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Sometimes the stares get me down

7 replies

Cryingintherain99 · 30/05/2022 14:41

Usually I can just brush it off, but I'm going through a particularly difficult phase with my anxiety at the moment and I'll admit there are times when it really disheartens me.

My youngest child has Down's.
Days out can be a challenge (I'm a single mum).
My child also has mobility problems so uses a wheelchair.
He just sits there minding his own business, happily taking in his surroundings, not bothering anyone.

Most people are lovely. Some will even stop to say Hello to him, which makes my day as well as his.
In every day out though, no matter where we go, there is always one child or a group of siblings (obviously different kids on every outing, but always one) who just come to a complete standstill. They literally freeze and stare and stare and stare at my son. They will stay routed to the spot not taking their eyes off him until we have walked past.
My son is blissfully unaware of it, but there are days when I go home feeling so deflated.
It's so hard as we (myself and his siblings) just see him for who he is - an individual.

It's not always pre schoolers either. The ones who stopped to stare today were at least 7/8 year olds.
Even before I had my youngest child, I would always educate my older children about children with Down's Syndrome, so that they were aware and knew it was rude and disrespectful to stare.
The parents have a gawp themselves, and then carry on chatting to each other, leaving the kids behind still staring.

I would have hoped with more awareness in the media of children and adults with Down's, that things would have changed for the better and that people would be more accepting, but sadly I am reminded each time we venture out that there is still a lot of ignorance in the world.

OP posts:
vjg13 · 30/05/2022 18:01

My daughter (now an adult) doesn't have Down's syndrome but does have SLD and I remember some of the kids staring also adults. It does get better in terms of caring less.

Worrysaboutalot · 31/05/2022 14:05

That is rubbish!

You are right some people need to learn to do better. However there is no way to reach everyone, meaning we will always face some stares. I am in a chair, so I do get it.

Grab yourself a brew/wine/gin. Flowers

Chocchip68 · 02/06/2022 13:36

I used to get that with my boy so I used to stare at them and say have you never seen a child with SN? They soon apologized now I just let it go over my head.. ppl are rude if they ask me why he’s being like that I tell them.

Dalekjastninerels · 06/06/2022 08:29

I work with people with Disabilties and OMG yes people can be very rude.

The person could be just sitting there in the wheelchair and the stares!

My solution is to stare back and not look away until they do.

This is something that infuriates me; people with Disabilities are tolerated, but not truly accepted.😞

ZooKeeper19 · 06/06/2022 15:16

Can I say something. As a SN person, I am so worried every time I meet someone "different". I am scared that I will be shouted at "what are you staring at?!" (it happened before).

Let me explain. Anything different to mean/average is of interest to me, to many people. But I am not being judgemental, I really like to stop and smile if the other person does (met an amputee on a bus last week when with my child in buggy and had the loveliest smile exchange and I was so relieved that he was not angry about me smiling at him and he even waved us off said bye byeeeee).

What I am saying is, if I met you and your child in the wheelchair and I walked and looked I am looking to catch your eye, his/her smile and I smile back and wave and say hi. But it seems if I look, I will get a death stare and that scares and confuses me :( I am not negative and I see us all as people who can live and work together helping each other. In a good way.

Dalekjastninerels · 06/06/2022 18:36

Zookeeper19

You are just looking and if you catch my eye or one of the people I look after and smile we would smile back.

You are not the issue at all .

It is people that blatantly stare in a nasty way or worse will actually ask what is wrong with the person in the wheelchair right in front of them.

Rude Person " What's wrong with her?"
Me " Nothing's wrong we are just out for a walk"

Person was (is!) Nonverbal but had good receptive language

Some people actually pull their children away 😢

Dalekjastninerels · 06/06/2022 18:37

Has!

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