Autism red flags? Help please

[Riddlemethisplz]

DD is nearly 3, very social, attends nursery 3 days a week and they’ve not raised any concerns even when directly asked. HV don’t get involved in our area as she is passed 1 can’t get a GP appointment so posting here to see if anyone thinks these are red flag for autism and if I should push harder or if this is neurotypical toddler behaviour.

so as I was saying nearly 3, no concerns from nursery, good talker average/ slightly advanced in her talking, does imaginative play, responds to name and maintains eye contact, will smile if smiled at and in general is very social.

but she does a few things that I’m not sure if they are ‘normal’

still puts a lot of things in her mouth.
likes food plain
flaps her hands occasionally (but does no other stimming behaviour)
can hold her wee In for hours
reluctant in terms of potty training
she’ll be ok getting messy but then sometimes gets quite upset her hands or clothes are messy
shes really particular about her clothes and refuses to wear certain things
she sometimes has to be reminded to drink or eat, it’s like she forgets

tbh it’s the mouthing things that I’m wondering about, although it’s worth noting when she was 2 I had another baby and she totally regressed them, ie wanting to be more of a baby. Things never really went in her mouth before then, she never had a dummy and then we’d find her taking the baby’s dummy’s and begging to drink out of a baby bottle. Seems she’s not 100% got over it.

are any of the above red flags that I should look into more. She doesn’t really fit too much of the nhs website definition but I know boys and girls present differently and girls can be harder to diagnose

I’m not sure I see lots of red flags. DS5 is on the path to ASD diagnosis and DD2.5 seems neurotypical but May do some of the things on your list less the flapping. She’s extremely reluctant to potty train and can hold it in for hours, we say she’s nappy trained. Stuff goes in her mouth but sometimes it’s DS starting it and her accepting it. She’s very picky with clothes and selects what she wants to wear. She’s also very verbal and makes friends.

DS was completely different and we can see this now. Each child is different. Try the ASQ milestone checks and MChat tests.

Looking for advice,
Does my 2 year old son have autism?
Doesn't talk but used to, has melt downs, flaps , spins ect
But on a positive eats well and is very affectionate
My struggle at moment is hes hard to comfort and takes ages to go to sleep
Hes perfect to us just none of the other kids have been this way just want to help him as much as possible

Riddlemethisplz it’s possible that she has some sensory processing differences so I think that’s a good place to start looking into to help her with the specific things you are noticing.

Jmp1990 any loss of skills should be investigated. Have you spoken to your health visitor or GP about it?

Thanks @openupmyeagereyes I have no idea what that means though? Is that neurotypical or ND? I’m a bit out of my depth with this

It’s a type of neurodiversity because the child processes sensory information differently.

It's sensory seeking behaviour to put things in her mouth, it's the sort of thing typical with having ASD, only liking certain clothes and only liking plain food too - but she wouldn't get a diagnosis on that basis alone. I would write down all the differences you have noticed and keep it somewhere and keep adding to it as time goes by. It can be very hard to tell at this age if they have ASD if they are high functioning, but by the time she leaves primary school it is likely to much more obvious (mine was diagnosed just before secondary school, I would never have guessed at 3 and nursery had no concerns).

For now I would try not to worry about it and just have fun. Getting a diagnosis at this age won't make much difference to her if she high functioning and she may well do really well at school (mine has). But the social issues may become more obvious as she gets older and if you have noted all the differences from an early age you will have lots of evidence and it will be really helpful if she does get assessed. She sounds a lot like mine and it wouldn't surprise me if she did get diagnosed eventually but she's still young so who knows.

Social wise ive got no concerns, she’s very social yet wary of strangers. Intellect wise I don’t have any concerns either, she seems to do quite well school wise (as much as you can in an early years setting, can count, trace letters, very basic maths, knows lots of words, different species of dinosaur etc

plain food wise, it’s more that she likes simple food, she’d prefer fish and chips without the batter for instance or gravy on the side of a roast dinner so she can add it herself. Not a fan of pasta sauce, just prefers that plain unless it’s a pasta bake.

its the potty training and mouthing things I worry about and how stubborn she is esp with clothes.

Have you tried the M Chat ? Can find online and gives a good sense of whether she ticks enough boxes to raise a concern

Had never even heard of it! Thank you will look into it now :)

I think it’s possible to have sensory processing differences without being autistic. They often do co-occur but they don’t have to.

My ds scored low risk on the m-chat but was diagnosed as autistic just before he turned four. In our experience it became much more obvious from 3 onwards and traits were clearer with hindsight.

I’ve just looked on mchat and she scored 0 but it’s for children up to 30 months and she’s 3 next month so probably not the most accurate

Riddlemethisplz the book the out of sync child is a good read on sensory processing. Falkirk council also has a good guide online which you can Google.

Great thank you! She’s had a hard life so far, pregnancy complications, tongue tie and feeding problems. If she needs help just want to make sure she’s getting it

I’ve had a look on the Falkirk council thing and the only thing she does is put things in her mouth

Hi, from reading your description of your daughter it doesn't initially shout out autism to me but as others have said possibly some sensory issues which can exist independently and might well be outgrown. Just wondered does she demonstrate shared attention ie. looking and pointing at something of interest then looking back at you to see your reaction? Potty training age can vary massively with children. My 4yr old (non autistic) still refuses to sit on the loo for her number 2s!

It's not about diagnosing her with anything, necessarily, but about supporting her around some of the issues that you flagged, if you want to. For instance, toileting issues and not knowing when you are hungry or thirsty are to do with interoception which is one of the lesser known senses and there are ways that you can work to support that.

There are some good occupational therapists online that you can follow for advice. The OT Butterfly on Instagram has a daughter with sensory processing difficulties and she posts a lot about helping children with sensory sensitivities with clothing for example. It's something that you don't tend to know about unless you have a child that struggles and you start to read up on it.

Yeah she will, she’ll say what’s that over there and point and look at me or look mummy a baby duck for instance

Makes sense! I’ll give that page a follow, no thank you! It varies so much, today she’s been brill with her water others not so much, she’s my first as you can probably tell and I don’t have my village lol

Keep an eye out but nothing is standing out as massively unusual for her age. Lots of 3yr olds are fussy about foods, many don’t like getting messy and many are fussy about clothes. Holding wee isn’t unusual either at that age, some don’t want to stop playing or dislike using other toilets. It isn’t so common to still be mouthing toys but it isn’t unusual either, some children are naturally more sensory but doesn’t mean they fall into a SEN bracket.

In a nursery environment I’d be noticing things like repetitive play - same toys or repeat play, lining up, tipping out and not using toys or resources appropriately (unaware of how to). Delayed speech or speech too advanced or echolia. Unable to sit for age appropriate reasons - meal times,
group times (more than just fidgetting). Not taking part in imaginative social play . Unable to manage changes in routine or transitions in the day without getting upset. Nursery staff can’t diagnose but will have a good idea if a child is currently within normal development for their age.