Autism, ADHD, dyspraxia

[freespirit333]

Hi all

I'm sorry, this is long. I've thought for a while that my DS (age 7) is neurodiverse. He's never been in big trouble at school (for example for violence etc) but he has never found it a smooth ride.

Does any of this sound familiar to those of you with neurodiverse children? To caveat, my husband is certain he has inattentive ADHD.

• Very fidgety, never sits still, prone to leaving seat a lot
• Doesn't appear to be listening (for example fiddling with something, looking away) but is actually taking it in
• Weak core, awkward at running, poor coordination with ball sports, but could ride a bike with no stabilisers at age 4, and is a decent swimmer. He has always struggled with sitting on the mat at school but is recently allowed to lean against a cupboard and is much better for it.
• Forgetful in terms of where he leaves his belongings, and gets upset when he loses things or can't remember where he put them.
• Doesn't have big major tantrums but quick to snap and get stroppy, will answer back to the teacher rudely, as if without a filter, for example "FINE-UH/eyeroll" when he is asked to do something he doesn't want to do (not every day, but noticeably more than peers). However knows that it was wrong quickly, will be annoyed with himself, say sorry. He is like this at home, very quick to be defiant, but will reflect and say sorry independently.
• Gets very over excited and silly
• Is bright, excellent memory, and ahead of the majority of his class with reading (not unusually ahead however)
• Seems to make friends easily in new places but at school is selective and sticks to the same 2-3 friends like glue (same friends since reception, now in year 2).
• Big sense of fairness, he's well used to having to give in/not get his way at home as he's not an only child, but still in school during group work/discussions, he gets very annoyed if classmates interrupt him, and likes to talk for a long time when it's his turn.
• Very eager to please, responds well to praise at school and not so well to punishments (for example losing a star on a chart). Loves to be chosen for things like classroom jobs, loves to feel important/like he's helping.
• Can be really happy and flexible, but can also often be what I'd call "prickly", grumpy and quick to anger.
• Concerned with what others are doing for example if his group at school is doing maths, and another group is on the iPad, he will get grumpy and has been known to go on about it, and he thinks it's unfair even though every group gets a turn at every task (it just might be in two days time rather than today).
• Sensitive to moods, he picks up very easily if DH and I are arguing, doesn't like being told off. Always tries to cheer people up if they're upset, caring.
• Similarly he can be an absolute wind up merchant, what seems to be deliberately annoying us to the point we snap.

I'm far from experienced but to me it sounds like a mix of adhd and asd. DS has adhd and DD is being assessed for asd.

Do you have a referral in for him yet?

Thank you.

Yes we have an appointment with a community paediatrician next month.

My 7 year old sounds similar but very average academically at school. Doesn't have a friendship group as such but doesn't seem bothered. Teachers have remarked he plays alone.
His tempers are epic and go on for hours. Today has been really hard. I have a 2 year wait for assessment so we are having to put the private on the credit card.
Every day is a challenge and I'm at the end of my tether

I’m no expert but do have a neurodiverse 7 year old DD with traits of a few different conditions (no formal diagnosis yet) and your description of DS sounds like ADHD to me.

It can be really hard can’t it @superplumb . I have found some of my DS’ defiant phases so tricky! He doesn’t have long lasting tantrums at homes but he is just so quick to react negatively to little things, it’s very tiresome. He never plays alone now but did as a 2-3 year old, but he plays with one of his few closest friends every single play time without fail, he doesn’t branch out when they are there.

@Abeachsomewhere that’s how I would describe my DS, I’ve trawled the internet on the 3 conditions mentioned in my title and he seems to have lots of traits but it’s not obvious to me what it could be.

Reminds me of my ds with ASD and dyspraxia. DS was a good swimmer and played the piano which has helped him, but such appalling hand writing, no good at football and awkward with a knife and fork. DS had friends at primary school he always stuck with, even now he's older he likes to stick with one person or a couple if he knows them well, but he struggles if others try to join in. The social issues became a lot more obvious at secondary school though.

Personally I'd say it's not ADHD if he is doing well and school and ahead of most of the class as ADHD makes it so hard to focus and keep the info in - yours sounds like mine in that he doesn't appear to be taking notice but generally is and fiddling can actually help that. How is his sleep? Is he bouncing off the walls at night? Is he constantly hyper? If not then I definitely think more ASD that ADHD. All are linked though (dyspraxia, dyslexia etc too ) and can overlap or you can have more than one.

Thanks @Choconut yes my DS definitely prefers his little group. If they were all off sick I’m confident he would play with others, but he generally likes 1-2-1 or little groups. We had a meet up in the summer holidays for his class and only one of his little group was there, he stuck to them for a while but then happily played with a load of his other classmates which was lovely to see, but had more of his core group been there I imagine he would’ve stuck to them.

No he sleeps well, always has done. He still goes to bed around 7pm and sleeps for an average of 11 hours I’d say. He’s pretty loud/hyper/boisterous though, he seems to have a lot of energy and will have bursts so even though he’s had outside time and exercise, after a meal he will have a sudden burst of hyperactivity.

@Choconut just had an update from my DS’ teacher as we have a communications book (finally).

He’s had a good week, however she’s noted one negative in that he struggles to pair up with anyone other than his two close friends (his only two friends really) and only seems comfortable with those two. Does that ring any bells to you from when your DS was growing up? Frustratingly I see my DS play very nicely with other children at family friend gatherings, playgrounds etc when his two friends aren’t there. But it certainly seems like he ignores all other kids when they are there, and it’s worrying that it’s effecting him working cooperatively in class.

I have a 10 year old, diagnosed autistic recently. Issues with behaviour at school, all he cares about is monkey bars during lunch break! I would be happy to meet and let the kids find out common connection. I have heard kids on spectrum socialize better with each other. I live in Harrow and desparately looking for other parents in same boat.