4 year old can't share toys

[moccly]

Hello, just wondering what strategies others have for this?

DS is 4 and dx with autism, with moderate needs. When we have play dates there inevitably comes a point where he will meltdown because he doesn't want to share something or wants to play in a specific way.

We have found that he needs removing from the situation and a long hug to calm down, or some alone time in his bedroom. Either way he cannot renter the situation as all just starts over again. But it's the only way to stop the crying and whinging.

He is like this with his younger sibling too. And it is quite exhausting trying to model and show him how to share.

I don't know how much of this is normal 4 year old behaviour and how much is autism - either way I need some strategies to cope.

He is not like this at school (so we've been told), but it does happen if we go to soft play, other peoples homes etc.

Bumping

When you say he will meltdown because he doesn't want to share something what do you mean? Do you mean he won’t give someone else something he is playing with, because they want it too?

This is a tricky topic. Many professionals recommend not making kids share at all, because basically it involves just giving something they want to someone else. Of course this is largely what most other people expect when they talk of ‘sharing’ which makes it tricky to navigate socially.

I don’t think there’s a magic solution. Social stories and playing lots of turn taking games - you will need to start by letting him have more turns at first and build up. Lots of empathy and understanding - ‘you really want the x, I can see that…’

It will get easier as he gets older but that might not be helpful at the moment.