Helping DS with friendships

[PoivronCochon]

DS(6, under assessment for ASD) has just started a new school and I'm wondering what if anything I can do to help him make friends.
He has friends outside school - friends that he made through me (as in my friends' kids) and friends that he made independently through nursery - but I feel like as he gets older his differences are more obvious and it's not so easy.

My NT DD would organise herself playdates galore but I'm a bit wary of organising playdates for DS as a) I wouldn't even know which child to invite and b) if it was a flop I worry it would make things worse for him.

Maybe I'm overthinking it and it's early days anyway, but any advice would be gratefully received.

One thing we had with DD in Reception was a play worker (she was a nanny with some SEN experience) who would go in at lunchtime or playtime once a week and try to scaffold DD's interactions with peers (sorry for the slighly clumpy language - but basically she would play with DD and encourage interactions with the other kids - e.g. if they were playing with Lego, point out what another kid was making, or suggest they could put creations together, or X could pass Y a piece or vice versa). Of course I'll never know what difference it made but DD seemed to enjoy it and she does interact with peers pretty well I think (though definitely less in quantity than would be typical - she'll quite often just take a book and go read somewhere - but obviously that's fine - I just want her to have the choice, whereas when she was little it seemed like she often wanted to play with others but just didn't know how to make it happen!)

She also had some SLT at school where she would choose a friend to go and play a game with her (usually Pop Up Pirates) which just practiced those kind of interactions.

We paid for both of those (it was a private school - I don't know if this would be harder to arrange in the state sector).

Maybe suggesting meeting up in a playground somewhere might be less pressured than a playdate at home, if school isn't supportive with doing things actually at school? Would DS or school be able to advise which kids he might like to play with? Would having DD and a friend there also help to smooth things - e.g. if your DS plays with your DD happily, then inviting a pair of children who are similar ages might work well?

Thank you for your reply. That Play Worker sounds fab! I think we'd struggle to get something similar because there just aren't many resources like that where we are - the school has assured me that the PSAs try to do a similar job but I think they are pretty stretched to be honest.

Meeting in a 'third' space is a good idea; DS does talk about a couple of kids that he likes but when I see them in the playground at the start and end of the day I don't really get the impression that they're interested in him :( However, we've got a parent teacher evening coming up so I'll ask then. Having DD plus one of her friends could work well - what can happen is that kids I'm hoping will play with DS end up with DD instead, but if she had a friend there too it might be a better dynamic. She is extremely good at organising younger kids/games! A couple of her friends have younger siblings who get on really well with DS, but they're all at different schools sadly.

Yes - I would say DD's best relationships are really with a friend from her previous school (who is also ND) and her cousins - she gets on with school friends but isn't really close to any of them I don't think. But she seems happy with that and I don't want to force anything! Now she's older she gets on pretty well with other kids as long as they have an activity in common that they are both enjoying - so I try to focus on arranging things where there is something to do that will keep all the kids busy on the same thing, at least for a while.