Dd (5) has been invited to a 10 year old's birthday party, and she doesn't know the child well; it is a family member's cousin who took a shine to dd at a Christmas party. It was so lovely of them to invite her and because it is family I felt obliged to say yes.
I have prepped dd for weeks and at no point has she been keen to go, but she is definitely having none of it today. Screaming, shouting, hiding, sobbing, throwing things, hitting etc. She REALLY doesn't want to go. She hates parties, so going to one where she doesn't know anyone was never going to happen and I was stupid to accept the invitation.
I feel like we have to go or we are letting the family down, but dd will last 10 mins tops, IF I can get her in the car in the first place. The party starts in 10 mins, it is a 45 min drive away and dd has currently shut herself in the bathroom and is running the taps to calm herself down (one of her self soothing methods). What on earth do I say to the parents? I feel like absolute rubbish, and the worst parent in the world as all I do is mess everything up. I am also ND so have just gone into shutdown and can't breathe. We never make it to parties/gatherings on time, if at all, and I feel like such a flake and incompetent. Dd doesn't have a diagnosis yet so I can't give neurodivergence as a reason for not attending.
I'm also worried that saying that we won't go after all gives dd a reason not to go to any gatherings ever.
Help!