Autism in girls?

[anon2334]

I have a 9 year old girl. She is very sociable, does well at school but even teacher has noticed she has issues with clothes. When I say issues I mean extreme. Am example is this holiday she has only one worn one top and even then I've had to wash it over and over. Hates socks only wears them for school and even then they have to be special socks. And I have to buy them after a few washes as she hates the feel of them. Not just that but she gets so distressed about it. Her school shoes are not allowed to touch each other. My mum accidently moved them close together and she went into a meltdown over it. Not allowed to put fork in her dinner. Has very set rituals with things. Has I say she does well and is very popular at school. She says sometimes her friends have said she is weird but lovely. Her brothers both on the spectrum but younger and it was more noticeable. With my daughter it's she will grow out of it. She never has. She has meltdowns over clothes a lot and hates sleeping alone. We have a night light for her.

Any ideas on how to help her more? I do fear as she gets olde the clothes issues will get worse. She hates certain shoes, material and even bringing teeth has to be done after ive old her over and over again.

I'd see about getting her referred for testing

I would recommend getting a referral done via gp for assessment. Then go and have the assessment done privately - it can be forwarded through to the nhs team to be ratified this saves you waiting for 3yrs and then you can via nhs see what intervention is required to treat the main symptoms your daughter experiences.

She may also qualify for DLA and this can give you an entitlement to UC/tax credits if awarded. The money is important as it can pay for all kinds of things your daughter may need now to reduce anxiety and help with the sensory issues, many also keep it for later down the line as the teens/20s can be more challenging.

Getting the diagnosis will also give your daughter a better chance at school such as extra time/separate rooms in extras, homework and class work accommodations, extra support in. With the diagnosis the school can apply for more funding.

As for the sensory issues sensory integration therapy and seeing an occupational therapist would be avenues to consider amongst others.

Please ring your local autism charity and www.autism.org.u.k. for targeted support and advice on this.

There is a book my friend gave me that is very good
Women and Girls with Autism Spectrum Disorder: Understanding Life Experiences from Early Childhood to Old Age

The biggest gift is the diagnosis.

I was in two minds as to whether to post this extra bit but couldn’t get pm to work and I think this is important to give you insight.

@anon2334 I had quite pronounced difficulties with clothing as a child. Amongst other things. You have to maintain some middle ground - you cannot force her to wear abc as this will promote a meltdown. But you do need to gradually try and break down whatever the problem is.

I had issues with tights, wool, itchy fabrics, frilly dresses. My Mum did the same as you she washed things many times before they would be acceptable. I dressed like a tomboy - dungarees were the best. Everything was cotton and synthetic. It still is. And I still wear the same 1-3 outfits in rotation for day to day. If I find something that feels particularly “ok” I buy several of them in different colour ways.

What you have to understand is that for your daughter, though she is nine, some of her responses will be immature, not neurotypical or both. Whenever she puts on clothing that makes her fell uncomfortable it’s like nails down a blackboard, or that feeling when you look directly at the sun. It feels extreme and can induce nausea. She won’t be able to enjoy her day.
It’s like if you move house to live beside a train line. At first it is intense, gradually you become acclimatised. The clothes she is ok with she is acclimatised to. Those she is not it feels like a train going past loudly shaking the whole house. This probably sounds mad…

What I suggest doing is go with what she wants, and then make minor adjustments, or try to get her multiples of the same item. Slowly does it and discuss how things feel for her all the time and try and get her to empathise with you too.(Mummy would really like you to try some other outfits as I can’t wash all the time, what do you like about X top, can we get some more like this?)

The shoes touching, fork in dinner, presumably she’ll freak out if different foods touch on her plate too? This feels like whenever you hit the buzzer on that don’t buzz game. Or imagine you spent hours sorting pages of work into two piles and somebody threw it all up in the air. It’s the same feeling. If you can understand that it will be easier to understand and help her.

As I said the biggest gift is the diagnosis and the support that follows via health service (intervention)/DLA (essential extra needs cover)/school (accommodations and support). Your daughter is vulnerable because of her disability and it needs recognition to protect her and to make her life less stressful. It is so important. Girls go unrecognised because they are so good at masking and their issues aren’t as obvious.

I have a very full life, have achieved a lot, but I could have done without the struggle up until mid twenties.

I really hope you are able to get the help required. I am primarily reading posts to help my son, but I really wanted to reply to you as this just sounded like me as a kid.

Thank-you to all replies. I've had people say she is a very smart and it's a phase etc, she does it for attention but for the boys it's just autism straight away. I will look into referral. I can't afford private for autism just sensory alone as it's cheaper maybe but maybe the referral bit is helpful.

Very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to write it out. She is so fussy about many things , well I not fussy I guess ,it's clearly underlining issue. Thank you

We went through the GP for dd although she is 18 and only recently went for assessment. She was referred to a psychiatrist who did the autism referral and she got the diagnosis a few weeks after her appointment. All done via nhs

I would ask the GP for a referral. There are several possible signs and her DB’s being ND means there is a higher chance DD is.

In the meantime, some areas offer sensory OT on the NHS. If your area do see if you can self refer and ask for a referral if not. If the special socks you have tried aren’t seamless ones they would be worth a try - Sensory Smart ones are good.

Are school providing any support? DD doesn’t need a diagnosis for that, support in school is needs based.

We got our son referred as soon as we could to nhs. We were told the wait time was three years, so we went private for assessment. The private provider sent the report through to the nhs trust and it was ratified so he is back nhs now.

We applied for DLA for him post diagnosis (which was backdated to the point we ordered the form over the phone), the first payment we received covered the cost of the private assessment. A risk admittedly, but myself and his teachers were pretty confident there were additional needs, now clarified for all.

Having been through trauma due to a lack of diagnosis myself. I didn’t want to risk my son encountering same.

I was always a straight A student from primary to Uni. So you can be smart but have difficulties.

I’m glad my posts have been helpful and wish you all the best of luck with your daughter.