PDA getting ready for school

[lollipoprainbow]

It's an absolute impossibility to get my dd9 ready for school. We used to have one or two bad days where she would meltdown at having to get ready but now it's every day and it's making me and her so stressed. She point blank refuses to get dressed so I have to do it, she kicks me and as soon as I manage to get an item of clothing on she takes it off and runs away. I also have to get ready for Work so that adds extra stress. Last week was hell and we were late for school every day, I then walked to work in tears. Any tips please ?

Sleep in the clean uniform so she is already dressed! Do something else between leaving the house (early) and arriving at school that she enjoys (Pokemon Go, meet a local friend who has a dog she can fuss, etc) - talk about that as you leave the house, not school. Take breakfast out with you if that is what is required (you can have a sandwich for breakfast and then cereal for snack at home in the afternoon if that helps).

After years of horrific agressive before school meltdowns and daily lates at work I had to get everything in place the night before. He has to sleep in socks as socks alone can take him up to 30 minutes of screaming telling me he wants to smash his feet off. That though made nights difficult as he hated socks on his skin, always has. I cant dress him at night as he is a very active sweaty sleeper. He often wets himself so it would be silly me dressing him in uniform for bed but i know some who do. But everything i can get ready to free up my time in the mornings i do.
We have to get up about 2 hours earlier. Dressing, and I'm talking only 3 items of clothing can take 40 minutes. If you include shoes and socks (where his taken them off in his sleep) your easily 1 hour 30 mins of screaming at me how much he hates his life and i don't understand how he feels. I have to use incentives like if you can do this by this time you can have more tv time. If he feels forced into anything his aggression towards me is really upsetting. I find our days and nights draining. The next battle is actually getting him out the house. It's near impossible most of the time. I actually changed my jobs to be more available to him in the holidays. But now he goes to school 40 minutes early via his friends house so by the time he gets to school he has settled down. I find he mimics his friend's behaviours to fit in (obs made at school). Our mornings are horrible and very long and I know it's bad but I have to use his ability to mask during these times by taking him to school via his friends. Before I started my new job I would have to leave him kicking and screaming at the school door. Now I allow enough time to get it out at home and by the time he gets to his friends he has worked himself out of the meltdown. This won't last forever though. Now he is more comfortable around his friends parents he is starting to display signs of anxiety and upset with them. So our current routine will probably not work for much longer

Try to be totally ready yourself before she gets up so you are only looking after her. Bags packed everything (in the car) no rushing everything at snails pace very calm environment - maybe get up 30 mins earlier so everyone can go at a slower pace - takes forever
can you use tv plus a mobile (games / Tik tok to distract) to get her dressed? If she likes that? - that’s the only way I can get him dressed he’s in some trans with both those things on and let me gets him dressed but I don’t talk much on an am as that sets him off but everyone else (brothers, sisters etc) needs to be out of the house - suppose he is gaining mental energy for the day

good luck pda is exhausting hence that’s why I’m awaking 🤪🤪🤪