Selfish to have another child?

[maryanne22]

My son is 4 and autistic but high functioning but still needs lots of help adjusting to big changes snd with his speech too as delayed

Other child almost 2 doesn't appear to have autism very different to the older one

Is it selfish to have a 3rd child? Mt younger one would love another sibling but not sure is it fair on eldest all things considered

I'm 38 so time not on my side

?!

I constantly have this battle in my head, I’m 34 and have a 4 year old non verbal autistic daughter, I’d love a sibling for her as she loves being around other children, but then I feel all my attention should be with her to help her in her early years and get her the help which she needs. But there’s always that little thought at the back of my mind which longs for another child.
I don’t think it is selfish of you for wanting another, how did your little one adjust to having your younger child?

Not selfish but you do have to at least consider how your eldest would cope. And how your middle child would cope if they ended up with 2 autistic siblings. And likewise how you would cope if no. 3 is a) nt or b) nd.

I have 4 kids and my two youngest potentially have autism, my daughter 4 is awaiting her assessment and my youngest who’s nearly 2 is likely to be referred for assessment soon. I was pregnant with my 4th when my daughter displayed more and more signs of being autistic so was referred for her assessment. So it’s definitely something to consider that potentially your 3rd could be autistic too. My eldest who’s 17 isn’t autistic but much older than my younger 3. There’s 12 years between him and my second, he isn’t impacted so much with them possibly being autistic as he’s teenage out doing is own thing most day. I feel it more my second eldest who’s 5, he often says things like why won’t his sister talk to him or play games with him and I do feel sad for him at times as the interaction between them is very led by her and sometimes she will go over see what he’s doing but a lot of times she in her own little world. Your not being selfish at all, it’s a hard decision to make as many different things to consider.

@Ted0301 he wasn't interested at first but gradually started to show interest. Bit of sibling rivalry bull like pushing younger one over but that's pretty normal I think and they play together nicely at times too

Ahhh Maryanne it’s not selfish at all. I’m in a similar position, in that I am the same age as you, have kids about the same age too (4 and 2 in Sept/Oct), and eldest is autistic and youngest currently appears not to be. However I’m more concerned about how I could handle three if DC3 were also autistic, and where that would leave DD2. It’s a hard call.

I know you can’t overthink too much in life but I think we’ll make a call by next summer. By that stage we should be more sure that DD2 definitely isn’t and also my broodiness will either be more intense or the feeling of getting my life back from the baby years might take over!