Which secondary school for child with autism?

[HeechulOppa]

My husband and I both have different viewpoints as to what to do here and it’s getting tricky. We both absolutely want to do the best thing for our lovely ds who has autism but we have conflicting opinions here so would appreciate if anyone has any thoughts.

Our ds will be going to secondary school soon. We are now at the point where we have to pick one. He has autism, is very clever (though underachieving) and has very high anxiety and noise sensitivity. He is popular but is starting to get picked on by a few people.

We live in a town with a very large mainstream secondary that everyone goes to. His cousins go/will go there, his friends will go there. It’s very close to where we live. It’s enormous and to be honest we think he will struggle. He struggles at his current school and that’s tiny.

We are looking at a few other school that are smaller and have a more specialist provision. One is a special needs school that looks pretty good. However, both are a 30 minute drive away. Neither my husband nor I can drive (for health reasons). School 1 is on the bus route but would take a good hour by bus. School 2 is not on the bus route.

There is no good option, that is what makes it so hard. I am leaning towards school 1 as a possibility but I think the local mainstream school is the only realistic choice, even though I know he will struggle. Going to the specialist schools will mean getting up very early and coming home late for him. We can only consider it if transport can be provided (which our SENCO tells us is very likely). However local traffic is so bad that even if you leave 1 1/2 early there’s a good chance you won’t make it in time. My ds is very time fixated and I can see him panicking every day if the transport gets stuck in traffic. Not being able to drive concerns me if we need to go to get him from school if he’s having problems. I am also very concerned with him a) losing his current friends and b) living in a different area than any potential new friends.

Dh really doesn’t want to consider the local school - I absolutely understand why. He doesn’t think ds will manage. He thinks the issues I worry about aren’t as big as I think they are or will be ok. He also makes a good point that all the children at school 1 will be starting afresh in year 7 so a good time to make new friends etc.

It’s so hard, this is keeping me up at night. I don’t even want to consider school 2, it’s too logistically impractical.

Any advice appreciated!!

At secondary 1 hour 15 mins is considered reasonable travel time, although many travel further. 30 minutes travelling time is not a huge time, especially at secondary, many travel further even in MS. However with your mention of traffic if the journey would actually be well over an hour would DS cope?

If you are refused transport SENTAS can help with an appeal.

I work with lots of children with ASD at a fairly large mainstream secondary.

I think it would be worth talking to the SENDCO and asking about provision for children with additional needs. We have a room for anxious (ASD) children at break/lunch where they can hang out separately from the noise and bustle of their main year group.

DS1 has ASD/ADHD and will be starting at the school I teach at in a couple of years’ time; he will need extra support but he’ll be with his friends and I’m confident that the school can meet his needs.

Good luck with whatever you decide

Sounds to me as though the large mainstream school is the only practical choice. I may be wrong in this, but I think for transport to be provided you would have to show that the nearer school was unsuitable/couldn't meet his needs.

Have you or DH spoken to the SENCo of this school yet? Or been able to visit to discuss things? Depending on her/his response, it may put your mind at ease. When I spoke to my local secondary, the SENCo was very knowledgeable and talked about a range of adjustments that could be put in place if necessary (including a Homework club, which could be a game changer for us).

My DS sounds similar to yours (though he is definitely not popular) and I have no clue what to do about choosing a secondary for him. Does your DS have any opinion on the subject? (Mine doesn't) Also how capable do you think he will be of independent travel in the future, as this could impact your decision.

Landofgiants if the school is named in section I it is possible to challenge the LA’s transport refusal even if the school is named in I as parental preference. SENTAS can help with this.

@Imitatingdory that's good to hear (you certainly wouldn't know that from reading my council's transport policy!).

OP, my preference for my DS would be a more specialist smaller school, but nothing suitable in my area, unfortunately. We've considered private for ours, but both schools are a long journey away, and neither are a particularly good 'fit'. My DS would struggle with an hours' journey, in addition to a longer school day.

Landofgiants it doesn’t surprise me, many LA transport policies are unlawful. Even moreso when you get to post 16.

My Ds sounds quite similar to your's. He has huge issues around anxiety. He gets transport to school (we had to fight for it but that's another story). We have been told that if the bus gets the DC to school late then he will never be marked late or punished as it's out of his control and effectively not his fault. Knowing this has made a massive difference to my Ds.

In terms of advice about which school to choose: have you spoken to both schools? You say your son is academically able. Is the specialist school able to offer GCSEs/stretch him academically? Would he have a peer group? What would the class sizes be?

My Ds is in a huge mainstream secondary (2,000 children). I never thought he would be able to cope. He has really surprised me. I think he actually likes the anonymity of such a large school. They have a huge range of specialist teachers, facilities, clubs etc. There's also a special area where he can go for lunchtime/in lessons if it gets too overwhelming.

My Ds has an EHCP though and he has 1:2 support so of course that makes a big difference. Does your Ds have an EHCP (or equivalent?)

I remember having sleepless nights about making the secondary decision. It is so, so hard isn't it?

Toomanyminifigs I’m glad DS has settled well. I have NC’ed now but I’m the one who directed you to SENTAS to challenge the LA’s unlawful transport practices. I too remember the sleepless nights wondering whether we had made the right decision.

waves to dory Thank you for all your advice in the past. You're an amazing help to so many people on this board.

I think SENTAS must hate me now - I've recommended their service to so many people now!

Things aren't perfect with Ds at secondary but then I don't think the 'perfect setting' exists for any child, does it? He's going to school without too much complaint and the staff try so hard with him - so that's pretty good in my book.

toomanyminifigs I don’t think the perfect setting exists either. At least not for my 2 with EHCPs. DS3 is in MS but finds the other pupils difficult - his perfect school would be a MS but without other pupils. DS1 has EOTAS, which isn’t perfect, but is the best option available, if there was a half suitable school he would be going.

Transport worries - What could be your back up plan to collect DS if he was having a bad time and you couldn't drive there yourselves? Eg could you get a taxi to him and bring him home - can you afford this/ is your work flexible enough (if working)? Do you have a family member or close friend he trusts who could go if needed? Would DS travel back alone in a taxi if you needed to in a pinch?

Mainstream- What could make the mainstream manageable for DS? Try and get a list together and speak to the SenCo to see what's possible.

Noise sensitivity is a big deal IME, as is anxiety. But if he has friends currently he would go there with, that's a big thing.

Talk to the mainstream SenCo and drill down and get lots of detail.

Does DS use ear defenders successfully now, how comfortable would he feel using them at secondary? (My DS is primary, they help him hugely however he refuses them at school as gets anxious about other kids seeing his difference.) Has he tried Calmer Flares or similar?

Are there any adjustments school could make to being in corridors at busy times eg could DS leave each lesson 5 min early to walk in quieter corridor to get to next class?

What specific triggers does he have for his anxiety, what can school do to mitigate against these? Eg my DS gets v anxious about PE. Would the school be open to simply writing off a particular lesson which might trigger anxiety?

What experience does the school have supporting children with anxiety?