i think i may have realised that dd may have AS like her brothers

[belcantavinissima]

and i am feeling very very . she was meant to be my '''normal''' one( sorry if that offends but ykwim). she was the one that was going to make it ok that the other two are such hard work and make it all worthwhile.

i have been noticing more and more things that are like ds2 were at her age (which is when he was sent for assessment). thing is they are all so different from each other and how their AS affects them is so different but dd seems more like ds2 than ds1(ds1 is 'milder' if there is such a thing). i know that myself and dh have definite traits but not enough to warrant a diagnosis in us- besides what would be the point for us???)- so am feeling bad as well that in our case it cant be anything but genetic can it? sorry am rambling now.

also kind of dont want to go to gp/hv and say what i think as it has been me everytime , school, playschool etc never seem to bloody pick up on it as they are no bother at school. they dont seem to believe me when i tell them what its often like at home, usially straight from the school gates. am beginning to panic that they think i have munchausens by proxy lol!

so yes i dont really know what the point of this was other than to say am feeling despondent but not knowing quite waht to do

Hi,

How old is your DD? Are you sure that the behaviour she is displaying isnt just learnt behaviour?.

My DD2 (3) copys my DD1 (5 AS) alot. EG she puts her ands over her ears when i hoover and has started to kick up a stink if she doesnt get her juice in a certain cup ect.

AGree that with 2 older AS siblings it would be unusual if there wasn't a degree of copying their behaviour. In any case you can't diagnose it yourself and won't stop worrying until you know, so I should get it checked.
I understand why you're feeling bad re the possible genetic cause (I don't even know of there is one re AS) but you might as well be blaming a great-great grandparent who triggered it - it's so beyond the realms of anything you could possibly have known or controlled that you musn't waste energy dwelling on it. Poor you - you have lots of sympathy.

hi

she is little- she is 3, ds2 is 5 next week and ds1 is 9.
thats the thing i'm not sure if she is copying or its how she actually is iyswim. sometimes its def genuinely her eg i took her to the theatre to see cinderella, she was really excited and had been going on about it for ages but when we got in there she was v subdued and kept telling me she was tired (her code for i want to go home!), then she atrted completely freaking out with the noise. when i got her out she was bright red and trembling. so that could be a sensory thing or it could be an age thing or it could be what all NT kids do- i dont know see cos i havent had one before! she also lines up her toys which she has done for ages now but it seems to be more books these days- she lines them up all over the lounge floor and walks up and down them like a path. ds2 did this with boxes. but again maybe its an age thing . she has strict self imposed routines on what happens when we get home, getting a snack from the 'big door'. she even uses the same words every day i know exactly what shes going to say. she is v v stubborn with her clothes. she wont wear certaIN things, she will only wear skirts or dresses and refuses all trousers. she takes her socks and tights off at every opportunity inc when we are out or in the car. she is fussy about what cutlery she has and about anyone sitting in 'her' seat. she is however good socially with other girls but appears v shy around adults even ones who she knows until she has acclimatised herself to them again. some things i think she has learnt from ds2 like screaming over hairwashing as they bath together. she also completely freaks out shouting at me exactly like ds2 did at 2-3 whenever anyone sings or makes a noise when she is singing/ a song she likes is on.
you see my predicament in that i dont know if these things are copying, normal NT behaviours or AS.

sorry- that was long!

she changes her clothes several times a day as well. drives me potty. oh and she wear inapproprite clothing eg summer dress in winter and there is NOTHING i can do to stop her bar chucking out/hiding all her unsuitable clothes

I can see why you worrying ((hugs)).

The thing is from what you have writen above, some of what you have said sounds exactley like my DD1, however alot of it also sounds like my DD2 (whom i believe is NT ).

I think if i was you, i would start taking notes over they next couple of months and take it from there. If she does have AS, but is coping OK at the moment, then i would hang fire for the moment.

Some of these things my DD (not autistic) also did when she was 3 - eg going through a phase of only wearing trousers not skirts, and also wanting to take socks or tights off when in car! Others do sound a little on the spectrum, but on the other hand you say "she is good socially with other girls " which is very definitely not sounding autistic. Does she point something out to share attention with you, and then make eye contact with you to check if you've seen it? I'm pretty convinced ASD is genetic, as my DH has had two autistic kids by two different wives. My theory is also that where autism runs in a family, some people can be unaffected pretty much but still have some autistic behaviours (eg my DH is manic about putting the remote controls in a neat line every night, and his mum has the most amazingly neat kitchen cupboards, with every item LABELLED!).The copying thing is vital too - I had a pal whose second DS was showing signs of autism, and they had even enrolled him in an autistic school, but it turns out he was just imitating his autistic big bruv, and he's now totally coping in mainstream. I know how worrying it is, but the other thing I'd say is that if you use something like ABA you can sort out a lot of these behaviours before they get too entrenched. Good luck!

I can't help - she sounds very similar to my DD (although she just sits in stunned silence - very unDD-like - at pantos!)

I can't help because it is all those little things that have made me psuh for her to be looked at by a paed

All I will say is - blaming yourself can only lead to madness It happens. That's all.

Your bit about school/playshool etc not noticing the others gave me hope though - I have heard about AS being "normal" at school, it makes me feel better to hear about them firsthand.

thanks

she DOES play socially, but follows orders so will do what the other girls tell her too and she will play along. socially she is quite able. BUT so is DS2 who has dx of HFA- always has been able to mix but we have found he plays alongside rather than with them. ds1 otoh has NEVER been any good at socialising with his peers (though is v able to do so with adults) and though he is better now (we have moved him to a small private school) he has never had a friend (and he is 9)

I think three year olds are difficult FULL STOP.

My NT DS2 definitely lived in the bubble of his AS big brother for a while.
But, now he is at school (4) he has definitely calmed down and his development is consistent, he learns both acadmecially and socially in way that DS1 (6) never did.

Being scared of noises, making lines of books, being shy with adults, huge temper tantrums sound just like my NT DS2.

To be honest, all of your daughter's behaviour sounds as though it could be completely normal - I've known plenty of 3 year olds who've displayed all of that behaviour between them, although all of it in one child might be worth keeping an eye on, given your family history. Without knowing about your 2 sons, though, I wouldn't have immediately thought your daughter was really behaving in any way that unusual for a 3 year old girl.

If you are concerned geta referral, there's no reaosn not to and it might just put your mind at rest.

It might be nothing though- my youngest and eldest are both dx's asd and everyt ime ds2 does or says something vaguely asd (eg tgets a mild obsession) I panic, although I categorically KNOW he isn't asd (far too social).