Can't homeschool worried about my dd mental health

[lollipoprainbow]

I'm a single working mum to my dd9 who has ASD. She is in mainstream school but hates going, every morning is a huge battle, refuses to get dressed etc. I'm on a few autistic pages on Facebook and when school refusal is discussed it's always suggested that the child is removed from school and is home schooled instead as it's damaging to the child's mental health. I also belong to a club for parents of autistic children and they all either home school or send their children in mornings only. This isn't an option for me as I have to hold down a job to survive, I'd be hopeless at home schooling and frankly I don't want to. Please tell me I'm not alone in having to send my child with autism to school, am I really damaging her mental health? I feel so awful about it all and guilty.

Does DD have an EHCP?

Don’t deregister and EHE, if you the LA will say you are making suitable alternative arrangements and therefore they are relieved of their duties. People often find it easier to get support when on a school’s roll, bluntly, you are someone’s ‘problem’ whereas it is easier to sweep needs under the carpet when EHE. If DD cannot attend school the LA have a statutory duty to provide alternative arrangements.

Yes I think it does damage their mental health and sends the message that you see their pain but aren’t willing to solve the problem. Sorry

You need to get the school engaged and trying strategies so that she's happy in school. For example, meet and greet by a member of staff who she trusts when going in. If there are particular lessons she really dislikes, making arrangements for her to do something else. If break times are difficult for her they should have a club with crafts or games. That sort of thing. Don't consider home schooling until you've tried every other option. Has she got an EHCP?

Hi op, nothing really to add but just to say I truly sympathise. 6yo dd is undiagnosed and 'high functioning' (yeah, right) and this morning we've taken the very difficult decision to not send her into school. I say 'decided' like we had a choice, but the reality is we could not get her dressed. Things have got progressively worse since Christmas. We just can't go through this torment any more as it's destroying us, and making dd worse. We've got a meeting at school on Monday and have formally requested assessment from CAMHS so now pulling together all the documents they need to agree to assess her. We're fortunate that we use a childminder on Tues, Weds, Thurs who has said she's very happy to continue to encourage her to read, write, spell etc. We'll do what we can the other days. We don't know how long we can do this, permanent home schooling is not a solution for us either. We're just taking things a day at a time for now.

@Whatafustercluck If DD can’t attend school the LA must make alternative arrangements to provide her with a suitable, full time education. You don’t need to EHE.

Does DD have an EHCP? If not, you should request an EHCNA. If she does, you need to request an early review, and whilst DD is unable to attend school the LA must also ensure she receives anything specified and quantified in F.

@Imitatingdory dd masks at school, an EHCP needs them to engage but they say dd is doing fine at school. As an example, we've just had a call from the head teacher telling us she can't authorise absence and requesting that we get dd to school tomorrow. Dd has already said she won't wear uniform. When we've suggested PJs and getting dressed there, she gets irritable and says absolutely no way will she wear PJs. Currently she's saying she'll wear her legging, Christmas jumper and black top. But we already know we won't even get that far because she won't even get her knickers on. Because it's not actually the clothes that are the problem.

You can get an EHCP for DC who mask at school. You don’t need the school to engage with the process, you can apply yourself. Schools often incorrectly say DC are ‘fine’ and they don’t need/won’t get an EHCP, but their parents go on to successfully apply themselves.

The school can authorise the absence. And they must unless the authenticity of the illness is genuinely in question.

The duty to provide alternative education once it becomes clear 15 days will be missed lies with the LA, not the school, and can be provided even without the engagement of the school.