Possible autism in 3 year old

[L0ts]

I’m sorry if this ends up being super long. For a while I’ve suspected it but annoyingly have been brushed off by health visitors and GP’s countless times and I now feel like I’m ready to fight for an actual diagnoses or at least have a professional observe him.

I have brought it up at every appointment for over a year now and each time have been told ‘boys tend to be a bit autistic let’s try him with speech therapy first’ which I’m happy about, but I can’t believe it’s taken this long to even get that when I’ve mentioned it SO many times in the past.

I will list the things he does that I believe are possible autistic traits and the things he doesn’t do that are known autistic traits, if that makes sense?

He talks A LOT, like he has known the alphabet, the order of the planets, 1-20, colours, shapes, animals, you name it.. since he was about 18-24 months old. He LOVES singing nursery rhymes and knows an array of different ones off by heart. He will repeat words back to you sometimes and will just surprise you by saying what you’re doing randomly, if that makes sense? Like we can go outside and he can say ‘it’s raining’ but that’s all on his terms completely. My concern is that he absolutely does not communicate, he’s never called us mommy or daddy, he will never say ‘can I have a drink please?’ ‘I’ve hurt my knee’ ‘can we go to the park?’ Or anything along those lines.

He’s VERY affectionate, he loves cuddles and kisses, especially with me and his dad. He likes to play with us at home, always will ask for help if he can’t open a certain box or can’t get a toy from somewhere. He isn’t upset by change of routine at all, we can chop and change daily whenever, his bedtime is often different most days and it doesn’t upset him. He’s a good sleeper (sleeps 11/12 hours a night without a peep) and he’s also a pretty good eater and always has been. Although very recently has become fussy with fruit and veg but I’m pretty sure that’s normal with most toddlers at some point.

He doesn’t have super bad tantrums but when he is upset he can smack at his tummy or very recently he’s started scratching it when he isn’t getting his own way. He’s never gotten to grips with using a spoon or a fork, although admittedly we probably haven’t tried as much as we should have. He’s very in to playdoh, stickers etc but isn’t bothered whatsoever by painting or drawing, he won’t entertain it at all.

For a long time he avoided eye contact but very recently in the last month or so it’s like he’s realised he can look in to peoples eyes and he’s been doing it a lot more as of late. Something that’s worried me is that 75% of the time he doesn’t respond to his name, it’s like he doesn’t associate it to him at all. But he will stand in front of a mirror and point to himself when I say his name, it’s very confusing.

He went through a phase last year of spinning quite a lot and that worried me, he hasn’t done it for a very long time now though. He’s never walked on his tip toes or twisted his hands and ankles around as a baby, is that called stimming? Apologies if I’ve got that wrong. But he can sometimes flap his hands out of nowhere and he does like to bring his hands close to his face sometimes too.

I don’t think he’s ever played with other children, or willingly played with them. He will let them play around him and he’s absolutely fine with that but he won’t interact with them at all. He has a cousin who is a year younger than him and he sees her regularly but never once has he participated in play with her. But he will let her follow him around, take toys off him, play on her tablet with her and take it in turns etc.

Another worry of mine is he doesn’t point. If I say to him ‘you have to point, show mommy what you want by pointing’ for example for a while his playdoh was on top of the fridge and he would point to it but he’s never pointed to aeroplanes in the sky or if I ask him ‘where’s the tiger?’ In a book, he won’t point to it at all.

He does get VERY in to things but not to the point where they are the only things he plays with. He will get a lot of toys out daily and plays with an array of different things, but certainly has his favourites. He has very good imaginative play. For example before we bought him the peppa pig family as teddy bears for Christmas he would get 4 random teddies and call them ‘mommy pig’ ‘daddy pig’ ‘peppa’ and ‘George’.

Sorry this is so long and thank you so much if you’ve got this far, I’m just in despair most days because I can tell something isn’t quite right but I’m sick of it getting brushed off whenever I’ve mentioned it at the relevant appointments. He has speech therapy starting very soon so I’m pleased about that. But nervous as he starts nursery in 3 months and I don’t want it to be an unpleasant experience for him. We are also struggling to potty train him because of the lack of communication/speech.

