Adhd SEN support?

[CheddarGorge99]

My 7year old son is under assessment for ADHD and possible ASD. We are in a bad patch at the moment and I'm struggling, finding him very challenging and not parenting like I should be. I can see how I should be doing better but am struggling to put it into practice. I'm worried we will do him harm in the longer term if we don't do better by him, but how to do it?!

Any recommendations for help \ support \ resources \ coping strategies to call on would be much appreciated. I feel like I'm losing my way with him at the moment x

My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 6. I have felt like you describe many, many times. My husband and I took the Triple P online parenting course, which has helped. We have also been advised to find a Barkley parenting group (look up Russell Barkley on YouTube). I've also tried hard to de-escalate situations when they are getting out of hand - instead of reacting with anger I try to stay calm, stop all demands, sit down and listen to him. It doesn't always work. My angry reactions are often due to panic. So I treat them like a panic attack and try to 'ground' myself before reacting. Noticing where I am in my menstrual cycle is key for me too, I now realise I get very bad PMT.

Like I say, sometimes it works and sometimes I forget but we are all human and I say sorry and we hug and make up if I lose it. Good luck

Thankful for your response, it's very much appreciated. I've found some resources by Russell Barclay and am finding them really helpful.
We've had some ups and downs these last few weeks but I can see how Barclay's app roach could help, though practise may be more difficult! You sound like you're doing a great job by your son and really working to support him x

Sorry I'm only just replying now. It's bloody tough sometimes, I don't think anyone really understands until they have been through it. I've stumbled across a few things recently that you might find useful:
Yellow Sun ADHD hub on facebook - run by a former SENCO has good advice and a support group
How to ADHD on YouTube and Instagram - I find her really engaging to listen to and inspiring as someone with ADHD who has succeeded in life.
The Childhood COllective on Instagram - a group of three US therapists and parents who offer courses and tips and support online.
ADHD Understood - another US therapist who offers tips online and weekly webinars.

Hope things are going ok and these help a bit!

One thing I’ve found with ds is to give him regular food / snacks.

He’s unbearable when hangry. And since he can’t regulate his emotions in normal circumstances something as simple as hunger can intensify that 0 to 100 flip of mood! He has autism too and although he’s very verbal he still isn’t able to outrightly say mum I’m hungry get me some food. So regular food and snacks is built in to our day. I know if I’m ever hungry (which is a lot! Haha) I’m not very pleasant.

How is his sleep? Ask for sleep medication if needed. Ds takes 2 sleep meds together, (phenergan and melatonin) still not perfect but whatever

Agree with the above poster regarding PMT. I snap at myself when due on so im definitely less tolerant of ds when hormonal! Thankfully it’s only about 3/4 days of a month where I’m on the verge of selling him 😂

I think the biggest thing id say is parenting kids with additional needs is hard work! If I’ve had a particularly shouty day with ds or not been very patient, I feel shit and guilty when he’s finally gone to bed, but then I think there’s no wonder really, you need the patience of a freaking saint and when they’ve pushed your buttons from dawn til dusk you’re bound to get frustrated.

My ds is a serial button pusher btw. I’m convinced he invented pushing buttons! 🤣