Speech delay and potty training

[Amyh490]

Hi, I’m looking for some advice really.
so my son is 3yr 3 month. Has little to no speech. Makes noises and says odd word now and again. We’ve had portage for a year and speech and language for 8 months. He’s currently under paediatrics for possible asd diagnosis.
he’s such a happy little boy and likes to do his own thing. He’s only just starting to understand instructions but sometimes it’s hard to even get his attention. I’m really worried about potty training him. I actually don’t even know where to start as he doesn’t know when his nappy is wet or dirty he doesn’t show any signs of pulling it off or telling you it’s wet or dirty. I’ve had a lot of tips and things from health visitor but they all relate to when a child can tell you or show signs of potty training. I’m just wondering if anyone else has experienced this. I feel helpless at times.

We are training DS. He's 3.5 and also has a significant speech and language delay. Showed no obvious signs of readiness but we noticed that if we took his nappy off, he was clearly aware of it. Decided to go cold turkey a few weeks ago and have been astounded by his progress. Despite his communication difficulties, he was clearly way more aware than anyone would have realised and pull ups were masking a lot. He has a bit more language now than your DS but this has only really appeared in the last few months.

Similar experience as Bobble. DD has been diagnosed as autistic, she is 3yr 9 months. She is verbal but on her terms. She was showing none of the standard signs of readiness when my friend’s kids were - being unhappy in nappies etc, so I was very chilled out and was of the opinion that she would get there when she was ready. But after she turned three & still nothing I thought maybe we’d go nappy free at home and see how we went.

Very quickly she would go to the potty to wee on her own accord (wouldn’t tell me she needed to go though, and still doesn’t). This worked for ages at home but I didn’t dare to take her out of the house in pants because of her not telling me that she needs to go. Then we hit January and nursery encouraged us to go for it. She had a few accidents in the first week but we were gobsmacked that she took to it really quickly - but she has to take herself, she doesn’t like to be taken/being forced to try. That’s hard when we are out and about but if we are at a friend’s house, I show her the toilet and she takes herself off if she needs to go.

Poos have been a longer process and we are literally only starting to crack it this past fortnight. She has been pooing in nappies still, bringing me one to put on when she needed. I would sit her on the toilet every time, and let her try; then put nappy on, and change her in the toilet. One day last week she went during the time she was sat on the toilet and I think it’s made her realise it’s not so scary. But it’s all a process - today she wanted a nappy on again after 10 days of using the toilet and even with encouragement she wouldn’t go. I don’t want her to hold it in so I let her, and we’ll try again next time.

With the warmer weather, it might be something to start nappy off time at home, read some potty books and go from there x

Do you think your DS is under-sensitive to touch/physical sensation? That can be a big barrier because if they can't feel the wet /poo or can't feel the sensation of needing to urinate, it is harder to toilet train.

My son didn't grasp what he was meant to do on the toilet because all the little potty books and videos (Elmo etc) were all too polite and euphemistic and didn't actually show wee or poo in the potty. We used a video called Tom's Toileting Triumph (on YouTube) to teach our son. It is designed for SEND kids and shows cartoon wee and poo in a cartoon toilet. So leaves nothing to the imagination. Worked brilliantly with my son. After 18 months of struggling unsuccessfully with other methods. We watched that video for 2-3 days and my son was suddenly fully toilet trained!

thanks @Titsflyingsouth I've had loads of trouble getting my DS (3.5) anywhere near potty training, even though he loves his potty training books. I'll definitely check out that video!