Asking for help

[Mummy2kids2dogs]

I wonder if anyone could help me?
I feel like with covid and my inexperience of 7 year old children, I’m wondering if my child needs our help.
basically, in some ways I’m not concerned as he has a good friendship group and he’s excelling at school.
however, he struggles to show any empathy at all to our pets, for example, his idea of being kind is patting them hard on the head.
he is inquisitive, but almost on another level.
he notices everything, any changes to a room are spotted straight away.
somehow, he has picked up a posh way of speech, which is fairly comical as we live in the midlands and speak much more common.
he develops obsessions which take over a little too much, hoovers, hose pipes etc.
only needs about 9 hours of sleep a night, but sleeps fine for those 9 hours.
if he hurts himself- which is rare, he’s pretty indestructible, no one is allowed to look at the cut, no plasters or cream are allowed at all.
he’s not a fan of loud noises he doesn’t know. Took years to get used to hand dryers. Also echoing rooms he doesn’t know are a no no.
he can be very matter of fact with his questioning, questions over death etc have limited emotions from him but he can and does frequently show humour and sympathy.
I’ve read through symptoms for autism, Asperger’s etc and I don’t think this is it. He can be a loving, kind boy, has infrequent tantrums, which admittedly can occasionally be next level horrific, but very rarely, and school have never picked up on any behavioural problems at all other than a tendency to not always pay attention- which is surely normal for a 7 year old boy?
However, I can’t shake the feeling that a lot of this behaviour isn’t the norm, my limited experience of 7 year old boys tells me this isn’t normal, but my fella disagrees and almost views my questioning as bullying our son. Do I need to pursue this, or agree with my husband?

thank you for reading

I would ask for an appointment with the SENCO, and go along with your list of bullet points, to ask if they have observed any of this.

the unusual voice tone in particular raises enough of a concern that I too would want to investigate further.

I think some of it sounds like it could be ASD. I’m certainly not an expert!

With ASD, you always get some people who are ‘almost diagnosed’ with ASD but don’t quite meet all the criteria. It’s just all part of the mix in the human race.

Perhaps consider why you want to know. Is your boy happy and thriving without it? Are you concerned for the future? This might help you decide whether to pursue it.

Thank you, I think my husband worries labelling him will do more harm than good as he’s coping quite well generally.
the two things that really concern me are his obsessions, which have taken over a bit at the moment- harmless while they are obsessions over innate objects, but what if this changes?
and his inability to show any empathy towards our pets.
I feel that maybe a diagnosis could lead to some help? What sort of help is available?

Is it his language towards the pets that bother you or what you can see? Is he not bothered about the welfare or is it just that he’s a bit clumsy with them? It might be happening under the surface.

I would start with the school SENDCO and your GP. The SENDCO can start SEND procedures as it might be that his obsessions make learning harder as he gets older. He doesn’t need a diagnosis to do this, but they would definitely be involved in supplying information to the team who can do a diagnosis.

As far as labels go - he isn’t obliged to share it with anyone you don’t want to! Even if school are aware (if they are any good they will ‘know’ anyway, before diagnosis) you can make it part of the ILP to never discuss it with him in class.

It’s his behaviour towards the pets, his stroking isn’t gentle, if given the opportunity, he drags them around, pats them quite hard. Doesn’t respond to growls, grumbles etc.
I know some behaviour is normal for youngsters -we keep them apart as much as possible, but I was hoping to see changes by 7 years old and there has been nothing, no development understanding of how to treat them. He was born into a house with these pets in, so it’s not a new thing for him, and as he is such a bright boy in other areas it’s really frustrating that he doesn’t get it.
I do find it odd that this doesn’t happen at all with people though, we have never had an instance of him hitting, biting another child or adult.

We don’t have any pets so I don’t have any experience. My boy isn’t animal friendly but he doesn’t have any real experience with them.

I guess you’ll just have to talk it through with him??

Discussing with your GP and SENCO sounds like good advice. I found it really hard to think about the diagnostic criteria in respect of my own child and was quite surprised by the assessment (although it then all started to make sense).

Issues may become more clear cut as DS gets older? Weighed against that is the lengthy lead times for assessments.

Some of these traits could indicate ASD, or might be something else, or nothing, but as I'm sure you know only a paediatrician can really tell you. But I wouldn't worry too much about labelling - if he does have ASD, or anything else, he's obviously doing very well and any diagnosis would just arm you with more useful information for the future - especially as he hits his teenage years. I know a few adults who have had an ASD diagnosis in adulthood (who have been successful in many areas of life) who wish they'd had it earlier to simply explain why they experienced/perceived things the way they did so they'd know not to be so hard on themselves.

If you can get seen by a paed at all (and that in itself is a challenge!) maybe look at it in terms of his own self-knowledge, rather than labelling and disabling? Either way, it sounds like your DS is a lovely, intelligent boy and any "label" won't change that.

I think there's enough here to warrant further investigation, OP.

In terms of labelling your kid. Having a diagnosis will not change who your child is. With or without a label, he will still have obsessions, unusual speech patterns etc. However, if he was to need any further support - particularly at secondary, a diagnosis is useful. It's very hard to access support without one as resources are scarce. Plus, a diagnosis helps your child understand who they are - which I think is important.