I'm sure if I said this in RL i'd get slated BUT

[mymatemax]

Do other sn mums sometimes really pi** you off. I'm sure if I said this in rl i'd get accused of being harsh.

Anyway I sometimes babysit for a little boy with sn , I know him through ds2's pre school sn group & have known him & his mum for a few years now. He is a beautiful little boy with a host of medical & developmental problems.
So today she came to pick him up, & she said oh we've finally had a dx for J, so I should get more DLA, I've spoken to the sw & it may help push me up the housing list for a bigger place. I might get extra money for clothes & there might be other stuff I can get.
Oh I said, its good that you finally have some answers, what did they say about long term? what about any extra or specific therapies & school.

Oh I didn't ask, was her reply.

Her only concern honestly was financial, while I know what a PITA the DLA is how much difference the right level of financial support can be, BUT on the day after dx she had not found out anything about her sons condition but had found out everything she is entitled to.

I can understand the excitement about the extra money is she is in a tight spot financially, but I agree she appears to have missed the point somewhat. Not knowing the person I would want to hope she takes the reality of the situation with her child a bit more seriously once the news beds in.

Sometimes I think the 'professionals' say "I'm sorry, your DC has XYZ, but, you can get the higher rate DLA and this and that etc etc" just to diffuse the situation and to avoid any awkward questions.

Maybe she has resigned herself to her DC's needs and was just saying the things that were new and had changed.

Maybe she's in denial/shock.

I know where your comming from. but these are things she understands.. normal non threatning stuff like money and house.
coping with the big picture is so much harder that maybe she is just looking for positives.(hope that makes sense)

She had spent the day on the phone finding out what additional entitlements there are, so it didn't come form the paed.
He has the same paed as my ds2 so I know how straight talking she is & certainly is never afraid of an awkward question.

I suppose it's over the years I've witnessed her not acting on professionals advice etc, not taking up the offer of free training etc.
I have always been generous & thought perhaps she is in denial, but I honestly believe that her first thought is not to help her son but to gain herself.

I feel sad for him because I believe he has so much potential.

Agree with ManxMum, it's probable that she's reached a level of acceptance of her ds's disability, and therefore is able to view any diagnosis transactionally rather than emotionally.

My dd doesn't have a dx (she's nearly 4) - I've done all of the grieving about her disability, and a label for it now really wouldn't be important to me (except for recurrence risk for more children). However, if it meant that I was able to hook into more services for her then I'd be pleased. Hope that makes sense.

Try not to be too hard on her

Yes 2 shoes maybe I am being hard & maybe she is struggling, I know it is hard but it is heartbreaking when he is struggling to communicate with the few signs he's picked up at pre-school & a limited few words & she didn't bother to go on the Makaton course.
But the thought of a few more quid gets her grinning.
Maybe she is finding it difficult I guess you can never tell what someones thinking.

sadly we all know someone like that.

Chonky
I couldn't agree more, I'll be the first to rant if ds2's DLA isn't renewed (i've been stalking the postman for the last week waiting) & the only reason we requested an ASD assessment & wanted the correct dx (he already had dx of CP&GDD)was to ensure he was able to access the right support & therapy.

I'm just doubtful of her motives i guess, but maybe I am being unfair.

I was thinking earlier this week that having a child with SN makes me get to know parents who aren't members of social groups I would usually hang out with.

I was chatting with another mum who I get on Ok with at the SN playgroup and we were talking about not getting on with our HVs. She was complaining about how hers tries to tell her what to do and I was moaning about similar things. Then she gave an example; she had decided that her DD didn't need formula, so gave cows' milk from birth and decided to put her DD on solids at 6 weeks and how unreasonable it was of her HV to disagree with her. I managed to say something non-committal and just thought that I'd never have had any reason to get to know this woman at all if our DCs didn't have a similar SN. There really are some pretty crap parents out there.

Yes, there are some parents who drive me mad.

This is why I work in Asia, not in the UK.

DLA doesn't exist here. Help in general, doesn't exist here. You never see these parents complaining.

not tue Sabaidii. There was a poster from your area complaining lots a few months back. And didn't you want to move to the UK with your 9 sn children?
The reason people in the UK get DLA is because we are taxed to pay for it so that disabled people are supported by society. Its not free money.

Hi MMM if its the same paed as my ds has then i feel he would have explained everything,as he is good like that, as i think you know! He has his old secretary back now which is nice as i get on really well with her(It helps to have his direct secretary number)

I guess only you know how it was said MMM - it is sad if that genuinely is the first thing she was thinking of. Possible too that it's her defence mechanism i.e. she's taking a pragmatic view initially to protect her from having to think about the reality of what the dx actually means.