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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on special needs.

Referral to social services
13

purpleme12 · 21/05/2022 15:56

A referral has been made to help with my child's behaviour.
What can I expect? I'm worried

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CormoranStrike · 21/05/2022 16:01

I think it would depend on the behaviour.


fallibg by asker in classes and telling teachers he doesn’t have a mattress for example would be a very different scenario to him being accused of stabbing a pupil!


do you know the reasons? Or is this a malicious accusation?

in their case stay calm, state your views and opinions and listen carefully to what they say.

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CormoranStrike · 21/05/2022 16:01

Argh. That should read falling asleep

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purpleme12 · 21/05/2022 16:03

No it's because her behaviour isn't normal.
It's not normal behaviour.
School are aware.

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wpse · 21/05/2022 16:05

You need to elaborate on how her behaviour isn't normal.

Social services are there to help you. Unless you are neglecting or abusing her you have nothing to worry about.

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purpleme12 · 21/05/2022 16:07

It is not school who have referred. Neighbour called police because of screaming. I told them the truth as it's not a secret. I let them refer me for help with her behaviour

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Threetulips · 21/05/2022 16:09

They will assess the situation and check with school and doctors. They can then get other agencies involved like CAMHS and go from there.

If you have no support they can sometimes refer for respite.

They are there to help you. Take all they offer.

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purpleme12 · 21/05/2022 16:14

I guess I wondered if anyone else has been in this situation

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purpleme12 · 21/05/2022 17:46

No one

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RaisingAgent · 23/05/2022 22:03

How old is your child, and does she have a diagnosis yet?

If she does, it may be that you are seen by the disabled children's team of social care. They should have a better understanding of how disability affects a child and their family than perhaps other teams in social care might have.

Is your child at nursery or school yet? If so, do you feel comfortable to talk to them and let them know the neighbour called social services?

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purpleme12 · 23/05/2022 22:28

I've spoken to school about everything. They know everything.
I just want them to call now I want to tell them I'd rather keep going through school than have social services involved. I had a rubbish few days with her so I was feeling a bit shit when they came and I let them. I'm feeling a bit more logical now. No diagnosis yet but think going to speak to school (again) this week about possibly this...

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RaisingAgent · 24/05/2022 08:06

That's great that you have communication channels open with school.

I know what you mean about having a run of bad days which led to your decision to work with SS. How often are you in a rough patch like that?

I feel there is so much stigma associated with asking for help from SS, and it's a psychological barrier to many families that really need help supporting their disabled children.

My opinion is that if a parent is willing to face the social stigma of asking for help, then this is real strength.

It was a massive deal for me when we accepted a referral to Early Help a few years ago, but it was honestly one of the most helpful things we did. We had a superb Family Support Worker who did absolutely loads to help us. For me, I felt a lot of shame about "unmasking" and letting the FSW see how difficult things were, as I'd been brought up with the notion that "people like me don't need social care, that's for people who are in genuine need." I felt shame and guilt that I couldn't make our situation better despite all my efforts (and I tried a lot!)

What I learned from working with the FSW though, was that the education, health and social care system is in a desperately broken dysfunctional state, and that it really takes a professional like a FSW or SW intervening on your behalf to actually get access to the services and support that families need. Does that make sense?

Basically, if support services were operating as they ideally should be, you would already have been offered suitable support before it got to the point that your neighbour is worried.

I don't want to cause you any offence by saying this as it might not be relevant to you, but what I would say, very gently, is that if you are feeling that your responses to your child are less than what you want them to be - if you feel you wouldn't want anyone seeing how you respond at times - then try SS now for support, rather than leaving things and hoping they'll get better. Our children can have complex needs, and so much is demanded of us as parents, it's unlikely to get better. I'm not meaning to worry you, but hope you won't say no to help now only to look back in a few months/years and really regret not letting someone in at this point now. Flowers

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AReallyUsefulEngine · 24/05/2022 09:13

Don’t be afraid of social care. Help via social care will be different to help via school, you should have both to help in tandem. If you aren’t under the disabled children’s team ask to be, you don’t need a diagnosis.

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purpleme12 · 24/05/2022 09:14

Unfortunately our neighbor isn't concerned about us at all. They have been harrassing us for months before my child's behaviour started. And unfortunately my child's behaviour is now playing into their hands. So they've started making malicious calls to the police. Apparently the police can't prove it's malicious because for them to do that they'd have to say I just reported them because I don't like the noise/them.

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