SEN don't you?

All you need to do is write to your local LEA and request that your child be assessed for a statement of educational need. They have to respond within a 6 week time limit as to whether they will assess or not. You need to send in any supporting evidence that you have such as copies of SALT reports or doctors letters.

Good luck with your meeting and let us know how it goes.

Original poster

Chocol8 · 05/12/2004 20:59

Sorry, I sort of mentioned this on another thread, but the meeting went really well!

I thought the SENCo was a deputy head and it turns out she is an ASSistant head. The deputy said that he would raise her unprofessionalism with her, and that I should have reported this to him rather than stress about it and make myself ill. Tbh, I hadn't even given it a thought as I thought they were on the same level and he was not very helpful about the bullying incidents.

Anyway, it turns out that my ds - who is not a great eater anyway, is taking over an hour to eat his lunch everyday (what's new). This is because he is constantly messing about, entertaining the line of children coming into the dinner hall and pulling faces to make them laugh, being distracting and wandering around the hall etc. When I said that there must be other children who need constant attention at this time of day, the deputy said "there are but they're not as bad as him" or words to that effect. I explained that if one person was to keep an eye on or sit with the children, and remind him to eat and chew etc, there wouldn't be this problem. This is the time of day (and now after lunch) that he needs assistance, as it is obvious he is floundering.

I mentioned the 5% of funding that the school receive to help non-statemented children and also the very real need to statement, plus that I will not medicate him any more than I already am for their ease. I reminded that I am proactive in care for my ds, and he said that he thought so too - there were too many parents that he has met who do not take an interest in their children's schooling.

He has suggested that we have a meeting mid Jan to discuss this more - with SENCo in attendance!!!! I feel that I made a small headway with this meeting and felt like a weight had been lifted on Friday...we'll see how long this lasts - especially as it is his school play tomorrow!

OP posts:

SantaFio2 · 06/12/2004 09:12

sorry about all the problems chocol8 but couldnt stop laughing at the title :o

hopefully something will be sorted though, you have had some great advice

coppertop · 06/12/2004 09:24

I'm so glad the meeting went well. It must be nice to know that at least someone at the school is prepared to listen.

ladyhawk · 06/12/2004 09:30

Chocol8
Great news i am so glad,this is another tread that i seem to have missed totally agree with you if they could cope they wouldnt be dragging you into school all the time..
my ds is the same with eating..can sit for an hour and eat nothing we had a word with senco andf they had one of the dinner ladies go over and encourage him everyso often seemed to help.
Just found out he is sitting dipping his chips into his custard,much to the disgust of the other kids at his table ...hehehehheh
Hope everything goes well for you in JAN XXXXXX

DingDongDinosaurOnHigh · 06/12/2004 17:54

Really glad the meeting went well Chocol8 (I know you mentioned it on another thread as well).

Stargazer · 06/12/2004 17:57

Hi Chocol8 - you can request an assessment for a statement yourself, you don't have to wait for the school to do it. Ask the school SENCO for the Code of Practise - thick book with lots of information about what's involved. Hope this helps.

Original poster

Chocol8 · 06/12/2004 18:16

Thanks Stargazer - yes, I told the deputy head that I would start the process myself however it would be better for us to work in partnership -after all, they have to do the reports and supply all of the evidence and it benefits them at the end of the day too!

So glad I posted on here and went to that meeting the night before - at least it sounded like I knew what I was talking about! Of course, I bumped into the SENCo this morning at the school play - I just pretended that I hadn't noticed her.

OP posts:

JakBFrostNippingatYourtoes · 06/12/2004 19:08

Hope it goes well Chocol

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