How do I stop her screaming? At the end of my tether....

[heartinthecountry]

dd1, who has learning disabilities, has started screaming all the time and it is really really getting to me. She does it whenever she is bored, if she doesn't get her own way and sometimes (often it feels) just for the hell of it. It is definitely an attention thing but she will also do it when she has full one to one attention. I think to make an impact. It gets much worse when she is off school for any period of time. Suggesting perhaps to do with under stimulation?

I've tried totally ignoring it, but she just gets louder and louder and carries on. I've tried telling her to stop and removing attention. I've tried distraction, which can work but only as long as the distraction lasts. And I can't give her attention 100% of the time.

It has made our life really so much more difficult. Until about a year ago I could pretty much take her anywhere. Now I dread taking her out in public at all because I know she will start screaming at some point and it is really loud and people do stare and quite rightly take offence. I say quite rightly because it really is a horrible noise. I don't think it is people being intolerant of her disability, it is genuinely hard to stay in the same room as her when she is doing it.

I need advice on how to stop this. She is pretty much non-verbal but does have quite good signing and really good understanding. She knows she is doing it and she knows it is wrong, but she just won't stop.

How would ABA approach this? Anyone any ideas. I'll try anything pretty much.

my freind has a dd who does this(cp) and she puts her in another room. I do hope someone can give you some tips as it must be very draining.

Thanks 2shoes - one problem we have is that downstairs we only have one main room and a kitchen - so we can't really put her anywhere else. I don't want to put her up in her room as at the moment she generally is very good about going to bed and don't want her to start having negative associations with her bedroom.

i suppose it is easier for my freind as her dd is in a wheelchair so she puts her in the hallway untill she calms down.

don't know vast amounts about ABA so just really done a quick google, you might find this page useful - has general info on aba and a brief para about stopping screaming in the depths of this

www.users.qwest.net/~tbharris/aba_handbook.htm

hope this is of some use until someone more knowledge can reply to you

I know it sounds a bit harsh but is it worth doing some sort of aversion therapy. I know aquariusmum has had experience of this.

My ma in law said that her mother used to splash cold water intheir faces when they were young and had tantrums so I tried this as my eldest could go on for hours. I also did it on my youngest. I would do it differently now (use a spray) but the shock of the small amount of water was often enough to make them take a breath, and stop. I used to wet a flannel and actually i got to the stage that I only had to give a warning and then march towards to basin then they would stop for a bit. Funnily enough they were both fine with the flannel in the bath. My memory is a bit hazy now but I do think that if you know it is a deliberate act, they understand its driving you potty, and they have the wherewithall to stop it then showing them that there are consequences to this behaviour is OK. You have to be very clear and careful in your own mind as to what you are going to do and how far you take it and also what is going to cause an aversion or diversion. I remember using the phrase 'stop shouting and breath' very very firmly.

It must be a nightmare for you. I know my son's tantrums could go on for ever when he was small and piercing screaming is worse I think. Aquariusmum might be on with some more cogent advice than mine.

All the best.

Oops I think it was ancientmiddleagedmum (who I'm sure isn't ancient at all) who did aversion technique. I knew it began with an A (the name and the technique ) so sorry to aquiarius or ancientMAM if I have got it wrong. I'm going off to change my name to Totallydecrepitbrain.

If she's doing it in relation to under stimulation perhaps you need to try a sensory diet type thing- loads of hyper stimulation from the morning gradually tailing through to more calmong stuff by evening (DS3 is hyposensistive).

If it is noise she craves, perhaps headphones with music would redress the balance somewhat?

No idea about the ABA thing sorry- just feeding abck what OT said today LOL!

