If your child has ADHD/add

[purpleme12]

If your child has this

Please can someone help me on how to deal with them when they're kicking off

I think it depends where they are, and how old (or how big) they are.

Generally, calmly removing them from an audience always helped (when I was able to carry them), or possibly removing the 'audience' from them.

Easier said than done, but trying to be as calm and matter of fact as you can. Bit like toddlers tantrumming really - not worth trying to negotiate or explain anything when they are kicking off.
Ideally, preventing it happening is better than trying to deal with it (again, I know that is easier to say than to do), but I found giving some autonomy or some aspects they have a choice over helped. Trying to avoid ultimatums, and trying to give them an 'exit' so they can 'make a good choice'

Oh I'm trying all this ☹️
They're still happening
Not that she's been diagnosed but I think I'm going to ask for her to be referred

First thing is to accept that once a meltdown has started, there is nothing you can do about it. Just let it run its course. Keep them safe and don’t make it worse by getting angry.

You might find some things do help - with my son helping him find a safe space like a blanket den can help, and so can the ipad. Not all the time though. There may be some things.

Also if the meltdown is because your child wants something, sometimes just choose your battles and give them the thing. I know, this is not how we want to raise our kids, but in the moment it’s better to get them calm and then have a discussion after about why they couldn’t have the thing, and why we can’t get what we want all the time, because in the moment of a meltdown they aren’t learning anything.

Hi OP, there is an online Canadian magazine called Additude which is worth subscribing to as you get emailed links to articles that give practical help and advice for /about children and adults with ADHD. Also a podcast called Additude. I have found this a godsend as there is a forum you can join too with other parents who tell you what they have tried. I tend to use a visual timer once a meltdown has started to give a period of time to let it run its course and then talk to DC about whatever triggered it once they are calm. This gap of time helps me to calm down also.

Thank you so much for answering

Had more screaming today
More aggressiveness
And she likes to blame it on me saying 'i'm rude'
I know this isn't normal behaviour
I'm at a loss and so upset by it all

No one else's child behaves like this
Neither did my child used to
I can't talk to her anymore
I don't know if I can cope with this anymore

How do I stop the screaming???

@purpleme12 you can’t stop the screaming. You can’t control it. It’s not your fault but it’s not hers either. The more you can accept all this the better life will be, truly.

Hello, I thought I'd reach out to you as I am going through the exact same thing with my 8yo son.
The last 12 months things have gotten so bad that I dread taking him anywhere as I know he will kick off about something! We ate currently in the process of being referred to a paediatrician, as I am convinced my son has some undiagnosed needs.
He constantly tells me I'm rude and I hate him, when I am only trying to keep him safe or defuse a meltdown. He is brutally honest and will tell children he hates them or that they are annoying. He has also started being rude in public which he never use to be, for example he told two children to f**k off as the park today because they wouldn't play with him!

I just wanted to say thank you so much to the people who've replied.
I find it so challenging dealing with it all by myself.
The only thing that works with her is cuddle or lying on top of her and singing a lullaby. Sometimes she's not ready for that though if the screaming has just started.
Today I had to resort to almost treating her like a baby to get her to do normal requests. Ie picking her up, speaking really gently, leading her by the hand to where she needed to go.

@Rebecca007 that sounds so hard. I hope you've got support to help you through

@purpleme12 and @Rebecca007 i hear you both. For what it’s worth, there are other families out there like mine who have the same struggles. It’s hard and lonely and so unfair. I just remind myself life isn’t fair and some people’s kids get cancer so on balance i’m lucky my child is alive and physically healthy at least.

it does annoy me that on social media there is a lot of neurodiversity positivity, with parents with their cute kids who are a bit quirky because they only wear purple or whatever, and the parents say ‘oh adhd / autism is so great i wouldn’t change it for the world’, and i think f* you. If i could cure my son’s adhd i would in a moment. It sucks for him and it sucks for me and it sucks for anyone who gets in his way.