DS3…ASD?

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Sorry posted on development but no replies, I wondered if anyone here might have any insights?

DS was 3 in September.

I’ve long suspected additional needs. He was an early talker but a late walker (within normal, I’m not really worried about this but just for background). He still struggles with co-ordination and is very fearful of heights and speed - his 1yo sister is more adventurous in the park and at soft play! Verbally he is fantastic, his vocabulary is ridiculous and he is very intelligent, but socially he seems to be struggling.

If it was up to him he would draw, play playdoh, and watch videos about sea creatures all day. He has a real passion for drawing and is absolutely phenomenal at drawing sea creatures. He knows more about the ocean than the vast majority of adults. He is interested in very little else and has been the same for almost two years.

I’m noticing that he really struggles to interact with other children. We went to a 3rd birthday party last weekend. Most of the children were a few months younger than him and took part in the games and dancing etc. with no problem. They played together and generally got involved. He refused to take part in most activities, had to be sat on me at all times, and needed a great deal of reassurance. I did offer to take him home but he still wanted to be there, just couldn’t really cope with the noise or volume of people. I’ve also noticed that if we go to the park or soft play he really struggles with other children. He wants to play with them but can’t work out how. He comes on really strong, gets all in their personal space, and can be over physical (not aggressive, just boisterous and excitable) and I have to spend the whole time on alert making sure he isn’t being a nuisance.

He also cries/tantrums every time we need to leave the house. Nursery mornings are the worst but even if we are going somewhere more exciting it’s a real struggle. He complains about being sleepy/tired, he hides, he refuses to get dressed. Anything to avoid going anywhere. He would happily stay at home all day every day. He’s usually well behaved and sweet but he has such a high level of anxiety about going anywhere.

He’s also an incredibly restrictive eater.

Whenever I speak to anyone they blame the pandemic but we haven’t been especially cautious at all. He went to nursery as soon as he was able to as I’m a key worker so he missed hardly any time. We’ve been doing whatever restrictions have permitted and we have had to use grandparent childcare etc. He’s not really missed out on that much, I don’t think! I have long suspected that both my dad and I have ASD (we both score very highly on screening tests and have struggled throughout our adult lives) and I do think his behaviour ‘fits’ but nursery and HV seem to think he’s totally typical.

but nursery and HV seem to think he’s totally typical

Loads of parents are fobbed off like that. The GP could be unlikely to refer for assessment without either of those even suspecting any neurodiversity, particularly as he's so young, despite you having listed a lot of traits. Well done spotting those

It's very frustrating when the people who should be able to see these traits just seem to not notice them at all. If you feel your GP will listen, you could try asking them directly for a referral.

If not, to try another way, you could initially ask your GP for a referral to a Paediatric Occupational Therapist about your son's gross motor co-ordination.
Then when you see her about his co-ordination, (all ours have been women) you could mention "in passing" the transitions and struggling to interact, not wanting to leave home and anxiety. She may observe some of that during her time with him and be concerned enough to write a letter for you to take to your GP asking for further referral.

His verbal skills may be masking other traits. Health visitors I find are box ticking. Without further evidence GPs may not do much. Ive got friends who are GPs and had a word with them and they didnt flag much up with DS. Our DS was in a private nursery but was no bother as he often played in a corner and had a great vocab at 3. He didn't socialise with others and had tantrums and a narrow range of interests mainly related to horses and other farm animals.

He shifted to a school based nursery with a dedicated SENCO and after one term they flagged up concerns and we have a EHCP. Speaking to nursery SENCO is the next step if not already done.