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Being left out of parties. Any advice?

5 replies

Cloudlesspuddles · 14/11/2022 13:01

Hello everyone. My son is nearly 7 and is going through a rough time at the moment.
There have been a number of parties (this term and last) that my son hasn’t been invited too.
I appreciate that due to the cost of living etc, whole class parties prove very expensive and that he can’t expect to go to every one. However, he’s not even getting invited to his friends parties. He’s a quiet boy with a speech delay but has the kindest manner about him. His teacher says he plays with quite a big group at school & doesn’t ever appear to be left out.
There was another party over the weekend and I am just waiting for the tears tonight.
Any words of advice would be great as a way to comfort him. Thank you. Xx

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SusiePevensie · 14/11/2022 20:03

No advice, but have a hug. We're in a not too dissimilar position. DS seems to be liked by other kids and included - at school and when we bump into kids e.g. at the park - but party and playdate invites don't follow. It is what it is.

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Cloudlesspuddles · 14/11/2022 21:25

Thanks so much for replying. It’s so hard. He didn’t say a word about it when he got home. However, 10 minutes ago he literally just sat up and cried in his sleep, saying he wished he could be grown up and then he might have some friends.

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SusiePevensie · 14/11/2022 22:00

One thing that has helped a bit is saying there are lots of different kinds of friendships - that it is ok to have friends who you play with at school - even if they don't invite you to their parties. It can still be friendship.


There's an Usborne All About Friends book that is good for giving a broad, inclusive sense of friendship and what it is.

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TwinklingStarlight · 15/11/2022 01:43

Really good point above. It's very easy with black and white thinking to assume no party invite equals no real friends. That needs to be challenged. He may also be inclined to hold friendship to a very high standard, when it would be easier to think of friendship as a wider circle with less stringent entry requirements.

Giving him nice things to look forward to where you can, so he has something positive to focus on. Spending time with others whether that is family friends or small playdates, if that is possible. But the repeatedly unreciprocated playdates can cause their own upset.

DS has never been invited to a sleepover except by his sister. It was well worth doing just the 2 of them though. It was lots of fun.

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SusiePevensie · 15/11/2022 12:47

Yeah, I think sometimes we all (even adults) get dragged into thinking that friendships only count if they tick a bunch of boxes, and it's bullshit. You can see it here with people tying themselves into knots about whether to accept an invite that they only got because someone else dropped out and suchlike. But it's hard to see that even as an adult and it must be very hard as a kid.

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