Think DS (3.10) may be becoming phobic of public toilets. Hmmm.

[TotalChaos]

DS is mostly but not fully toilet trained - fine at home and his old nursery, not 100% when out and about. He seems to have recently started to become very funny about using public toilets - try to hold on for several hours, and then today he told me he needed a wee, wouldn't use the library toilet (which OK was a bit smelly), wouldn't use the Asda toilet and asked for a nappy. As I didn't have one, I said no , and just asked him again if needed the toilet. Then naturally ten minutes later, he peed himself.

Should I start taking a potty around for when we are out to avoid him going back into nappies when out, or should I just try and ride the phase out? Any advice gratefully received, and apologies if you all think it is a normal young child thing and so inappropriately posted here.

I don't blame him for hating public loos, but I would push him to use them when he's desperate as otherwise your life is going to be a misery, always running home and wondering if he's going to have an accident. Could you compromise and buy those plastic loo seat covers, and tell him that makes the loos just as nice as home? I just have this theory that I should always challenge my DS when I see him getting stuck in a particular pattern, as it will be harder to break when he's older. My current running battle is food: he would happily eat marmite toast and chocolate day and night, and I am desperately pushing different foods on him at every meal.

and now he's just peed himself at home. and told me "I don't like toilet". . he asked for a nappy again but I ignored him - got to break him out of this habit if I can.

Is he able to tell you why he doesn't like them? They might be too cold, too noisy, something like that?

It seems to now extend to our home toilet. bugger. He's quite happily had a proper wee in his potty. So it's not a physical problem. He could only indicate very basically if cold/noise were problems. (where I took him today were both very quiet, so wouldn't be a noise/crowd issue). It MIGHT be because of me having to force him to wash his hands after going to the loo, he doesn't like that atm.

with ds1 it was that there were hand dryer (strange unpredictable things in public loos - so we took an 'out of order' sign to put on them.
when it was the toilet in general we used chocolate as an incentive and took baby steps - eg using a nappy next to the loo is good as a first step.

that's an idea luckylady, if this doesn't settle, about giving him a nappy only when we are IN a toilet. I just hope that I can get this cracked by the 30th when he starts his new nursery....

DS2 is 5 & still won't use unfamiliar loos in fact he only started using our loo at home in the summer.
The only toilets I can (sometimes) get him to use when out are the disabled ones.
I do still put him in a nappy if we are going somewhere I know he isn't going to be happy with, just easier than wet trousers!

Have had this with DS. With the public loos, it was fear of the hand dryers. At home, it was fear that Megatron was hiding in the toilet. Both times what worked was to take it seriously - once I hung my coat over the hand dryer so it couldn't get him, other times we have made a game of sneaking quickly past the hand dryers while they have stopped. At home, we came to the loo with him to check for monsters and I promised him that if Megatron did come in the house I would tell him to go back to his own planet in the voice I use to tell our cats to get downstairs. (I know that doesn't sound like taking it seriously, but the idea was to show him that there was a plan for keeping Megatron out rather than telling him Megatron doesn't exist)

Hi, had some more thoughts -could you try that anti bac foam stuff or baby wipes for cleaning his hands ?- just to take the pressure off. ds1 only likes to dry hands with his thomas towel.
my nt 3yr old dd is against public loos because of the smell and would wet herself instead - so i take a little perfume spray in my bag - problem solved.

thanks for all the helpful tips. lgs - I can't really converse with S to any great extent because of the speech delay, so his ability to explain what is bugging him is limited.

Don;t know anything about your ds's special needs, chaos, but fear of public toilets is very common in young children. It is teh number one concern for children starting school - the toilets! And often you can't blame them because they can be smelly and easily made dirty etc. So might be best helping him avoid them until he gets older.

Thanks for the reply pointydog. I'm quite fussy myself, so usually would take DS to respectable ones anyway iyswim. His special need is severe speech delay and comprehension/ Not sure if ASD, still waiting for him to see a paed.

TC - I had to come right out and ask him "are you scared of the toilet" and he gasped out "Yes!" and then muttered something about Megatron. All the rest was informed conjecture on my part.

bribed DS to sit on our home toilet with pieces of chocolate which worked OK, he held on while we were out shopping for a few hours, so not sure where we stand with out of the house, but as long as he is making an effort at home and hopefully nursery I can live with that.

as soon as he relaxes again the need for chocolate will go - all of my 3 sn or nt toilet trained with choc buttons and none of them get them now!
pleased to hear your success