Support with Undiagnosed ADD daughter

[ouch12345]

Hi, I was wondering if anyone can give and advice or guidance at all?

DD1(5) is in Y1 of primary. We have always struggled with her emotional regulation, she can be very volatile and is not able to control her emotions. She's been like this from really early on.

For background I have ADD as do my mum and sister.

dd1 is doing really well at school and the behaviour she has at home doesn't seem to happen in the classroom at all, she's in top sets for reading / writing / spelling etc. I've spoken to the teacher about her being potentially SEN but they don't agree and think that she's doing really well.

Reasons why i think she may have SEN include:

Emotional regulation (which is the real issue I need some help with) a few screaming / crying hitting outburst daily which can last a long time.
Unable to sit still
sleep habits struggles to get to sleep, wakes frequently and up early
Very Sensitive to noise, smells fabrics
Interrupts often

My concern is I wasn't diagnosed till much later in life and it impacted my mental health massively, I really don't want this for her if she has SEN I want ti make sure we / the school are giving her all the support she can get. My husband also doesn't understand ADD and thinks she's just being 'naughty' when she has volatile outbursts and I really don't want her to feel like that especially if it's something out of her control.

I suppose I was just wondering if people with SEN children have been through anything similar / do you think this sounds like ADD? I don't really know where to go with it?

Thanks for anyone that's taken the time to read this.

Hi, my son is also 5 and in Y1, and I strongly suspect autism/ADHD but he masks in school so his teachers have not yet had any concerns.
My advice is to keep a diary of his behaviours and request a meeting with the SENDCO. Ask them to observe your DD.
Also, is there a chance you might be able to afford a private OT assessment? We found a good OT (highly recommended for ND children) and her report, recommendations and sessions have been very helpful. Once of the first things she said to me (after about 15 mins with DS) was "it's not in your head" and I had to hold back the sobs tbh! Her validation gave me the confidence to push school a bit more, eg he is doing sensory circuits now which helps.

It's also worth checking the process in your area for referral and assessment. In my area it has to go through school, but in some areas I think the GP can refer. So if that's the case you could talk to the GP - read the nice guidelines first as that's always helped me be a bit more confident and know the most relevant things to point out.

Similar situation with my 6 year old son. School have agreed to refer but I've been told it's at least a 2 year wait. I've the name of a private dr but google results show I'm looking at £1k which I cannot afford. My son says really odd things when angry like he wants to die wishes he was homeless and dead etc. It's really upsetting and u have no idea what to do.

My son says that he hates himself very frequently, also that he doesn't want to be alive (less frequently but still quite often) and once he said he wanted to die. He's 5. It's heartbreaking

Look up the coke bottle effect. It is not uncommon for DC to hold it together at school and explode at home. It doesn’t mean the problem is at home. If school life was easier for DD home life would improve.

In some areas you can self refer. If you can’t in your area ask the GP to.

Ask to speak to the school’s SENCO, too. Ask how they are going to support DD’s emotional development.

So much of what you've said sounds so familiar op. Dd is also in Y1 and displays much of this. The school senco brushed us off repeatedly. They had no handover between reception and Y1, so her teacher and TAs just thought she was playing up/ being intentionally difficult when she couldn't tolerate her shoes and socks on her feet. Our cm helped by speaking to a TA and explaining that she has seen many of the same behaviours we have done at home. She definitely masks, and is likewise doing well academically.

Her teacher this year seems to be much more proactive and even if she's not giving it a 'label', she at least understands and is open to more one to one support for her. I suspect ADD, as she often doesn't seem to 'hear' instructions and will get by through copying others, which must be exhausting for her. She's the same in any kind of tuition in loud environments. But she thrives in one to one.

No answers really. I think we'll pay to go for a private assessment. I have similar concerns as you about mental health as she gets older.