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SN children

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

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Original poster

A question....

19 replies

eidsvold · 24/11/2004 22:05

As you know no2 is here and I am finding it a little hard to feed her and keep an eye on no1... Dd2 can want to breastfeed for up to an hour at times which makes it difficult with dd1 as she then takes that opportunity to get into mischief. I can't then keep taking dd2 off the breast to then tend to dd1.

I am seriously considering going onto formula feeding - seems quicker and allows dd2 to settle more easily and I can then tend to dd1. Also means dh can help with night feeds and I can get some rest to be better equipped to deal with dd1.

I am just finding it all a little hard - am sure dd1 is just being a typical 2 yo but I am exhausted and then with no2 wanting to feed every couple of hours it is just a bit much...

Am I 'bad' ( use that term loosely ) for wanting to put dd2 onto formula???

OP posts:

mrsmiawallace · 24/11/2004 22:08

NO!
it's there to give you a choice.
i breastfed for short while and then put on formula as dd wasnt getting enough and i know we feel ' thats what we should do', but if youre unhappy and tired, your little ones will sense that.
you would be better of happy and refreshed, formula is there for a reason and although some may disagree with that, it sounds like the right choice for you.
hope you get sorted soon, i know what no sleep feels like

coppertop · 24/11/2004 22:15

Not 'bad' at all - just human! Ds1 was okay while I was bf'ing ds2 BUT if I had another baby now there is no way in this world that I would be able to bf him/her with ds2 on the loose. If there's trouble to be found then ds2 will find it!

Original poster

eidsvold · 24/11/2004 22:15

There is only so much tv that can occupy dd1 and I guess I just wanted to do all the things I couldn't do for dd1 this time for dd2....

OP posts:

moondog · 24/11/2004 22:30

Don't want to get into a big breast v bottle thing here, but I am breastfeeding a newbie while there is a rampaging dd on the loose. I would have thought it easier-you at least have one hand free to do stuff with-turn the pages of a book,get a drink, turn on the tv, hold the child back if necessary and so on.
I can type away quite happily with one hand while holding the baby as he feeds in the other.

You will just have to go with what is best for you.
Why not try expressing so dh can give a bottle a few times before you make up your mind? I do that quite a lot and it works really well, esp. if you have an electric or battery operated pump-you'll fill a bottle in no time!!

Socci · 24/11/2004 22:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Dingle · 24/11/2004 23:59

I agree with what has already been said, it's still early days for you all but any stress will be picked up by dd1 and bubs!
How about expressing for the odd feed, perhaps dd1 would like to help feed her baby sister.
Personally I'd try for a bit longer, but at the end of the day you are not a bad mum just because you don't/can't breastfeed.
I had problems with both ds and dd, but by expressing even for a short time I felt at least a had given it a go!
Hugs to you all.

Davros · 25/11/2004 08:51

One of the best things I did with DD is bottle feed her. Sorry folks, but with another child to look out for who has special needs it just made all the difference. It wasn't originally my decision as I was told not to bf due to medication but, had I thought it through and what it would mean to DS and my relationship with him, I would have chosen the bottle. I think it made a huge difference to how DS accepted DD and how he and I got back on track with our relationship very quickly.

chonky · 25/11/2004 09:00

I just have dd so far - however I found b/f her really hard work as she bark arched a lot which I found quite rejecting at first (since found out it wasn't me but reflux that was causing it).
Having moved from b/f to bottle I have found life loads easier, it's meant that others can help out & dd is more settled. Next time around I wouldn't persist for even a fraction of the time with b/f if it was difficult, for whatever reason - I'd have no guilt about using formula (after all, most of our generation were formula fed and we turned out OK ). Hope it gets easier for you soon.

jakbrown · 25/11/2004 09:17

Not 'bad' at all! Got to do whatever works for you. No point dd2 being breastfed but you and dd1 being totally stressed out, IMO. I only fed dd for two weeks as just couldn't make it work but with ds it was lots easier. But dd was lots easier to handle then. If I had a baby now I would HAVE to bottle feed!

coppertop · 25/11/2004 09:49

The usual distraction techniques would never work with ds2. The thought of trying to bf a baby while he was trying to open the window to get out, switching on the cooker rings, climbing up on to shelves and hurling furniture at the TV screen would be far more than my nerves could handle. He may have calmed down a bit by the time a 3rd baby arrived (if we decided to have more) but I wouldn't be able to risk it at this particular moment in time.

