Waiting on help & struggling

[Mumofmonkeys12]

Hi, I posted this in the behaviour part before I realised there was a specific place for special needs chat…. Anyway…..

both of my children are awaiting assessments for possible ASD. My youngest has been through a lot of professionals so far, his behaviours are more ‘on your face’ than that of my oldest, so we’ve been seeking help for him since he was around 2, he’s now 8.
we’ve been through CAMHS… panned off twice then referred to psychology. They’ve been great so far but we’ve been with them 2.5years now & although we are further forward with a diagnosis (possible asd, adhd, dyslexia, dyspraxia, CVI) …. I’m no further forward with actual help.
my oldest has only just started the process after the school being concerned about sensory issues at the beginning of the summer.
we’ve also had social work on & off but even they’ve been no help & I’ve literally cried on the phone & infront of them begging them to help.

im a single mum, my kids have a very unreliable relationship with dad. In all honestly the only support network my kids have is myself. My mum works full time, she has the boys every now & again for dinner etc but since covid/lockdowns etc it hasn’t been much. Kids dad used to be every 2nd weekend but my oldest is refusing point blank to go now (alot of broken promises so I can’t blame him) & my youngest is just very confused about the hole thing & keeps changing his mind about going & it doesn’t help that dads basically ignored us all for 2months while I try to sort it on my own.

recently my youngests behaviour is getting worse & worse. We seem to go a while without any bumps then it’s just kick off after kick off, holidays are the worst! We are now at the end of week 1 of our October break & im ready to sign myself into the mental hospital just for a bit of peace… we still have another week to go!, my house looks like a bombs went off (no I mean seriously! There is just stuff everywhere no matter how many times I tidy) I’ve had to empty his room of any breakables for his own safety because he completely lost his sh*t & smashed up the place & in all honestly it was mostly because I’m sick of having to replace expensive things, I’m a student to money isn’t a luxury I have.
It’s now 2am & he’s only just stopped throwing things about an hour ago.
he has also taken to running away, it used to be he’d run away from dads to come home but since not seeing dad he just runs away to be defiant. A couple of weeks ago the police actually had to bring him home because he bolted out his bedroom window after being grounded for breaking his brothers bike. He was reported missing for 4hours. My oldest has started having panic attacks when left alone so going out hunting him on my own isn’t an option anymore. & I can’t take him because my youngest takes it all out on him & can be quite violent.
im at my wits end. Im not entirely sure what help I’m wanting or needing but anything is better than the nothing we have now.
.Im sick of not sleeping, I’m sick of not being able to have nice things, I’m sick of my oldest having to listen to this day in day out & getting hurt! & I’m sick of no one listening.

sorry to rant.

Do DC have EHCPs?
You mention children’s services, have you had a carer’s assessment and Dc assessments via the disabled children’s team?

Scope have a mentoring programme for parents of DC undergoing diagnosis.
Have you applied for DLA?
Have you had an OT assessment to make the house secure and safe?

If you haven’t already have a look at Yvonne Newbold’s resources.
How old is DC2?

Apologies for all the questions!

No EHCPs yet.
no carers assessment or disabled childrens team. No OT.
we get dla for DC2 but that was a mission & a half.
my children are 10 & 8…. The 8yo has the most challenging behaviour.
I was sent for parenting classes, as of course they did not believe that the behaviour wasn’t my fault, completed these jump through many a hoop & now that they’ve decided it not my fault I’ve been left just to get on with it really. 😞

You should apply for EHCNAs. IPSEA have a model letter you can use on their website.

You can ask for carer’s assessment and assessments via the disabled children’s team. Contact have model letters for both on their website.

Ask the LA for an OT assessment.

Also apply for DLA for DC1, the Cerebra guide is helpful when completing the form.

I feel these things may be slightly different as I’m scotland, but I’ll definitely look into them. They don’t seem to make getting help very easy in my area.
what’s LA?

As you are in Scotland it is CSP rather than EHCP and Enquire can help with that.

Contact have a model letter for Scotland for social care assessment for DC by the disabled children’s team. You can still ask for a carer’s assessment in Scotland but Contact don’t have a model letter.

LA stands for local authority, your local council. You can still ask the LA for an OT assessment as part of their aids and adaptations team (or whatever they call it locally).

As a new application it would also be child disability payment rather than DLA.

Thank you so much for all this advice. It’s more than anyone has given us so far.

I’ve had a quick look over the Yvonne newbold website already. I’ll read more once I get a minute.

I will be contacting our social worker today as it’s been weeks since I last heard anything from them. So I will also look into the other things mentioned above. Thank you.

yes our DLA for dc2 has recently swapped over to the new one.