Mothers of ADHD or any other neurodiverse condition

[Cocoaangel]

Hello all, I hope everyone is well. I have an 11 year old son diagnosed with ADHD, Tics and awaiting an ASD assessment. I have had to give up my job as his mainstream school excluded him, put him into a PRU which has been a disaster and he’s on a reduced timetable. I often feel very trapped and as if I’ve had to give up my whole life as I don’t have much support or people that can look after him in order for me to go out and have a proper break. I wondered if anyone else also felt trapped, overwhelmed, dysregulated and as if they have given up a lot and given up on their own goals and dreams due to their caring role and failure of schools/lack of support ? I just wondered what everyone’s experienced were? I’d love to be able to start something to help us mothers who often get forgotten about. TIA X

Might be better to get this moved to the SN children's board as we are primarily adults with ASD and ADHD. Some of us are parents, lots of us are not.

Thanks so much, I’m new here so trying to navigate my way round but I appreciate your help xx

Hi there, @Cocoaangel . Welcome to Mumsnet. We'll move your thread for you now.

Thank you! X

Does DS have an EHCP?

DS should not be on a long term reduced timetables. Part time timetables are only lawful when they are short term aimed at reintegration otherwise they amount to unlawful exclusions. So DS should either be in school full time or the LA a should be making alternative arrangements.

Have you had social care assessments? A carer’s assessment for you and an assessment via the disabled children’s team for DS.

We haven’t had any social care assessments, I didn’t know we were able to have these.

He has just been granted an EHCP but his mainstream school excluded him a couple of months ago after putting him in a pru for what they said would be 6 weeks to help him but it made him worse so then they prolonged his stay and eventually agreed to reintegrate back to mainstream and permanently excluded him after only 6 hours so back to the pru he went. They don’t allow him to stay for the full day as they say he can’t manage. LA are supposed to be helping with special schools but so far none have offered him a place and they want to put him in a pru for secondary to which I refuse! The pru has been a massive part of the problem.

You can ask for social care assessments yourself.

They don’t allow him to stay for the full day as they say he can’t manage.

This is an unlawful exclusion. DS should be attending full time or the LA should be providing alternative provision. If you want DS to attend full time email the PRU informing them they are illegally excluding DS and from now on he will be attending full time unless they formally exclude (don’t be worried about exclusion, it provides you with evidence DS’s needs aren’t being met) then if it continues write to the LA threatening Judicial Review. If you don’t want DS to attend full time write to the Director of Children’s Services telling them DS is entitled to a suitable, full time education under s.19 of the Education Act 1996 and they need to make provision, if they don’t you will be forced to begin Judicial Review proceedings.

With an EHCP, unless the school is wholly independent the LA have to name your preference unless the LA can prove:

• The setting is unsuitable for the age, ability, aptitude or special educational needs (“SEN”) of the child or young person; or


• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the provision of efficient education for others; or


• The attendance of the child or young person would be incompatible with the efficient use of resources.

The bar to prove one of the above is high, higher than an “adverse effect”, “impact on” or “prejudicial to”. If the LA can’t prove one of them they can, and must, name the school regardless of the school’s objections.

You can ask for wholly independent schools too, but you will have to show none of the LA’s proposed schools can meet DS’s needs &/or it isn’t unreasonable public expenditure.

Thank you so much for your advice! I wasn’t aware of any of this. It seems that when you don’t know they fob you off with whatever they want.

With regards to secondary school in September the LA have said they have referred him to a brokerage service who will consult with all special schools in neighbouring boroughs but so far none have come back with an offer. The one I I originally wanted him to go to that I had requested when he got his EHCP apparently told me they can’t meet his needs, well that what the LA told me. They basically told me to accept whatever is offered because time is running out. My biggest concern is they will tell me all schools consulted have said they can’t meet his needs so there’s no other option but the PRU but from what you’ve told me I have hope as they can’t do that, if I have understood correctly.

Unless it is wholly independent even if the school say they can’t meet his needs the LA can, and must, name them if the LA cannot prove the high bar of one of the above.

Do you think your preferred school can meet DS’s needs? And is it wholly independent? If you think the school can meet DS’s needs you should appeal for it.

Even if you don’t think that school can meet DS’s needs you should submit an appeal before you run out of time.

I’m not too familiar with special schools so the school I wanted him to go to had come as a recommendation from CAMHS so I researched them online, also the location was good for us so from my reading of what they offer I feel they could have met his needs. I will check if it’s independent as I’m not 100%. I didn’t even know I could appeal! What is the timeframe for me to have enough time to do it? I had an email from the LA to say 2 other special schools wanted more information from them and the PRU he’s at now but they haven’t directed spoken to me. Thank you again.

Have a read of IPSEA and SOSSEN’s websites.

When you got the finalised EHCP you should have recieved a letter with it telling you how to appeal and details of the mediation service. You have to appeal within 2 months of the finalised EHCP or 1 month of the date on the mediation certificate, whichever is later.

Not all independent special schools are wholly independent, some are section 41 independents.

I will have a read of those websites and go back to the letter they sent me. Thanks so much :)