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What am I going to do?

15 replies

ewchoc · 13/09/2022 15:54

DS (6, ASD) was excluded from mainstream in year 1. After a lot of fighting, we got him a place at a special school and he started last week. It is our closest school but the journey is an hour. Everyone told me special school would help but it hasn't. As of today he won't go in. He says it's too far and he gets travel sick on the journey every day. He won't eat or go to the toilet at school and he says the other children hurt him. He's having many violent meltdowns every day (as was the case in mainstream). At home he has smashed many belongings and often hurts us. He is under CAMHS but they haven't been helpful so far.

If he won't go to school, I can't work and we soon won't be able to afford our mortgage, bills etc. There's no way he will engage with any form of learning at home so I don't feel home schooling or EOTAS are options. He needs to be at school. He's very clever but as he's never been able to access actual lessons he's getting further and further behind. If we give up on school, he'll never even learn to read or write. He's miserable at home. While we were trying to find him a school he cried every day that he wanted to go and was bored at home. Now we have a school, he says it's too far away and nothing seems to have improved at all.

We can't afford to live closer to the school and that would cause even more problems in getting our other child to her school. She is really suffering from all the stress and uncertainty. DH has a chronic illness and is often at hospital appointments. I can't be in two places at once. I just don't feel like this is a life worth living for any of us.

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Thatsnotmycar · 13/09/2022 17:35

It’s very early days, it may take a while for DS to settle. Have you tried anything to help with the travel sickness? The school do need to be more on top of others hurting DS, what have the school said about that? Would the school visit DS at home or somewhere other than school to build trust?

Does DS have OT, SALT and MH therapies in his EHCP?

However, if the school isn’t right for DS there are a couple of other options. Would residential be a option - there would be less frequent travelling? EOTAS doesn’t necessarily have to be provision at home. Sometimes it takes place exclusively outside the home.

Nsky62 · 13/09/2022 17:36

Travel bands

ewchoc · 13/09/2022 18:42

Thanks for replying. School have basically said the same, that it's early days and all the children are settling in. I've told them what's said and they're very careful not to say anything about other children. I do get the impression they're trying to keep them separate. His EHCP specifies a few specific things but they hadn't even read it when he started because we only got it finalised two days before the start of term!

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ewchoc · 13/09/2022 18:44

I'd forgotten about travel bands, thanks for the reminder. We used to use them pre-covid and they did work pretty well. Since then we'd just used pills for occasional long journeys but obviously don't want to use them every day

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PDAmomma · 13/09/2022 19:45

My son (age 6) has major issues with car travel (sickness) and now refusal to even get in a car. I thinks it’s over sensitive vestibular sense. He is now school refusing and hasn’t attended since Feb last year. Waiting for EHCP and dreading that they’re going to name a school miles away.

I couldn't imagine an hour car journey there and back. That would be hard on any child especially one with ASD. Are there nearer schools but with no spaces? Could you do EOTAS as a short term whilst waiting for a space.

I had to leave my job and now I work 2 days a week in a lesser paid job, so I totally get it. Having a child out of school feels impossible at times. I have a blog if you fancy a read. I think you’ll relate to it x

thepdaway.blogspot.com/2022/04/our-pda-world.html

PDAmomma · 13/09/2022 19:46

Ah I’ve just re-read your post saying he won’t engage with EOTAS - he honestly sounds just like my son. He’ll only engage if the learning is hidden and is there are no demands placed upon him

PDAmomma · 13/09/2022 19:49

Have you claimed DLA for him? This is what enabled me to drop my days at work. Does your DH claim PIP? If not then def put a claim in for both.

ewchoc · 13/09/2022 20:03

No special schools any closer sadly. We do get DLA and it does help, but won't replace a salary! And yes, I'm pretty sure he has PDA although no official diagnosis

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KateSmithy · 28/09/2022 14:05

Hey! If they've got an EHCP you can always ask them to look into using a specialist alternative provision - even just to help support getting them back into school - freshstartineducation.co.uk

Ilovechoc12 · 28/09/2022 15:34

You could get transport provided if you have EHCP … but won’t move the school distance.

Can he just go in for a hr each day to get into the swing of things building up the time to half a day?

it’s quite a big shock so baby steps not a full day ?!?!? Good luck

CharlieG31 · 03/10/2022 13:37

The LA will have to fund suitable transport for him it’s nothing to do with the school, search your local council website, they will have a Sen team and should have a transport application there, he is definitely entitled. Our local authority it’s over 2 mile away for a taxi!

Thatsnotmycar · 03/10/2022 13:44

CharlieG31 · 03/10/2022 13:37

The LA will have to fund suitable transport for him it’s nothing to do with the school, search your local council website, they will have a Sen team and should have a transport application there, he is definitely entitled. Our local authority it’s over 2 mile away for a taxi!

Your LA are acting unlawfully, the statutory walking distance doesn’t apply to transport when it is required due to SEND. They cannot limit transport to those over 2 miles from school.

CharlieG31 · 03/10/2022 14:56

Sorry you misunderstood. My LA is if the SEN school is 2 mile away or more (driving not walking), you’re automatically entitled. Obviously if you’re under 2 mile and then struggle to transport they provide transport. There are many children who live 5-10 minutes away at my sons school who get it.
I was just letting OP know that she will be entitled to the transport being so far away.

Thatsnotmycar · 03/10/2022 15:02

My LA is if the SEN school is 2 mile away or more (driving not walking), you’re automatically entitled.

Apologies when you posted Our local authority it’s over 2 mile away for a taxi I thought you meant you needed to be over 2 miles away to qualify for transport in your LA. The 2 miles statutory walking distance rule applies equally to DC in MS as it does to those in SS and it is by the safest walking route. If your LA are using driving route they are acting unlawfully.

ewchoc · 03/10/2022 15:23

We have transport, he goes in a taxi with other children and an escort. The problem is he gets car sick often. Last week he got to school, was sick, and so we had to pick him up and he had to stay home for 48 hours in case it was a stomach bug. Next time it happened they accepted it's just car sickness. But it's still happening often and so obviously he hates it and he doesn't want to go in

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