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[partsky]

Cognitive therapy; Any thoughts:Help needed by Mum
Recently posted note but as new to Mumsnet, not sure where it ended up!!! recently, 12 year old Son had cognitive therapy following concerns raised by school re inappropriate body language; hands down pants etc, but this was agreed to be more a case of hiding the hand than anything else. Problems previously with hand flapping, attraction to cold surfaces, going "spacey" in school (tested negatively for epilepsy) running up and down and poor social interraction. Expected family issues to be discussed and know all interraction from family effects kids and adults but although therapist raised issue of ocd and asd, but with no definite conclusion (been through this before) became aware or though I became aware of "are you making more of it than it is". Explained I have not repeatedly rang myself from two different schools re poor interraction, disruptive behaviour etc (first call from Head Teacher 4 weeks after he started school saying "children are afraid of him and he does not like being with other children". Have tried to be positive and take on advice but Son interviewed often separately and advised to bring emotions to surface but has obviously incorrectly interpreted this as has been in three physical fights in 8 weeks since therapy finished. Now more concerned of possible "Munchausens" issue if refer back. IN previous professional life dealt with families with S.N. issues but of course never dreamed I would end up worrying about this. Does anyone out there begin to feel that they are imagining the calls from the School and the social loneliness of their child? ~We live at social gatherings and have tried every type of youth gathering imaginable. Please help with comments. Feel very down and a really bad Mother. Because of age,did expect the usual "Mum as enemy" issue but since therapy Son appears to have decided I really am. Have previously avoided Specific Diagnosis for fear of labelling. Help Someone; I need advice from Partsky

It sounds like he needs more than a bit of therapy and a label can often help children come to terms with their differences. He certainly sounds quirky when in stressful situations - and school is very stressful yet they present as being fairly OK in a one to one type situation. You are not a bad mum at all and from a personal point of view I quite often have 'bad mother' syndrome - I think it is really common!!! My child went through a stage of hating going home (it was all to do with the washing machine - don't ask) but I'm sure that school thought I was beating him or something . We have also been through many a sticky mum/son patch when I thought that our relationship was ruined because I was forcing him to do stuff (like go to school, not be so quirky) that he didn't want to do. Things have got much better now puberty is over and done with. We also had problems with hands fiddling first thing in the morning at breakfast and it was actually the result of his pubic hair growing - it itches so he would scratch and hey presto . Since things have, shall we say, progressed on the bodily function front, this has died down (in all senses of the word . . .)

It does sound to me as if it might be worth pushing for a really good paediatric or ed phsyc appointment. The ed psych should observe him in school. If the school are that worried they should be organising this BUT LEA ed psychs are a rare beast and they usually only make about one visit a year to a secondary school. If you can afford it, it might be worth funding this yourself and getting a private ed psych report. Hopefully someone will come along with some more suggestions. Everyone is really helpful here. The only thing is that ocd and asd are fairly major issues and to give you some brush off that 'you are imagining it' seems a bit much. If they think his behaviour is related to either or both of these diagnosis then that is very significant and a big ball needs to be rolling on how to support this child in school where he exhibits the most stress.

All the best.

No, you are not a bad mother, just one I think has been mucked about over the years, given little to no support and information and has thus been pushed from pillar to post. You are not at all imagining his difficulties; he must wonder where on earth he fits in?. Small wonder therefore he's finding things hard. Your son has difficulties and is as yet undiagnosed; that is the main problem here.

Labelling the problem can also act as a signpost to getting your son help for his difficulties. Don't worry about giving him a label. Not having a label at all can cause more problems particularly with school, it certainly does not make the problem go away as you have indeed seen.

Is he under CAMHS?. I ask this as although they certainly have their place ASD is not their main field.

You both need to see a developmental paed. I would ask your GP to refer your son to a developmental paediatrician at a child development centre. I note that a therapist previously mentioned ASD; do you think at heart your son is on the autistic spectrum?.

Aspergers and HF ASD can be so difficult to diagnose, and I read an article in yesterday's Daily Mail about a man who only got diagnosed aspergers at 51, as a result of seeing it diagnosed in his son! I am no expert but the hand flapping and sensory stuff did ring a bell and sound like it might be on the mild end of the spectrum. I have no experience of Cognitive therapy but behavioural therapy , or ABA, has been a lifesaver for me and DS as it has stopped some of his worst behaviours and is encouraging his speech.You are not a bad mum - you are doing everything possible, and remember that all teenagers are a handful (and I reckon they become teenagers at about 8 now ! what with Ipods, phones, internet etc).