Thank you again and any advice is much welcomed. Especially in regards to how you finally had a professional observe your child if you had no luck with health visitors or GP.

When I suspected my son had Autism I had to fight for a diagnosis, you have to keep fighting! As hard as it is, you will be ignored or they will believe he is too young to be diagnosed. But only YOU know your child, after fighting since he was 2 he was eventually diagnosed at 3. Remember every child with a diagnosis of Autism displays different behavioural traits, my son wasn’t talking at all, everything had to be in colour co-ordination, he would get very upset when he wanted things but couldn’t vocalise. So it’s good that your little one is able to talk and that’s all because of you so be proud of that. My son talks now, which I’m grateful for. But keep fighting so he can get the support he needs and I would also try and reach out to an Autistic society to try and support you through the process. That’s how I managed to get my son diagnosed by a child psychologist. I hope this helps

As the previous person said, don't give up!

Autism is a very large spectrum and there are varying levels. Our DD is 3 and a half and I knew something didn't sit right with me at 18 months and like you was fobbed off. They say that children can show signs now, from as young as a year old.

My DD puts her hands up to her face, stims but not that often, spins sometimes, is now looking at us and will respond to name (most of the time). She is however pre-verbal at present, but uses other ways to show us what her needs are.

Go back to your GP (see another one), in my experience it's the healthcare professional who you meet that can make the difference. Guess its all about funding....

Hi, I know this is from a while ago but how did you get on? This sounds exactly like my son and we've just had the nursery ask if they can refer him to paediatrics

Hi @Loucol85 I think this post is now almost 2 years old and a lot has happened and changed in that time. My son has been on the waiting list for an autism assessment after being referred to the paediatrician for a while now but there is absolutely no doubt about it that he does have autism.

He’s a very different boy to the I wrote about in this post though. I wrote he doesn’t respond to his name 75% of the time but I’d say he now actually does respond to his name that amount of time and 25% of the time he doesn’t. I wrote he doesn’t call us mommy or daddy but now he does, it’s lovely. I wrote he wouldn’t tell us if he needed a drink or snack etc but now he does. Granted he doesn’t say ‘can I have a snack mommy?’ But he does tell us what specific snack he wants and will say ‘drink’ if he’s thirsty.

He knows when to say please and thank you, says I love you when you say it to him. When I wrote this he still breastfed for comfort, still slept in our bed and still used a highchair. All of which don’t exist anymore. He quit breastfeeding just after he turned 3, he now sleeps in his own bed in his own room all night long and he doesn’t use a highchair anymore, although he did until he was 4.

He has an EHCP at school so has a 1-1 with him at all times. He’s in reception now and has very, very slowly worked up to full days. I’m so proud of him. I never thought he would eat his lunch surrounded by other children but he did it the first time they tried and has been great at it ever since.

There’s somethings we are still working on, he isn’t potty trained as he just isn’t ready. But he does do poops on the toilet when we sit him on it which is progress as for a whole year he held in his poos sometimes going up to 3 weeks at a time, it was very stressful for us all as a family. He definitely can still prefer his own company but absolutely involves us SOOOO much more in his play than he did when I wrote this post.

I hope this can bring you some hope, I know how you’re probably feeling right now. When we first made the referral (I think he was just about to turn 3) I was still massively in denial. Then when his nursery agreed with us and I saw how other children acted in comparison to my son I just knew. Autism was all I ate, slept and breathed at one point, I really made myself poorly with it. But he’s come on so, so much in the last two years.

Ironically when reading it back I wrote he never tip toe walked and I actually remember a couple months after I wrote this he started to do it. He can still do it now but he only really does it when playing at home or when he really gets in to something he’s watching on his tablet and is running around.

The thanks for your reply! Glad to hear he's developed further, must feel so rewarding! We've got a few single words so far, he just started nursery in April and they've already asked to bring in some other professionals as he doesn't seem to want to play with the other children and likes to spin toys before playing with them. I've always felt he was a bit different so along with the speech delay it hasn't been a massive surprise, I just want to get on with helping him as much as possible now