I agree with flyingmum, this one could drive you completely potty and seriously affect you and dd's chance to live a normalish life, go to places etc. With my DS, we used hairwash and then eventually a water spray for aggression. The whole street looked at me the other day, as DS ran off into the road (luckily no cars) and I couldn't out-run him, so I shouted at the top of my voice "Get back here now or I will WASH YOUR HAIR!". Yes, everyone thought I'm a madwoman, but he stopped in his tracks!. Is there anything similar you could do for DD to show it's unacceptable behaviour? I know not everyone agrees with aversive therapy, but then again they are not living with what you are living with and cannot know how wearing it can be (my dear son used to say "eeee eeeee eeee" all day and all night, if you just try saying it for 2 mins, you can see how mad that drives you as a constant background noise!). Good luck to you, heart in the country!

Thanks everyone, some definite food for thought here. Am going to look into replacement behaviours and aversion therapy.

Under-stimulation stuff interesting too Peachy though I don't think she is doing it because she wants noise but because she is bored IYSWIM.

Do you have any sanctions? DS1 has started screaming (often from excitement) a lot recently. Ear piercing. Or he'll do it at 7am in the garden . I tend to say 'stop screaming'. If he carries on 'I'll out you in your room' (being 'put in his room' consists of 10 seconds behind a closed door before it's opened again). At the moment that works (for now- soon he won't care- then we'll be back to no sanctions and will be stuffed again).

Much sympathy. I know that after a day of screaming my nerves are shot.

Hmm. If i say and sign stop, she usually just looks me in the eye and does it again (minx!) though sometimes it will work briefly.

We tried putting her out in the hallway whenever she did it for a while but she either seemed not to care and carried on, or would get very upset and scream even more in protest. Either way, it ended up that we couldn't let her back in because she hadn't stopped and I do have problems with long periods of time-out for a child with learning disabilities. Might try the mat though as then she at least isn't excluded.

It's a hard one though. I do wonder how much of it is attention seeking and how much because she can't say what she wants to and is incredibly frustrated. it seems unfair to punish that.

oooh that's good (looks you in the eye and does it again). I secretly like it when ds1 does that.

You have the problem we have periodically- no sanctions. At the moment ds1 does mind being in his room for 10 seconds (to the point where saying 'stop or you;ll go in your room' often works). I've never found the answer at those times tbh.

The only thing I could suggest is to say that starting from a time you decide that whenever she does it you give her no attention at all - not any (if you think attention is reinforcing it) then as soon as she stops she gets reinforced in some way she really really like. Although that might be really hard to do as almost any attention might end up being reinforcing, and timing is cruicial and bloody difficult to get right ime- especially when there are siblings to look after as well.

My DS did this for ages and it was the worst thing to cope with.
His fav was to do it in the car - a real Hollywood scream - and he could keep it going for up to an hour.
the ed psych who helped me with it told me to persist in ignoring. Actually it was really more than ignoring it was more purposful than that. I had to quite deliberately and imediately occupy myself with something that clearly excluded him. So if I were in a room with him and he did it I should pick up a book , or look out of the window and start talking about stuff I could see. In the car i whistled and sang. It stopped him almost imediately - he couldn't bear it. the only downside was that i felt like a total bitch, especially as i had worked so hard to get him to talk to me/interact with me.
But it was so bad that if i hadn't sorted it I would have crashed the car or done something terrible

I think if I were doing it now i would keep my i-pod very handy and dance

HITC,
My daughter is 18 now and I still remember how much she used to cry/scream I think it's very hard with a disabled child acting in this way because I never really knew if the screaming was through pain [she was born prem with cysts on her brain resulting in her having c.p.]Because the screaming was sooo prolonged I was also frightened that she'd hurt herself!.
I learned how to still go out in public with a screaming baby/child without it effecting me and if it bothers others in the supermarket...tough!
Its quite common especially with kids with cerebral palsy and certain other disabilities to cry/scream in this way and even the doctors don't really know why.
I personally would see if there's a Toy Library in your area [ring local council offices] and take your daughter there, you'll meet other parents with SN kids, learn some coping strategies and if they have a sensory room it could have a calming effect on you both or a nice gentle massage may help your girl to relax.
GOOD LUCK.
XJUNE

Thanks all. Yep, I'm coming round to the idea that ignoring is really the only way forward. Easier to do at home than when out in public though.