Severe learning difficulties and privacy- how do you teach it? Do you teach it? Pondering....

[yurt1]

DS1 is 8 now, severely autistic, non verbal, severe learning difficulties. We don't have locks on our bathrooms because of the likelihood of ds1 locking himself in (we have them outside to stop him getting in!) Anyway he tends to wander in when people are using the loo/in the bath/shower etc. (He likes to join people in the bathroom) What happens as he gets bigger? At school most of the children in his class are in nappies AFAIK, and obviously the children who aren't (including him) still need help with toiletting, so there's no routine taught of shutting the door and privacy there- there can't be. And we can't teach it at home in relation to him as he still needs help.

Er so what do others do? His wandering in the bathroom when occupied is obviously a bit a of a problem when we have (very, very rare) guests and I suppose might become an issue when his younger brothers are older.

Just interested in how others have dealt or will deal with this as I can't decide what we should even be aiming to do iyswim.

Yurt, I don't know what to say as I have opposite problem with my ASD DS - he slams doors shut all the time at the moment and wants to spend literally 1 hr each night alone on the loo, saying "go away go away" if we try to get him off. This has been going on till 10pm each night. My only thought is could you find a lock that your DS can't manage, but adults can - eg a bolt right at top of door, or a padlock type affair with the key's hiding place known only to adults/guests. We use a padlock on toy cupboard (to teach him to ask "open door") and he has not worked that one out yet, as we hang the key out of his reach. Might not work if he stands on chair though!

i wish i had answers for this one Yurt, DDs still don't get the private thing and they are 13, DD will walk into a room naked but with her undies in her hand and say "i am being private"
i tell them the bits covered by your underwear are your private bits.
we are like you the lock on our bathroom door is on the outside, going to the bathroom in this house is very much a spectator sport

Thanks - do either of you think its something that needs to be tackled and if so when? Or do you think it can just be kind of left, it's not as if we have loads of visitors anyway. DS1 is I imagine always going to need some help with personal hygiene and toiletting so he's never going to be private as such. It's a hard one isn't it. If we did find a way of locking the door from the inside (which I'd be nervous about) he'll scream the place down if shut out of the bathroom. When we have to keep him away form someone shy having a wee () he has to be physically restrained (some of it is because he likes to see the flush - wherever he is in the house as soon as he hears the flush he's upstairs peering down the toilet).

i don't really know and i don't know what to suggest, my three can and do go to the loo on there own but they all need help in the bath with hair washing and getting themselves dry so i don't think they will ever reallyget privicy as such, of course peroids will be happening soon so they will need more help then

I guess if you don't have many visitors, and given that we've all got enough on our plates, you could afford to park this under the "to be dealt with later " file, as I park a lot of stuff which I think maybe when DS matures more I can tackle it then? After all, we are only human and can only tackle so many things at any one time!

Thank you- i'm taking that as permission to bury head in the sand for a bit longer I suppose I don;t know maybe he'll understand a social story in a few years so we would have more tools for tackling the behaviour.

We have a great big green tick on our bathroom door & ds2 knows if the tick is there he can go in and a great big red cross, if the cross is showing he can't enter - it works for ds2 but he loves a rule.
We started it just to give ds1 some privacy, I have not got a clue how we teach ds2 about privacy, he sees his clothes as purely functional, so if he's not cold he won't wear clothes.

As it happens I do have a suggestion! [smug] Put one of those 'hook and eye' type things at the top of the door (you can get nice solid brass ones) and fix it so that the door is almost shut but not quite. That should give the person inside enough privacy and stop anyone pushing the door open but if ds1 does manage to reach/climb up and put the hook on you only have to slip a ruler or something through the gap and flip it off again. We've done that before on a bathroom door and it worked quite well. HTH.

www.amazon.co.uk/Lets-Talk-About-Where-Babies/dp/1844281736/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1199 126057&sr=8-1

This is the book recommended by my ds's social worker...............

Of course that doesn't solve the problem of ds1 banging on the door, sorry!

ds1 doesn't have enough understanding for a book unfortunately Or rules - his rule is just to do what he wants unless physically prevented The hook thing is a good idea- I don't think it will go down very well, but he might get used to it- hmm perhaps will try so the shy visitors can use it and we'll see how he takes it. Oh gawd more DIY (AKA another job foor my Dad )

Ah but it will only take a moment with a screwdriver and your dad will probably think it's worth it to be able to visit the toilet in peace .

Yes you're right- I need to ask about this at the review.

could you put a key lock on the door but only give the key to people who wished to use the bathroom in peace? that way they could lock the door but the key would then be returned to you so ds1 wouldn't be in any danger of ever locking himself in.

alternatively if you have more than one bathroom you could distract ds1 by flushing the toilet in the unoccupied one while the person is using the other one in peace?

Or alternatively if visitors are not understanding I simply wouldn't invite them again .