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DS 11 really struggling with emotions

4 replies

Stressedmummyof4 · 07/11/2022 19:47

Evening,

Looking for a bit of advice please. Diagnosed ASD around 4 years ago. Nursery and School have always been a complete nightmare (mainstream). He does not cope in the classroom at all and goes between wandering round the school aimlessly to getting into trouble because when kids approach him to find out why he's out of class he reacts mostly verbally but becoming more often physically.

I have been called to the school every day last week after lunch to collect because he's either refusing to go into class, has hit someone or is demanding to come home. He ended up suspended for 1 day on Friday afternoon after hurting another child.

Unfortunately on Friday I had a weekend booked with my family, my mum and my brothers family away for Firework weekend as a treat. I had no option but to continue with the weekend for the sake of my other kids.

It has been a complete nightmare, I am home today and absolutely exhausted mentally. The backchat, cheek and just down right awkwardness all weekend has finally reached an all time high and for the first time in 11 years I felt as though I was broken.

No I know that this is not about me, it's about him and how he isn't coping but by god it's really hard.

We have attempted CAMHS referrals 4 times now and always been refused as they have said it's a school issue.

I don't know what to do, my response tonight was to come home and remove all electronic devices from his room to tell him that I won't accept being spoke to like this and that his sisters deserved better, that it was supposed to be a treat weekend and it's all been miserable. I actually locked myself in the bathroom yesterday and sobbed.

It has been a full on 8 days of just non stop lashing out, he can be the sweetest boy with so much love to give but I'm exhausted.

I hindsight I probably should have bailed out on the weekend with him but I didn't want my girls to miss out and I feel it's too much to ask my mum to take on.

Any advice would be appreciated and thanks for listening!

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Thatsnotmycar · 07/11/2022 20:11

When you were called to collect every day after lunch were they formal exclusions? If not the school were illegally excluding DS, and in future you should refuse to collect unless he is being formally excluded.

What support are the school providing? Does DS have an EHCP? If he does MH provision can be included in that and if the NHS cant or won’t provide it the LA must commission independent provision. Has he had a SALT and OT assessment? Are the school providing emotional literacy support?

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Stressedmummyof4 · 07/11/2022 21:14

Hi @Thatsnotmycar

No not formal exclusions, tbh I don't expect much in that sense he has went from being on a part time timetable for 3 years and this is us trying to get up to full time hours on the run up to high school.

We are in Scotland so we have a GIRFEC rather than an EHCP I believe. They have realised eventually that he is not coping with the noise and business of the class room so they were trying 9 till morning break in class, morning break till lunch out with the class with a teacher or they have a local football teams coach coming in on a Tuesday to spend this part of the day with him then a support teacher on the Friday. A Tuesday and Wednesday falls on the deputy head or principal teacher, lunch then back to class in afternoon till home. It seems to be this last section of the day he is really failing in.

We have had SALT and OT input, SALT discharged and OT gave recommendations for pressure therapy and regular movement breaks, ear plugs or noise defenders.

I know I'm looking for a 'magic wand' but I truly hate to see him struggling like this, it breaks my heart.

I've had a little nap since dad came home from work and I've woken feeling guilty because of what I wrote earlier about him being really hard work x

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Thatsnotmycar · 07/11/2022 21:37

The school are illegally excluding DS, don’t allow them to continue. Part time timetables should be short term, aimed at reintegration and not to manage behaviour. Enquire can help you challenge the school.

CSPs are the Scottish equivalent of EHCPs. If DS doesn’t have one Enquire have information about them and how to request one. SALT and OT can be included in them and they would help DS regulate his emotions.

From what you have written about who is supporting DS in school it’s not surprising he is struggling with the constant change.

Have you thought about asking for social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

For your other DC it’s worth contacting your local young carer’s service and Sibs.

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Stressedmummyof4 · 07/11/2022 21:59

Thank you @Thatsnotmycar

You've given me some great points and places to contact. I'll have a look into them all tomorrow with hopefully a fresh head!

I have been asking, well begging for a referral from school to a placement in a more needs based school but have always hit a wall head on. Recently though they seem to have realised and have eventually gave their backing and completed the forms for him to go to an ASN secondary school. I understand we don't get the answer to this until February as far as I'm aware. I've just got everything crossed because I'm actually dreading the thought of a mainstream high school. He just walks out of the primary school when he has had enough, a teacher follows him as a distance and I get a call to meet him on the walk home. But sometimes I realise just how much of an impact it has on us. I'm scared to make plans or to even go to the supermarket whilst he is in school for fear that he leaves x

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