Ds1 was 2.5yrs old when ds2 was born and he was a little angel in comparison. I had no problems bf'ing ds2 while he was around. I guess it just depends on the personality/SN of the older child.

jakbrown · 25/11/2004 09:55

Absolutely agree CT. DD was totally 'in her own world' and very passive and placid when DS was born. No longer!

dottee · 25/11/2004 10:08

NO - you wouldn't be bad at all! Dd wasn't walking (at 2) when ds was born so I deliberately decided to b/f ds in hospital (as he was c-section and I had a few days to do it) and then went onto formula very soon after we got home.

It didn't do ds any harm at all. I'm a proud mum as he's doing so well at school.

Whatever you decide, look after yourself as well as the children.

Jimjams · 25/11/2004 12:23

How about mixed feeding? Worked well for me (I found bottles more of a pain than feeding as they took so bloody long to prepare etc). I do know what you mean about the length of time it takes to do a bfeed though. I often found myself walking round the house with ds2 feeding away whilst ds1 was up to whatever. I'm planning to mix feed ds3- but mainly breast (one bottle a day?)- and to drop bottles once milk intake is cut. That's the plan anyway. But to be honest I really do find bottle feeding a pain. if I found it easier I would dispense with the guilt and do it.

luckymum · 25/11/2004 12:29

Mixed feeding worked for me too with ds2 & dd. I breast fed fully til about 8 weeks and then just gave the breast last thing at night and first in the morning.

Don't feel guilty eidsvold, do what suits your routine best.

SantaFio2 · 25/11/2004 12:31

do what feels best for you eidsvold and dont feel guilty about it.

i do think you are very brave posting this question i bottle fed ds too and it was easier because dd was having so much therapy at home at the time (she was 22months) and with loads of appointments etc, i just found it easier to bottle feed and dh could help me too.

Thomcat · 25/11/2004 12:32

At the end of the day you should do whatever makes you feel happier and works best for YOu. If that means not breatfeeding then don't. Don't feel bad, bubs has started out being BF and has had a good start, if it's too tricky to not keep it up feel proud that you started off that way and move on to the bottle. Maybe try mixed feedign first, see how that goes but don't ever feel bad for not breastfeeding.

hope you're all well.

InternationalGirl · 25/11/2004 21:11

eidsvold: like all the mums have said here do what works best for you and your family.

Mixed feeding may be worth a try - you don't have to completely give up bf.

IME DD2 was starving at 4 days old because she couldn't get anything out of the breast - her lower jaw shape meant that she just couldn't latch on to get anything. By day 4 we decided that bottles were the way to go and it was just what was going to work for us. As you say it also meant hubby could help with the late night feeds and did it ever make a difference....

You do what works for you and don't ever feel 'bad' about what you decide

nailpolish · 25/11/2004 21:19

believe me when i say i had the exact same prob. i have a 5 week old and a 2 yr old and was finding it hard to bf. feeding every 2 hrs, as well as other stuff. (long story)

i changed to formula after a week and although i felt guilty (had a big guilt trip long thread, if you want to read it) but now i know i made the right decision. at the time someone told me that you have to make a decision for the whole family esp with no. 2 and its very true

good luck with whatever you decide. this time should be enjoyed, not be spent worrying!

Original poster

eidsvold · 02/12/2004 23:01

have persevered with the breastfeeding - dd2 has settled into a routine - early evening she snacks - 10 - 15 minutes every hour or so ( okay as dd is in bed by now) but she only wakes once in the night for a feed, feed her as I go to bed and feed her when dh gets up in the morning. Then I have a couple of hours between feeds which lets me have some dd1 time......and no longer feeds for an hour....

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