How do explain my DDs ASD assessment to her?

[theweekendisonderful]

I would really welcome some advice on this. DD is nearly 11 and due to be assessed for ASD in early September. She has significant anxiety issues (being treated for this by CAMHs).

I haven't talked to her about the assessment at all yet as all the CAMHs stuff has been very stressful for us to deal with currently. Also while I am pretty sure she has ASD, I''m not sure we will get a diagnosis. I'm worried that if I try to explain the ASD assessment properly she will totally panic about it due to her anxiety and think I am criticising her and her social skills etc. I was planning on just fudging it and saying it is a chat with people to see what she finds easy/difficult to help her. But now I'm worried that that is pretty disingenuous as she will be very upset if at he end of it she thinks it is like a test.

I would really appreciate your help on this and to know how you managed this with your chid/children.

I was really worried to tell mine too, but she handily complained one evening that she thinks differently to her friends, so I suggested we could see someone who might be able to suggest things to help make her 'difficult things' easier.

I didnt tell her when the apt was until a couple of days before & I basically went with the same sort of thing you've suggested. I did also say that some of the chat & activities might be to see how her brain reacts to/interprets various things as all our brains work differently & the people we were seeing want to understand her so they can suggest things that she might find helpful. I was very clear there were definitely no right or wrong answers & she should totally just be herself.

Mine was nervous beforehand but actually quite enjoyed it, she was able to identify one activity that was 'disguised' as something else but definitely didnt feel like she'd sat an exam type test. I hope yours finds it positive too.

I should add that I never told her it was specifically an ASD assessment.

Thanks @Blympette that's really useful to know. I'm pleased that approach worked for you. I think if I say it's some kind of assessment she will definitely see it as a test.

My daughter was younger so we didn't have quite the same issue, but we found that what has contributed best to her understanding of herself is some really good positive books by young autistic women authors. DD is 8 now and very positive about her autism, and has a good understanding of how it affects her and what it means for her (not perfect, but that is a lifelong work in progress for all of us I think!)

Some recommendations:

• Abigail Balfe: A Different Kind of Normal (my personal favourite - illustrated and quite fun and high level - not too heavy).


• Siena Castellon: The Spectrum Girl's Survival Guide


• Camilla Pang: Perfectly Weird, Perfectly You

None of these books will suggest there is anything "wrong" with her social skills, but they will explain the differences between autistic and allistic ways of socialising and interacting with sensory inputs, and different modes of focus.

Whether she gets a Dx or not, understanding her traits better and that there are other girls out there with similar traits may still help her. Further down the road she may enjoy some great new fiction coming out from autistic authors for young people - e.g. anything by Elle McNicoll, The Geek Girl Series by Holly Smale (the books don't mention autism but the author was recently Dx'd and has said that Harriet is based on her younger self so is also autistic), and The State of Grace by Rachel Lucas.

@LightTripper thanks so much for your post and the book suggestions. They sound really good.