My 5 year old may have ADHD, any advice

[Lorddenning1]

My son who is 5 has always been a high maintenance child from the moment he was born, his older brother is very different to him, I never normally compare them as every child is different and there seems to be a trend with second born children. Anyways he doesn't listen, does what he wants, hits his older brother for no reason, messes about, always full of energy, never sits still. I did think that's just the way he was and joke to my OH that he is just a bit of a pain in the arse.
He started school in September and I thought this would calm him down and straighten him out a bit, but it hasn't at all. He is reading and can do his letters etc and he is where he is meant to be for his age but he can't sit still and concentrate. He always has to be told to sit still and come on do your work etc. he goes round the classroom and been removed from the activity stations due to bad behaviour. Today he has stood on some head phones that were on the floor in the classroom and broke them, when asked why he just shrugged his shoulders and said he doesn't know.
Having a word with the teacher after school about his week, I asked her if she thought he had ADHD, She nodded her head and said yes, and she can now talk about it now that I have brought it up. She said she is worried about how he will get on in year 1 as the children are given work to do on their own and she doesn't think he will be able to do that and will fall behind. The plan for now is to wait and see what he is like in year 1 and if he doesn't calmed down then I'm to make an appointment with the GP and ask them to refer him to get him support.
I am a little upset tonight and have been Googling it and upset that he may have to medicate and what will become of him if he does have this condition etc I have suspected it and now his teacher thinks the same. She has been the head of early learning and key stage 1 for over 20 years and is the deputy head of the school. She said she can normally spot the children that has this condition. I just thought it was due to his age and he will calm down as he gets older, but I have been saying this since he was 2.
Has everyone got any advice for me and what I can do to help him and how did you know your child had this.

Just to add, he goes to football once a week and he spends most of the time climbing the fence, fake falling over and messing with his bib, which has made me question if he really likes going and is interested.
The reason I didn't think he has it, is because if left he could easily sit and watch YouTube for over an hour.

My advice is to get the thread moved to the SEN boards where there are some incredibly wise women with lots of advice.

Write a notebook with what he is like and then you can look back on it with perspective and also you can show it to GP. Schools can refer children to CAMHS too: it doesn’t have to be a GP.

Don’t worry too much as at five you can’t tell easily - it’s in a couple of years when they are clearly different from their peers.

There are lots of parenting strategies for ADHD that are helpful for neurotypical kids too

The watching things for an hour is an adhd thing - hyperfocus. Managing time is another - they lose track and can hyper focus on things that are stimulating them. It’s like a lighthouse beam of light

No real advice I'm afraid but my son's teacher teacher has raised similar concerns, so I'm interested in replies.

Don't be afraid of getting a diagnosis though. I would not be keen on medication at such a young age (although I know adults with adhd who have really benefitted from it). However there are other adjustments that can be made throughout his time at school, that can help him to achieve his potential. This seems much better than the situation when I was a child (1980s), when he would have been labelled as naughty and treated as such.

First off, breathe. People with ADHD have skills and attributes as well as challenges. About half the time I 'like' mine and so does DD.

You do need to get an assessment but that doesn't mean meds. Environmental management, parenting and supports are all DD needed. I would have considered medication if it had seriously affected her but truth is, it mainly affected her teachers and us!

And yes, go to the SEN board. Absolutely loads of awesome people there!

My DS is 5 (about to turn 6) and we're starting to go through an assessment process now. He's been through reception where nothing was really mentioned or picked up and he's got a wall hard in year 1.
I have no idea if this is good advice or not, but if I'd been told in reception class there was potential issues I would have definitely started exploring the possibility properly then then rather than waiting any longer. I think I could have done my child a disservice pushing him to do things he couldn't quite manage. If he does receive a diagnosis there can be help, support, strategies and accomodations. It doesn't just have to be that you medicate your child.

I’m not based in the UK, so can’t help with the diagnostic side of things.

I’m have ADHD as does my brother. He was very similar to how you describe your son as a kid. He’s now hugely successful as an adult, has a thriving business in a really fun industry, loads of friends, very comfortable financially etc. I have a good job, education and life in general. Life can be much harder with ADHD but it’s not inevitable.

The one thing I’d say is please grow a thick skin if you don’t already have one and be prepared to be a relentless, unwavering advocate for your child. I felt so sad for your boy reading your post as I know he’ll already be feeling the effects of being banned from the activity station. Handled badly, ADHD leaves you with a deep seated shame that’s hard to shake. You feel like a constant failure. Please know if he has ADHD he cannot help the way he is, he was born this way.

