How would you have handled this? Grateful for your views.

[merlot]

Just been helping prepare for my ds1's xmas fair. Had to take ds2 with me. There were 3 other class mums plus ds1's lovely teacher and classroom assistant present. Ds2 started making his `growling' noises because he wanted to get out of the buggy. Ds1's teacher started growling back and everyone was laughing at him ( it was fairly funny), but inside I wanted to curl up and die (ds1's teacher knows nothing about our concerns for ds2)

Anyhow it really just went from bad to worse and the teacher said `oh you're just crazy are you?' She touched a raw nerve and I suddenly felt v.protective. I know I was being oversensitive (surely other 14 months must make odd noises now and then), but I didn't know what to do and felt like running out of the classroom. I took ds2 out of his buggy and he played quietly on the floor and nothing more was said.

The whole incident has left me feeling really and bruised and I am left wondering whether I should write her a note telling her our concerns about ds2, just in case ds1 comes out with anything in the class (he's in year 3). As we have no dx yet, we have not told ds1 anything other than ds2 is a slow learner and needs help physio' and speech therapy'.

What do you think? Sorry this is a bit longwinded.

Poor you, you cant help being sensitive about your children, especially if they have special needs. If the teacher is as nice as you say she will probably be mortified that she has upset you (however inadvertantly) I would ask her if you can have a chat and explain to her your concerns, maybe even ask her advice. That way she could be more sensitive to your needs and feelings in the future and will be prepared for anything ds1 says in class.

god no don't approach the teacher

putting it in the context of not knowing you have concerns she didn't do anything wrong .. babies that young do growl and the 'you'r just crazy aren't you' sounds like a lovely warm caring comment

I think you are super-sensitised because of your worries .. I am not surprised at that, but it would be unfair to make someone else feel bad about that kind of behaviour

Maybe when it is not so close to that incident you could have a nonchalant chat with her / people like her and let them know that you have concerns over DS2 ... when she won't feel mortified and embarrassed and want to run and hide every time she sees you in future

Yeah, actually Twiglett's probably right. It wouldnt be fair to the teacher when she had no idea of your concerns - best to talk to her later.

i would have probabl;y said the same as the teacher. she probably didnt mean it in the way you took it. i know you have concerns about your ds2, i have concerns about my dd2, and altho she is pseaking spends most of the day growling like a lion or making odd noises. she is 25months. most people call her crazy but she is, in a good way. she can make anyone laugh.

your ds sounds like a sweetie.

Merlot, I would probably say something but then that's me (feet in first). It sounds as if the teacher thinks your DS is a sweetie, don't think she meant any harm by it. She would probably be upset that you're upset, though, and that's why I would say something, but in a really, really nice way. Make sense?!

I understand completely how you feel Merlot, as we've been in this situation quite a few times. I think that you do need to somehow let the teacher know about ds2, but perhaps don't connect it with this incident. It's tricky, because it's so difficult to just work it into an everyday conversation. But I think she does need to know, if only in case of any comments or reactions from ds1 (my dd1 often talks about dd2 at school apparently, which surprised me).

I think you need to think of yourself and ds1, rather than worry about embarrassing the teacher for a short time. I'm sure she would get over it quickly compared to the amount of worry you are going through.

In another way you could just be glad that she treated him as she would any other 14 month old. I mean, if she knew your worries then what would she have done differently? Ignored him as he was exhibiting strange behaviour? (See i think to any stranger ,(including me), a 14 month old growling is par for the course).Obvously we wouldn't know your own worries.
Not knowing your concerns for your son, she just responded to a little play.
I am honestly not in a position to advise on special needs but i 'think' if i were in your shoes i'd leave it for a while and then bring it up at a later date, (your concerns).
Sorry you were upset ++++++++++++++++++

... complete aside

I read threads back to front, ie I don't flip them .. so I scroll upwards .. and I knew that was you Angeliz just from your sign-off

..

Do i kiss alot then?

Thanks everyone for your thoughts - much appreciated .

Know exactly where your coming from Twiglett and the teacher is absolutely lovely and I certainly wouldn't want to make her feel awkward - as you say I think she'd be mortified if she knew that there were genuine concerns about ds2.

On balance though, I know that I am going to talk to her at some stage about our worries because she is a lovely and I'm sure she'll be very supportive.

Have spoken to my mum to get her pov as a teacher. She said that its doubtful that the teacher would think twice about todays incident even if you do tell her your concerns. She was just being friendly and playful with your ds2 and saying what lots of others might say to a playful toddler who was growling. She reckons you should wait a bit until you are feeling a bit more together about it and then chat to her about your concerns and ask her advice. If shes as good as you say shell be able to offer you all support. Good luck.

ammiynix - good advice . A really want to speak to her, but dont want to end up a blubbering wreck - so will need to chose my moment carefully.

Our situation is different different to yours as the children are a lot older and the child with SN is the eldest.

But I always mention at some point to my NT child's teacher (at parents evenings etc.) about his sister's SN. They don't always know and I think they're grateful because it helps just in case ds is feeling down or comments are being made. Luckily, ds has a good set of friends who come to the house and accept dd so we've not had any bullying but it's handy for the teacher to have an idea in case words are said. I got the feeling that ds's teacher was pleased I'd mentioned our family background as she didn't know about dd and ds is in Y6 and doing his SATS next year.

I realise Merlot we are a lot further down the line than you but I personally would mention your concerns about ds2 without referring to the incident. I'm sure she'd welcome guidance and will keep an eye on ds1.

Sorry to preach - hope you feel better now.

Cheers Dottee - Will definitely speak to ds1's teacher. Thanks for your advice