Starting nursery in 3 weeks and I’m so anxious for him..

[L0ts]

So my son is 3 years and 4 months old and is very much on his way to an autism diagnosis. I’m okay with it, I’ve known for a while that he’s a different little boy and I’m now just happy to be finally being listened to and taken seriously. I personally don’t believe he has the worst case of autism in the world, but he certainly will be on the spectrum.

Anyway, he starts nursery next month and I can’t even explain how anxious, worried and nervous I am for him. They are very aware of our concerns and that we have spent the last few months seeing all the relevant people (speech therapist, community paediatrician) but I can’t help but think my son, and to some extent me, will be judged.

He is very much non-communicative, he talks and says lots of words, but it’s mostly to himself when playing, he’s very stereotypically ‘in his own world’ most of the time. He also doesn’t respond to his name often and his eye contact is 50/50. They have always been my main concerns with him.

Has anybody got any positive stories from when their autistic child started nursery to put my mind at ease?

If you feel judged then it is not the right nursery for your son. That would be so unprofessional of them.

The nursery should have a SENCO, ask to have an appointment with them before he starts. You can always look on their OFSTED report for comments on how they handle SENS issues.

Also, unless it’s a brand new nursery, they will have had SEND kids before. Ask for his key worker to be someone experienced with SEND. Be really on the front foot and share all your paperwork with them. He doesn’t need any diagnosis for them to set targets and give him SEND processes.

My boy’s nursery were brilliant with him, I couldn’t have been happier. I hope this is what you find too.

Oh the whole I am really pleased that my dd is in nursery. She’s 3 years old now and loves it there. All the staff have actually been very welcoming and most of the practitioners in DD’s room absolutely adore her and always want to do more for her. They’ve learned from her speech therapist and are really interested in the techniques used.
Unfortunately the nursery manager is not very proactive and hasn’t pushed the senco to get things done and that’s where we have struggled. I have had to be on and on at them to get things done and it’s been quite tough.
However, day to day dd has a great time and is extremely happy there.
None of the parents want to know me because dd doesn’t play with their children but I’m sure it’s not like that for everyone and I’ve got used to it, as long as dd is happy then that’s the main thing.

In my own experience, everything has hinged on the relationship with my DS's key worker. When he has a good one, who's willing to chat with me about DS's particular needs and capabilities and take the extra time to get him engaged (and I know nursery staff are stretched!), he loves nursery and learns lots. I think you just have to become "that parent" and not worry what people think of you and keep pushing for more and better wherever you can find it, whatever form that may take.

My DS is the same age and sounds similar - can talk but primarily about his own interests, and when left to his own devices is often in his own world with his own preferred activities rather than playing in a group. But with a good key worker he takes part in group activities, can follow the nursery routine, and even plays (sort of) with other kids (he seems to prefer the older, noiser ones)! He just needs that extra nudge and extra support to help him see the fun in getting involved. He's been attending nursery for awhile and has picked up new vocabulary, learned songs, learned to count and even has a little friend there who he plays with most. Nursery could be a great next stage for your DS if he's got an ally there in the form of a good key worker to help him branch out and make the most of it :)