I can't handle dd's sleep problems because I feel upset and guilty about her SN.

[Jenkeywoo]

DD is 22 months and has mild CP. She has never been a good sleeper - wakes up screaming several times a night and needs me to get her back to sleep which is annoying but I go with it as she gets very panicky and does seem to need me. Have attempted leaving her to cry for a few minutes but she gets out of control and porduces mucus and vomits and then takes several hours to settle. She is not one of these leave to cry for a minute or too and pat on the back to settle - no amount of patting would work, ever. She can cry and not sleep for upwards of an hour - she cried for 70 mins in the car last week as we had to get to her Conductive education centre - during the journey she vomited up her usual clear mucus stuff 3 times.

However, the situation is changing a bit - these last few weeks she's been falling asleep with me beside her in bed as normal and then waking shortly afterwards and being utterly awake for hours - she keeps sitting up and mucking around and getting into th crawling position (she has just learnt to crawl) - again if I leave the room she gets frenzied straight away. If this was my other daughter I would have been able to deal with it- eventually we did pick up, put down a la house of tiny tearaways and after 2 or 3 nights of hell she started sleeping well. But I just can't do it with dd - I look into her little eyes and she looks so scared and desperate. I feel so sad and guilty that she has CP and is still so dependent on me. She doesn't look nearly 2 and she doesn't have the emotional maturity of a 2 year old imo. I remember dd1 at this age having sticker charts etc and understanding about going to bed (even if she didn't want to). DD2 just isn't at that point yet - but she is mucking around and I am at that point so what to do?

oh jenkey I hope you know that you have nothing to feel guilty for, not unless extreme devotion and love are a crime these days!

I don't know if you think this would suit her capabilities, but what worked with my ds at this stage (though he does not have sn in this way) was making clear to him that we would sit or lay with him, but ONLY if he lay down. If he got up or tried to play, we would make as if to go. Of course they want you there more than they want to play so he very soon learned that we would only stay if he was keeping his end of the bargain. Do you think she would make that connection between her being up/you making as if to go?

it worked for us anyway. just a thought.

omg you brought back some memories. dd used to cry all the way to CE and sleep all the way back. does your dd like doing it?
I often think dc's with cp(not all) don't have the sort off switch tha nt dc's have. dd will cry and cry to the point where I think she forgets what she is crying about. my freind has the same thing with her dd(and they are 12)
what kind of bed does she sleep in? and can she play with toys?

This may be no help, but I have had similar sorts of problems with Ds2 at different stages and again because of his SN I have never been happy to just leave him to cry. What I have done and it usually works though not always immediately, is to avoid anything that would encourage her - keep the room as dark as possible, don't talk to her, avoid eye contact; if possible get a torch or sit by the crack in the door and read a book studiously. Make sure there is nothing to be gained by her waking up. If possible try sitting with her in the room when going to sleep rather than lying with her, because it is easier to leave without waking her and this might be useful later on even if you can escape without waking her now. HTH - I know with sleep problems what works for one might not for another but thought it might be worth a try.

I think she is getting to the stage where she's starting to understand about lying down - I was doing that tonight and she was starting to get the message. She does love her CE weirdly - last week after crying all the way she looked out of the window and pointed at the CE centre and said 'what dat?' - I said 'that's the rainbow centre' - she then pointed and said 'me go dere' and proceded to have a very good session! I do know what you mean about the crying till they don't know and can't control crying. It's a tough one.

i have always found it pointless to just leave dd to cry. The one thing we found helped is haveing a VERY strict bedtime routine when she was younger. so she knew exactly what was going to happen. she also has a bed with sides(padded) you know the ones you get of ss that go up and down. so we put it as low as poss. when she was really young it was a matress on the floor.
thing is your dd is playing you just like a nt dc would. (dd is brill at this) and if you are anything like me excuse it thinking it is the cp when it is just normal behaiviour.
just got dd one of those teddys you heat in the microwave it seems to really settle her when she cuddles it.

2shoes - you're so right - she is behaving like any other toddler but the big softies mummy will always think about the CP. I have to say how do we know how the brain damage she has affects her? the brain is so complicated and it is too simplistic to just think of CP as a motor disorder. I just can't out my finger on but she does seem as emotionally mature as an NT child. The hard thing is that the health professionals are not interested in anything beyond physical development. That's why it's so useful to hear from everyone here - it's good to know. Thank you. Well she's been asleep since about 10pm - dh had to do the pretending to fall asleep thing and apparantly she sat up and stroked his forehead just as I do to her for about 20 mins! then lay down and fell asleep. Long may it last.

it's funny my friend and i often talk about this. both our dd's have cp and are severely affected. but they are both bright and understand everything until you get to the emotional side of things. we put it down to a lot of it being lack of experiencing things. even a nt toddler learns about rough and tumble and sharing and stuff like that. but with a child with cp it is all so much slower,
take Monday, dd not well and upset. me omg is it her epilepsy, is it something hurting and she can't tell me......no it is her being a 12 yr old and wanting a day off school

dd (nearly 4) is the same. She can't talk either and often seems to think using emotions and not reasoning. Plus, I'm too scared to leave her to cry in case she has a seizure. I called Scope, the HV etc and no-one can tell me anything useful about behaviour in brain damage. Is it 'normal' to take longer to learn things? Is it normal to be emotionally like a baby? To be over-anxious, over emotional?
Why can't any of the paeds tell me?

i think it is cos they don't know. but i find the longer you are in the cp world the more you notice it.
take J aged 16 he is bright can talk but is very disabled physicaly. ds is same age(almost) bright can talk ect and nt. but emotionaly they are worlds apart.