You’ll also get judgement on medicating your child. Ignore everyone and make your own decisions- they don’t parent your child, you do. Medication has taken the struggle away and given me my life back. I would have loved to have that
as a child. Maybe just keep an open mind to all options.

Wishing both of you all the best

My son and I have adhd.

Ask the school for support for him first of all. You don't need a diagnosis for a school to support properly.

Ask for the school to refer or ask your GP to refer to Camhs. To be honest it's up to a 4 year waitlist for assessment. If you're looking to medicate you could be another year on top of that. Youcould go private and I believe England has something called right to choose. Adhd 360, Mypace are used a lot.

There are plenty reputable companies out there qualified to diagnose.

Ask your GP if they will share care should you choose medication (if it's offered)

I'm in Scotland and my GP shares care so we are seen privately for med reviews and the GP prescribes our meds for us.

School and LA on board with private diagnosis - schools cannot ignore a private diagnosis so don't let them tell your that.

I knew when my son was 2 that he had adhd, he was so bouncy, ran all the time, if he woke up he would spring out of bed, no sense of danger whatsoever, couldn't sit to eat, watch a film, he was like the energiser bunny on steroids. He just wouldn't stop, getting him to sleep was a nightmare, blurted out, couldn't wait his turn, aggressive outbursts and he was obsessed with his iPad. He also has autism. Difficulties with friendships (now resolved and absolutely fine now he's 10)

I was slightly different, I was diagnosed with ADD at 14 (now rediagnosed with adhd combined) my hyperactivity wasn't running, it was speed reading, talking fast, oversharing information, my emotional regulation was shite. I struggled with friendships, blurted out answers, had extreme reactions to rejection (being picked last, losing at something) There's so much more but that's just a couple of things.

I hope you get the support he needs. Start with the school first and foremost. Don't worry about next year, start working with the school to plan for next year so he can settle in. He will be needing fidget tools, ear defenders, hot desk, movement breaks, brain breaks, short clear instructions, prompts, reminders, now and next board, etc. Ask the school to help with friendships. Small groups, rotated round. If he's having difficulty and becoming frustrated with writing, ask for a laptop instead. Short writing work should be encouraged but not at the sake of his well being. My son doesn't write anymore and hasn't for the last 2 years. He works on a smart board and has a laptop in class and he has a laptop at home too.

@Catgotyourbrain

My advice is to get the thread moved to the SEN boards where there are some incredibly wise women with lots of advice.

Write a notebook with what he is like and then you can look back on it with perspective and also you can show it to GP. Schools can refer children to CAMHS too: it doesn’t have to be a GP.

Don’t worry too much as at five you can’t tell easily - it’s in a couple of years when they are clearly different from their peers.

There are lots of parenting strategies for ADHD that are helpful for neurotypical kids too

Where the SEN boards? Sorry I'm new here and can't find another section like this. Also looking for advice

Here:
[https://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_chat]

Thank you, have reposted there. Sorry to derail.

Hi, I myself was diagnosed a few years ago after I passed my 35. That also raised question if my DS has it too. Usually it's a generic condition (if I'm not wrong). So it would be beneficial if you look around in the family and search if there's a hint it's in his gene.

5 years old is too early to tell, if he's just too active and not listening. I found all those boys are equally hyper until they mature into Y2 or even Y3. But since the teacher did suspect it, it's worth exploring.

Again, I'm in the process of... deciding if we want to go for a diagnosis (privately). He'd need one for sure. But I can't make my mind about the timing. In some way, maybe the earlier age serves better before they become self-conscious... Sorry, not a lot to offer. But please do see him as a balanced spirit and support him (but not indulge). ADHD needs lots of family support/guidance/pushing, as they themselves are lack of self regulation and motivation due to the condition.

It's highly heritable yes. I'm always interested because it's clear that ADHD runs through our family. But there's also ASD and Tourette's.

Poor DD has ND on both sides!

Iv adhd boys and yes my first sounds exactly like your son at the same age, down to messing around at football! It's quite a bit to get your head around when your first confronted with the idea of adhd. My first son got his diagnosis quickly at 6 but I refused medication for over 8 months which was the wrong decision for him. When he started meds it was scary and I needed lots of handholding especially navigating side effect like appetite suppression, but he also started making friends, enjoying team games, went up 4 reading levels in 6 months, didn't need constant school interventions. He is a teen now and is very much aware of how he is perceived with and without his meds. We went private for our last child as we weren't willing to wait 3 years.