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Please help me

2 replies

Onethirtytwo · 03/08/2022 11:47

Trying to give myself some perspective that my child will not grow up to be some kind of mass murderer.

Or if you have kids who have turned out to be decent people, what’s the worst thing they did as kids?
Is there hope for mine?
I have a 9yo autistic child who assaulted someone at brownies a few weeks ago, apparently kicking them when they were on the floor, game gone wrong.
She has today had another girl in a chokehold at a different club.
This has been reported to the police and I’m naturally worried as to where this has come from and if it will escalate, and how to stop that.
She watches no violent TV, she doesn’t play violent games, we don’t have electronics upstairs so we’ll monitored, but I’m so worried about this escalating and very much want to put a stop to it now.
She is kind natured generally and is not violent at home. Although she can be difficult verbally and petty with her siblings, and I’m just so worried.
Any advice?

OP posts:
Sprogonthetyne · 03/08/2022 14:29

My kids are younger, so no insights of what the future may bring, but didn't want your post to go unanswered. To me it sounds like a child who isn't coping. It doesn't make them a bad person, just means they're going through a bad time.

The only time my (autistic) DC has become violent is when they have been overwhelmed, not nessercerily at the time of the incident, but by life in general, if theres cumulative effect of different stresses, then something little will be the straw that broke the camel's back.

At 9 they may be knocking on the door of puberty, which is an emotional time for everyone, so maybe for the time being they don't have the capacity to deal with as many demands as they previously could. Can you maybe cut down on clubs and give them more down time? Or encourage them to emerse themselves in a more solo hobby like arts or non team sports, if the pressure (even unintentional / subconscious) to mask and conform in social settings is to much for them right now.

Also check how things ate going at school, it could be they're struggling there and then bring that stress home (coke bottle effect)

ADarknessOfDragons · 05/08/2022 23:55

I agree. My autistic DD is the opposite. Only resorts to punching/hitting/nipping at home. BUT when she isn't coping/is overwhelmed/anxious.

I'd also bet that warning signs you'd have picked up on weren't noticed at the club and Brownies.

I still remember my DD walking up and pushing a younger child over on the way out of preschool. Other child's grandma was horrified at this unprovoked "nastiness" from my bigger DD. But I'd seen that before pick up they'd been outside. My DTs were asleep in the car so I went early and saw she'd been sat, presumably for some time out, for about 15 minutes!!! At age 4! Or 3 and 3/4. Far too long. So actually there had been a build up of emotions she couldn't cope with, but just not then. To add- she wasn't diagnosed then. That was only when she was 10. And I worried about what it meant... but she didn't carry on to be violent to other dc (and we do have huge issues).

I think a discussion with your DD to see if she knows if anything is tricky at the club or Brownies, and maybe the leaders too . My other issue is my DD is a champion masker. They'll tell me she was fine when she was coming home pretty stressed and then stopped going. So, I can't believe "she's fine" any more. I'd be as curious as you can as to why she gets dysregulated.

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