Asd dd regressed. She’s 20

[blackheartsgirl]

Firstly apologies for putting it on this board, I’ve tried on the sn teens and young adult board but there’s no traffic over there and therefore no replies.

dd had a late diagnoses at at 16, she struggled all her life, in the past year we’ve had bereavement (her beloved stepdad died), she’s had a relationship break up and she’s now taken a year out of uni where she was doing quite well both socially and course work wise.She had plans of learning to drive, getting a job and seemed happy about being home again.

however The last month she’s refused to do anything unless she wants to. She’s stopped her driving lessons, has refused to look for a job saying she can’t because it’s too much out of her comfort zone. She’s ill, she has a he ache that day, she’s tired etc. she won’t leave the house unless she comes in the car with me (although she did go down to South Wales over the weekend to see a friend, she was fine with that)she just plays in her computer all day and gets arsy when I ask her for help round the house, I work full bloody time!


she won’t apply for universal credit saying she can’t be bothered, I’ve offered to help her but no she just screams at me to fuck off

.she is on antidepressants and also she’s gone very childlike, she gets obsessions with things, always has but now she is obsessed with a kids cartoon programme, has bought teddies and will take them wherever she goes in public, and strokes them and wants to dress like this particular character.

im at a loss tbh. I’m torn between being very worried about her and wanting to shake her, she’s bright and funny, articulate and we’ve had some brilliant conversations but the heck do I do?

[LightTripper]

It sounds like she might be suffering autistic burnout? She's been through a lot, and has been holding a lot together at Uni, and it may just have been too much. If it is, then she probably does just need a lot of downtime to regroup, and then in due course some support in starting to re-enter the world again and pick up where she left off her studies but maybe in a more sustainable way (depending on whether she thinks that was sustainable absent the other bad stuff that was going on with bereavement, or whether she thinks that what she took on at Uni was too much). Giving her more control/choices might be helpful. For example, it's reasonable to want her to help around the house, but maybe talk to her about it as a medium term aspiration, and ask her to think about what would be most manageable, and leave it up to her to test when she can start to help with it. But at the moment she may simply not have the capacity to do much and putting pressure on can be counter-productive.

The NAS website has some good resources and links to start you off:

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/topics/mental-health/autistic-fatigue/autistic-adults

www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-burnout

[Verbena17]

It does sound like she’s totally overwhelmed and burnt out by life - past and current.

Will the year out of uni be totally no uni work or do you mean coming home to live whilst still doing her course from home?

I think by her stopping some things like driving etc, that’s her trying to limit her overwhelm and anxiety being caused by them.

[openupmyeagereyes]

Yes, I agree it sounds like autistic burnout. Kristy Forbes talked about this on the Tilt Parenting podcast ep317. Probably mostly about teens but will be relevant to your situation with your dd too as she’s not much older.