Looking for advice

[Paigeturner48]

So we have two nd dc who have continence issues and varying degrees of EBSA. Term time has been difficult for years I have taken 99% of the load as I work part time flexibly.
Dh works full time Monday to Friday so misses the flash points.
Weekends I still do lions share
The youngest especially wears pulls ups and will change himself but dumps pull ups in his room. When I am around I encourage him to tip poo down the loo etc and help clean him up. Obviously I miss the odd one and than normally dispose of them properly myself.
So I had a very needed weekend away leaving dh in charge. I came home to 12 pull ups festering in ds room. Dh said well I told him to dispose of them.
So how do I tackle DH? I feel he isn't proactive enough. I know they lived off takeaways all weekend. All the Chinese dips were left on table.
Or am I too proactive and I should step back and let dc do more.
Any advice appreciated.