Just feeling sad

[ManonDe]

I know it is so horribly self indulgent, but just feeling a bit sad today.

DS12 has many diagnoses, including ASD, dyspraxia, tourettes, and 4 others as well. he also has chronic health issues that means we spend a bit of time in hospital.

Today we had sports day and he signed himself up for everything and was last, to the point he was lapped and they had to hold up the next race for him.

The whole school was cheering him hard as he went over the line and he was thrilled.

Last week he had exams and his highest mark was 16%.

He wants to fit in, and he is busting his little guts out.

The school has recently said they do not think mainsteam is right for him. I see it now, and so does DH who is more remote from the day to day stuff.

We are doing everything we can, and I never cry in front of him but right now I just feel an ache.

We are older parents with no support at all and I feel so lost and sad. And so worried about what happens when we are gone. Because i am scared for him.

sorry- like I said, self indulgent.

Well done for your DS putting himself forward to sign himself up for so much on sports day.
Also the school sounds amazing for cheering ds on in sports day.
A* for effort.
How much is ds in the classroom, or do they have a unit he can attend.??
Does the school have a special school nearby, that could come in and observe ds.??
Dd was in mainstream until secondary, then went to special school.
Now at special needs college.
Dd got entry level gcses, did bronze, silver and gold Duke of Edinburgh award.
Though sometimes I wonder what she would've achieved in mainstream education.
The school he's at now, would they be able to offer entry level gcses??
Has ds hot a good social group of friends, that he would miss if he changed school??

It's our worry about who would look after/guide her emotionally once we are gone, older parents here.
So your not alone there!!

Thanks so much for your reply and your understanding,

He has a nice group of friends who look out for him.

I am not sure about the school related questions like a unit etc- I've been a bit head in the sand. I will start looking into things.

We don't have much exposure to other kids as he is our only and all our friends have adult children or teens, so when we see him with his peers the differences seem suddenly stark.

DH and I decided to take a day off this week and we plan to sit down and really go through everything- all current and possibly future worries and work out what we need to know, strategise, find out and put in place.

to you and your DD.

Firstly your son sounds amazing! Honestly you should feel proud. But the 'fitting in' comment really upset me. As my DS is 8 and is desperate to fit in too, so much his masking is leaving him exhausted but explosive at home. His needs are becoming more obvious but they have been present from since he was a baby.

If he has an EHCP then please consider a SEN school/college. I work in one and the students thrive. In fact they do way more than my DS will ever do in mainstream. I recently experienced my first leavers and I felt immensely proud of every single one of them.

Good luck and it's normal to feel the way you do x