Hello,
I’m the most non confrontational person going, I hate arguments and always try not to have issues with people, I will cut people of rather than argue.
However, I have 4 kids and 3 with autism. They were diagnosed young and never knew each one had asd at the time (sorry worry I will be judged for having 4 kids).
I work really hard to meet their needs, we have lots of strategies, my 2 eldest (9 and /1.1) attend a Sen school. I don’t ever turn if and always try and be there is there is a meltdown.
I’m not sure if I need to keep apologising for this or whether it’s them not being considerate either.
Next door neighbours, siblings live there, both in 30s one has kids assuming from a previous relationship so doesn’t have them often and the other none.
My daughter transitioned in a Sen school that couldn’t meet her needs about 3 years ago, this brought on the worse meltdowns ever! She screamed after school every day, I couldn’t calm her down she would throw books hit me etc. this was 4-5pm nearly daily (she was doing this all day at school). Neighbours would thump on the wall, she then come round one day having a massive go, I then explained she had asd. Looking back I prob should of said sorry before but I suppose I hoped they didn’t hear!
Now the neighbours are not quite, actually at this time and the years prior most weekends they would play music until 12pm out the garden and would be loud however never bothered us (our kids are loud). Also they would rev their bikes in the garden (which the kids struggled with but again a free world and tbh it never crossed my mind to feel cross about the noise).
Then my younger daughter had a meltdown one day at 11am as had a hospital apt and didn’t want to go, I say a meltdown she went up stairs and banged her feet on the floor about 10 times, the neighbours banged back!
Although this was after explaining their needs.
I will put my hands up one morning (Sunday too) my eldest has a meltdown at 6 am, we ran in there to calm her down, this was her phase of not sleeping. We calmed her down but the neighbours went mad! Banging the walls shouting etc. I get it was early, however it was 5 mins max.
The called the council. Then they spent every single day out side reving bikes (this happened through lockdown). In the end I sent it to our landlord and explained the neighbours were complaining about us but they are not quite them selfs. Anyway she actually made a complaint to environmental health about their noise. As said it’s not on that they are complaining about a autistic child but think this is ok.
Anyway, the neighbours came round after this, we spoke and all seemed ok.
However the sister moved out about a year later.
So it’s just the brother now.
He plays his music so loud it over our t.v mostly stops at 8pm so not bothered.
However I think his reving his bike every time my daughter has a meltdown again.
The kids are always quite from 8-6.30 am schools mornings up at 7 am rarely have a massive meltdown but sometimes my son shouts he doesn’t want to go to school. (Also 2 years ago we moved my daughters Sen school).
Anyway the other morning 10am on a Sunday she had a meltdown and gain the bike revved (I’m not sure if it coincidence), her meltdowns are about the most stupid things. Also in the week we had shouting from next door “you fucking cunt” etc etc (nothing to do with us but someone they argued with).
I wrote a letter apologising as it’s as Sunday.
However because of them I’m alway on hyper vigilant I never ever get to rest, my home doesn't feel safe. I don’t want to be a nuisance but I don’t want to keep apologising for having children with disability’s either! It seems they can make noise and we cant, when we moved here we paid for private gardeners to fence the garden, next door came out and started telling them how they hate council tenants and all bums and lazy (it’s a council house). Hubby actually works full time in adult social services and I have up my job to be a carer. I feel a bit like they think they can make noise because they own and we can’t because we are council. Noise between 7-8pm do I have to apologise for? She does scream loud I’m not going to lie. However we don’t leave her. The last letter we didn’t hear back from. I don’t want arguements but I don’t want to keep apologising the life I have. As I love my children so much and I know they struggle but it’s got to the point I feel like I’m apologising for having them!
I hear out other neighbours and their nt children screaming and crying and I don’t ever feel they need to say sorry, actually it’s nice hearing in a weird way 😂.