I have posted about DS (7) before, on other boards, but never on SN which I think is where I will get the most helpful responses. He is an only child and I am a single parent.
I've always noticed DS being a little different to other children his age, but put it down to him being very intelligent. I was also very academically able at school and this did cause some problems for me. He excels in reading, writing but especially maths and computing. He is also an excel chess player, can build lego sets aimed at 12+ year olds. Has the patience to sit for hours building and following the instructions. Loves playing on his Nintendo (has 1 hour a day limit), playing on coding apps, reading, watching the TV. We go to the cinema together, bowling, park. We can go for dinner / lunch and he can sit politely and hold conversation with me (not just about his own interests, but engage in conversation about what we will be doing later that day, what he's been up to at school etc.) He has play dates with other children, birthday parties etc. and copes fine. He makes constant noise when alone and doing an activity like drawing, writing, playing, he squirms around in his seat a lot and needs reminding to sit properly. Needs very clear instructions or he will get distracted half way through! When engrossed in an activity like reading or playing his Nintendo he will be quiet as a mouse. School says he can get distracted when doing class work, he is always the last person to be settled with his wipe board, collect equipment, pens, paper. I do wonder if part of this is boredom, he can already achieve 90%+ with ease in Year 2 SATs papers.
His main struggles seem to come when he is at school. There are very few boys in his class and he is often ostracised as they want to play football which really isn't DS's thing. He will try to join in, but doesn't really understand 'the rules' and gets frustrated. This can lead to him being left out or not being able to express how he is feeling. He has improved in this aspect and can now explain how he is feeling better, as well as identify feelings in other people. He likes to dominate the game and would much prefer to play 'his' games. He has improved massively in this, and just this past week he has started to play other peoples games happily and for the last few weeks has been asking me what I'd like to play. Also making compromises, e.g. 'If I play your game will you play mine?' He can be very silly, getting in peoples faces, making silly 'annoying' sounds and gestures. He doesn't seem to recognise if people are getting frustrated or bored with him unless they directly tell him (or verbalise getting annoyed, such as a raised voice from an adult). If told directly he will stop.He finds it difficult to hold conversations if there are distractions around, and doesn't like to sit still and chat (unless in a setting where that is expected, such as a cafe, restaurant etc.) He used to get upset if a step was missed out, an example being if they were doing the 'bear hunt' song, and a step was missed, he wouldn't want to just move on. This was a couple of years ago and not so much a problem anymore.
School has now told me they suspect he may be on the autistic spectrum, very mildly, what would have been categorised as aspergers. But they now only use the diagnoses of ASD. They would like to get someone in to assess him. They stressed several times that they are not keen to label him. I do agree that he seems to struggle socially and they obviously see a lot more children then I do. I do wonder how much of this is him being raised in a single parent family, an only child, the last two years and not really being around other children all that much. There are a lot of traits that just don't seem to apply... he has no sensory issues, beyond what I would consider normal. Changes to routine are fine and coped with, far better than I have observed of a lot of other children his age. He has no issues with being spontaneous. When staying somewhere completely new, he adapts with ease. He has always been a very adaptable child to new environments and people. He doesn't have meltdowns or tantrums, he is quite happy to switch up activities if asked. He doesn't have 'fixations', more a litany of things he is interested in, and will be happy to do something that isn't an interest of his if I express that I would like to do it with him. He is open to watching movies and TV shows that aren't 'his interest'. Loves telling jokes from his joke book and understands why they are funny. Can be quite literal, but also understands nuance and can read between the lines sometimes. He maintains eye contact well.
Sorry, I realise this is a long, ramble post and nobody on mumsnet can diagnose DS. I am just wondering if behind social skills (but not really any other traits) can be used as diagnostic criteria. I understand it is a spectrum, but looking online it appears to get a diagnosis of ASD there must be multiple different 'ticks' in multiple categories. Does my DS sounds like any other persons 7 year old who went on to be diagnosed with ASD? I have been beside myself the last few days and just want what is best for DS.
TIA